to want to put dd12 up for sale on ebay

[stovetopespresso]

shes totally changed and yes admittedly I'm in shock as was still holding my hand a month ago. she started her period...actually it is about a month ago now. but she's been sulky, recalcitrant, belligerent, monosyllabic, alternated with being lovely for isolated minutes. last night she started aggressively humming at the table with hands over ears having been denied additional riding lessons on cost grounds. she ran away up a tree and refused to come down and literally not said a word since, no good night, no happy birthday this morning (mine). I knoooow its part of the usual but i feel so indifferent to her a really hope she doesn't fall over in front of everyone at school today

Would she fit up a chimney still?

she raids all the school snacks even while telling me she hasn't, theres literally chocolate round her mouth. so no.

I actually think this is the time to tell her this is not the way to behave and if she wants to act like a 5 year old you will treat her like a 5 year old. She doesn't get to keep her phone and she can go to bed at 7pm.

If she was this way with her friends she wouldn't have them for very long. She wouldn't dare exhibit this type of behaviour to a teacher. Therefore she is able to control it. If this was a relationship you hopefully wouldn't tolerate this behaviour either.

She needs to learn to deal with her emotions and feelings without resorting to this sort of behaviour. You need to talk to her when she is calm and tell her that you wouldn't have ignored her birthday and how would she feel if you had.

Yes I have teens, I have dealt with eye rolling and hormonal outbursts and storming out of rooms. I don't know why it seems acceptable to let someone treat you like absolute shit just because they are your child.

Up a tree! Inventive.😂

Perhaps you should embrace the silence. Mine tells me everything that's in her head. She said to me 'I'll tell you the plot of my least favourite advert'. I should have climbed a tree myself.

@HattonsMustard good advice. I have done 1 extreme teen (expelled from school etc) and I think I thought I had another 2 years of niceness. wrong!!!! but yes tempting to leave her to stew in own room mess and treat as she seems to wish. teaches resilience which is all the rage now

You made her sell her on etsy instead yes I've stolen that

I think you'd be better cutting your losses with a FREE to any home, on gumtree frankly.

(But seriously. Hormones. I had a short phase (about 6 mths I guess) of PMT each month, I was SO angry & so fucked off with everyone. It took a few months to recognise what was going on, but seriously I was not myself. Hideous time)

@Iwantacookie

You made her sell her on etsy instead yes I've stolen that

I came here to say this

@StitchInTimeSavesNine yes next time she could find me already up there. but I miss her chat and trust. but realistically I could ask that we just don't do the teen thing? that we just fake it till we make it? she wanted an apology for when dh tried to block her path of escape yesterday at supper and "shouting". I need to adjust to the new normal but wtf.

Ignore as much as possible and look to the future and think how lovely she will be to you when she is all grown up.

she would make a quaint burglar alarm i guess.

If it's any consolation my DD (now 15) was poisonous between 12 and 13.5 years. She still has her moments (usually TOTM) but in general is human.

My cousin - mum of 4 grown up children - laughed when I told her DD had turned into someone nasty....told me to put on a tin hat and hold on tight.

Not making light of it OP...I hope it passes quickly and without too much drama.

When my son ran away, I think about the same age, he sat on the park purposefully in a spot I could see him from the window. I think he thought I'd go and ask him to come home if I could see him tbh. He was sorely disappointed when I didn't and he came home to a locked door on the grounds he had ran away. He was even more disappointed when the reason he ran away (didn't want to clean his room) was the first thing that needed doing before he got food as he'd missed his lunch and had come home for dinner Funnily enough he never bothered to run away again and actually became a pretty easy teen.

thanks, I mustnt get too carried away with her drama and keep smiling. on seeing me as she came in to (my) bedroom for a raid she said "oh GOD why do you EXIST" which I thought was quite funny

@stovetopespresso

thanks, I mustnt get too carried away with her drama and keep smiling. on seeing me as she came in to (my) bedroom for a raid she said "oh GOD why do you EXIST" which I thought was quite funny

I would have said well if I didn't who the hell would wash your clothes, iron them and list all the other things you do for her.

There was a really good line on Sex Education where the single Mum said I am your main caregiver, why do I get the worst of you?

Very poignant. I just talked to mine, told them what was unacceptable behaviour but I also talked to them about all the things I did for them which bored the shit out of me, like watch Thomas the Tank Engine and standing at the side of merry-go-rounds waiting to wave at them each time they went past (I may have done a smiling waving expression then bored to tears followed by another smiling waving to emphasise the point).

I also told them how much I loved them but hated their behaviour toward me, that I would walk through fire to get to them. I think it helps for them to see you as a person rather than just a Mum. Mine are 17 and 14 now.

My dd is just coming into her own at 11 after having been very hard work as a baby, toddler, preschooler & primary schooler!
Please don’t tell me I’ve only got a year to enjoy her 😭

Boarding school. They won't pay you to send her though

You can't sell live goods on eBay - the old wives tale suggests this rule apparently came into force when a young girl tried to sell her grandmother on the auction site.

I know it's a cliché but this too shall pass. Hard times though.

241 and add my 19 month old in the ad?

its the combo of dangerous immaturity and the 'f**k you mum' which I find so galling. but hey I guess I got complacent. really better to have a vocal firework of a child than some line-toe-ing pushover. I guess.

@stovetopespresso

its the combo of dangerous immaturity and the 'f**k you mum' which I find so galling. but hey I guess I got complacent. really better to have a vocal firework of a child than some line-toe-ing pushover. I guess.

Exactly this.

During the worst times with DD I kept telling myself I wouldn't want to raise a pushover.

Looks like I'm in for round 2 with DS (11). He's just started with the 'whatever' and rolling eyes. Oh joy.

stereotypically I find SO FAR the boys are going thru an easy phase tho weirdly ds14 said something revealing about "squashing the bad feelings down" so maybe I've created up an emotionally inhibited bloke. yay me.

@MahMahMahMahCorona didn't james blunt try and sell his sister on ebay?

Mine was hideous as well at this age. She's mostly lovely now at 18.

Personally, I don't agree with treating her like a child, I think that might make it worse. You want her to want to talk to you at some point, not resent you.

Let as much as you can wash over you. It feels personal nut its mostly hormones. Look into non violent communication. I use this at work and then used at home and it was useful.

Remember this is a phase and will pass like everything else. End goal is to have a relationship at the end.

And if all else fails gumtree is an option.