So, I used to have a very healthy relationship with my soon to be in-laws. Until recently when my partner and I temporarily moved in with them as our house is being renovated. We have a 2 month old son together, and my partners parents are very helpful with him, and like to help out which is wonderful!
However, there have been some worrying comments made about both myself and my partner since the baby was born. For the first 10 days of my sons life I was suffering very badly with anxiety and felt extremely uncomfortable with other people holding him. I forced myself to allow his grandparents to hold him, as I didn't think it was fair to stop them, especially given that we're staying with them. However, his sister and her husband came up a few times to visit, and I allowed them to hold the baby once they sanitized their hands, and put masks on due to the pandemic. Then one day his sister was leaning over the baby with no mask on and was about to lift him when I asked her to put her mask on. After this I told his mother that I was no longer comfortable with his sister holding the baby due to the pandemic, and that when they visited it would only be people in the household that would hold him. She stormed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening. Then the next day my son was brought into the hospital due to jaundice and kept overnight, when we got home his mother was still not speaking to me, and I kept my distance from her. My partner was downstairs with them when an argument erupted, which resulted in my partners mother telling her husband "I told you not to get too close to the baby because we'll probably never see him", this was clearly due to my anxiety and the fact that I was quite clingy with my son (not that I ever stopped them holding him". I thought that this was a very hurtful comment to make, as I never considered stopping them from seeing their grandson, I had no reason to! Despite the fact that I wasn't involved in the argument, the next morning his mother started offering everyone toast, buns, and tea, apart from me for some reason.
Recently my partners mother made a comment to me about our dog being more important to him than his own son (because he likes to have the dog around, despite how they feel about animals and babies living in the same house).
Another situation was when my partners mother bought our son a sleeping bag and told us to use it, when I explained that we preferred the swaddle as it helps him sleep really well, she stormed out into the kitchen and began giving off to her husband about me not wanting to use the sleeping bag she got us.
The worst situation happened a few weeks ago when my partner began to struggle with his mental health. I tried to talk to his parents about how he was feeling and they said he needs to start looking at the positives in his life to help him feel better, when I explained that this isn't how depression works, they didn't seem to comprehend what I was trying to say, so I gave up trying. Then about 2 weeks ago my partner made a comment to me saying that he thought it would be better it he wasn't here anymore. I decided that his parents needed to know this and told them. His dad made a joke about how "when he says he doesn't want to be here anymore, he means living with us, he wants to be in his own house", and then proceeded to say that when you have a child you can't worry about yourself anymore, and that my partner needs to grow up.
I had to leave the room and I was fuming at this comment. Then the topic was brought up again a few days ago by his mother to me, and I told her that the comment her husband made really upset me, and she said that what I said really upset her husband, she then indicated that I was disrespectful for saying what I said about him not wanting to be here anymore. She said it was hard to hear. I started to cry and told them that dealing with a new baby and a partner who is depressed was taking it's toll and that I needed help, as I can't be the only one trying to help him.
Since I told them about his mental health being poor, neither of them have spoken to him to ask him how he is, and his father hasn't once asked me for an update on his sons mental health.
I do understand that hearing that about your son would be very hard to hear, but it wasn't easy for me to hear either.
Am I being unreasonable to think that these people are toxic?