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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send my 5 year old to school

93 replies

Mayla · 29/09/2020 05:26

All 3 of my kids have been going to school and to my surprise, they are very happy to do so, even my 5 year old who last year, hated going.
He has been very shy interacting with kids his age but this year he seems to already have made a bunch of friends.
He's good with mask wearing and the schoolis verygood with maintaining the bubble of the clsssroom and using sanitizer/washing hands.

My parents, both in their 70's, have now cone to stay with me (previously at my brother's house)
Mum has asthma and dad has diabetes, so both higher risk.

Their bedroom is downstairs with the den right next so that area so could easily be cordoned off if the kids show symptoms.

I work from home and it has been an extremely difficult few months with trying to homeschool them while working.

On top of that, my current work is coming to an end and i will be transitioning into a new career (also remote) for which i need to do an online course - so requires concentration.

However im worried about my son being a silent carrier to his grandparents. He's 5 and doesn't have the maturity his 11 year old sisters have to stay safe.

So what would you do? Send him or keep him home?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mayla · 29/09/2020 15:11

@cavemum i agree.
Its just that my parents, especially my mom is deathly scared of him going to school, not for her sake but for his - that he'll contract the virus (they are both over the top when it comes to worrying about their grand kids)
I am not worried for him really. Im just terrified that they'll get it from him as a carrier and i would be solely responsible for getting my parents sick/possibly something even worse happening

OP posts:

TheKeatingFive · 29/09/2020 15:13

Im just terrified that they'll get it from him as a carrier and i would be solely responsible for getting my parents sick/possibly something even worse happening

You can’t just sacrifice his education on this altar though. You need to find another way to sort that.

averythinline · 29/09/2020 15:17

Honestly if your mum.is scared to death she needs to find somewhere else to live..
Your sons is doing well at school seems madness to take him out or to ghink of home schooling Anyway...as you have recognised its a lot of work and effort to do it well..

Can't they rent somewhere near you?

How long is this 3 month on/off lifestyle going to last does not seem feasible long term.....maybe that plan needs to change.....

You need to stand up for your dc best interests...

parietal · 29/09/2020 15:21

send the child to school. His education is very important.

if your mum is not happy with your arrangements in the house, she needs to stay somewhere else

CaveMum · 29/09/2020 16:31

I do sympathise OP and hope you don’t think my comment was meant harshly. I get the impression that you feel the need to keep everyone happy - did you have to tip toe around your mothers feelings/anxieties growing up?

Talk to your mum and lay it out on the line: “You are welcome to stay with us but the kids will still be attending school/activities as normal. If you are not happy with that then you’ll need to find somewhere else to stay. It’s your choice.”

Put the onus on her.

You say her concern is for your son’s health. If needs be show her the stats on children with Covid and how tiny the risk is that he will be one seriously ill with it.

Show her this site which shows that of the 1,000,000 deaths from Covid so far NINE of those were in children under the age of 17. The risks are minuscule.

www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/coronavirus-age-sex-demographics/

CaveMum · 29/09/2020 16:33

Sorry, my mistake, that death rate is for the city of New York only, but the stats still stand!

Caterina99 · 29/09/2020 16:39

I wouldn’t pull my DS out of school, where he was doing well, because my parents wanted to come and stay. Your primary responsibility is your child - his health, happiness and development. Your parents are responsible for themselves and they have each other.

They could rent a house nearby. And you could still see them, just being cautious. They don’t want to be lonely, but they’re happy to make a 5 year old lonely?

It would be totally different if you had the time and facilities to fully homeschool and were doing it as a family. And your DS either didn’t do well at school, or had never attended and didn’t know any different. But you have to work. And your DD are just as much a risk to their grandparents so you’d have to keep them home too.

laudete · 29/09/2020 16:48

YABU to send your 5-year-old to school. Your parents have each other, if they don't want to accept the risk of staying at your home. Your son will have to mostly socialise online, if you're currently in lockdown or similar restrictions. If you need permission or support from online strangers, you have mine - send him to school. x

laudete · 29/09/2020 16:48

*YANBU
Sorry - typo! x

DragonPie · 29/09/2020 17:09

But your parents chose to stay with you knowing your children go to school. If they were that concerned then they should have stayed somewhere else. Your 5 year old shouldn’t suffer because of their decisions.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2020 18:08

I don’t understand why they’re only concerned for your youngest. He needs to go to school, for his socialisation.

ComicePear · 29/09/2020 18:16

I agree with Mummyoflittledragon - why are they only worried about your youngest? Younger children are less likely to catch it or get it seriously.

Original poster

Mayla · 29/09/2020 19:11

@cavemum your comment was not harsh at all. I really appreciate all this feedback.
Yes my mom is and always has been a little self centred and sometimes it is all about her and what she thinks is right.
As for her worrying about my son getting covid, I'm not really concerned about that but rather that my parents will get sick while theyre at my place and I would feel absolutely horrible if something were to happen to them. It would be like i railroaded everyone's opnion (bro and SIL think it would be better of he stayed home too, but they understand my point of view too) and decided to send all thr kids to school and this is what happened.
I know it sounds horrible that I'm only concerned about how guilty i would feel but honestly I'm not. I am very worried for their safety too.

@mummyoflittledragon she clearly cares about my son more than my daughters- she has a thing for the youngest.
Growing up, she would favor me more than my brother 'because you're the youngest'
I don't understand it at all and it makes me mad but my girls aren't affected by it because they're not close to her.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2020 19:16

Ah, I see, it’s a good job you’re all immune to the favouritism. You know therefore that your mother is favouring your ds for her, not for him. If she wanted what was best for him, she’d want him to continue to socialise with his peers; at his age, socialisation is far more important than formal learning.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2020 19:19

Oh and imo favouritism can be bred out of or breed narcissism. So deffo not to be encouraged. You are doing a very good thing not bowing to it. You were conditioned to and are now questioning what you were taught as a child.

LittleBearPad · 29/09/2020 20:58

Growing up, she would favor me more than my brother 'because you're the youngest'
I don't understand it at all and it makes me mad but my girls aren't affected by it because they're not close to her.

Well no, because they know she favours their brother. They aren’t going to let her favouritism hurt them more than it already has.

Original poster

Mayla · 30/09/2020 18:01

@mummyoflittledragon the girls and Ihave spoken about it and they understand that they are no less or more special in my eyes to their brother and that they're well and truly loved.
I can't change my mother and so i have accepted the situ.

As for sending my son to school i have decided i will, so thank you to everyone who helped me make my mind up :)

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2020 18:17

Well that’s all positive then. I don’t think you can do much more than ensure your dcs are happy and shield them best you can from any hurt.

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