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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my 5 year old to school

93 replies

Mayla · 29/09/2020 05:26

All 3 of my kids have been going to school and to my surprise, they are very happy to do so, even my 5 year old who last year, hated going.
He has been very shy interacting with kids his age but this year he seems to already have made a bunch of friends.
He's good with mask wearing and the schoolis verygood with maintaining the bubble of the clsssroom and using sanitizer/washing hands.

My parents, both in their 70's, have now cone to stay with me (previously at my brother's house)
Mum has asthma and dad has diabetes, so both higher risk.

Their bedroom is downstairs with the den right next so that area so could easily be cordoned off if the kids show symptoms.

I work from home and it has been an extremely difficult few months with trying to homeschool them while working.

On top of that, my current work is coming to an end and i will be transitioning into a new career (also remote) for which i need to do an online course - so requires concentration.

However im worried about my son being a silent carrier to his grandparents. He's 5 and doesn't have the maturity his 11 year old sisters have to stay safe.

So what would you do? Send him or keep him home?

OP posts:
Margo34 · 29/09/2020 07:38

Trying to eliminate all risk is unfeasible.
Your older DC are also likely to be asymptomatic carriers, no different from your youngest, perhaps even more so if they are in larger bubbles at school!

Either send all your DC to school for their education or home school them all. You've already identified in your OP that working and home-schooling were difficult. If you want to home school your children effectively and sufficiently/properly, I very much doubt you'll be able to work any job at the same time let alone a new job that requires your full attention and concentration to retrain.

Your parents are adults responsible for themselves and can make their own decisions, their choice to live with you and the risk your family present. Your children are your responsibility.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2020 07:38

Op- I think you need to clarify why your dps need to live with you - necessity or desire?
I live close to a primary and the sound of the children playing outside is priceless. It was absent in lockdown.

CeibaTree · 29/09/2020 07:41

Why have your parents come to stay?
It wouldn't be fair to stop your child attending school - if you/they are worried they should go home.

iamruth · 29/09/2020 07:42

Honestly unless you are planning on sully home schooling him (fine, great, whatever) why would you be considering depriving him of his education and social interaction etc? I’m sorry but there is no way I would put my children’s education at any further risk for anything, especially not because my parents wanted to stay. They are adults they can judge that risk themselves.

Mintychoc1 · 29/09/2020 07:44

Send him to school obviously.

Porcupineinwaiting · 29/09/2020 07:46

Send him in. If anything, your elder children are more likely to catch it and bring it home and spread it. If that's a concern (it would be to me but then I live in a city with a high level of virus) then they need to live elsewhere.

unchienandalusia · 29/09/2020 07:46

Sorry agree with PPs. Why on earth have your parents come to stay if this is a worry?

Fluffalo · 29/09/2020 07:53

Send him to school, with your new job and training you won't have time to home school him.

TitsOutForHarambe · 29/09/2020 07:54

I know you love your parents but surely your 5 year old child comes first? He has to. Send him to school. If your parents can't take that risk then they need to go and live somewhere else. I'm sure they wouldn't want to be responsible for their grandson missing out on an education.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 29/09/2020 07:56

Your parents came to stay with you knowing there are 3 school aged children in the house so presumably are willing to accept the risks that entails. If they are not happy with that they could go back to your brother or rent something nearby. It isn’t reasonable to take your son out of school to accommodate their needs. Quite apart from any of the excellent points other posters have made, we don’t know how long his school will stay open. It could be closed again in a matter of weeks. Let him enjoy it and the company of his peers for as long as he can.

NoGinNotComingIn · 29/09/2020 08:06

You can’t just keep your child off school. Unless your child or someone in your house has symptoms your child needs to be in school. I’m not quite sure why some parents now think it’s optional? You can’t have vulnerable people to stay if you have children quite simple. Your children would have to isolate 2 weeks before they arrive and then stay indoors for the duration of their visit. You’d be keeping your children off school for 2 weeks plus when there is no good reason. My husband has an elderly gran, we have seen her once since Feb and even then it was her sat in a conservatory and us in the garden with our children. As sad as it is it’s what we have to do to protect vulnerable people. We FaceTime etc to keep in touch.

Wannabegreenfingers · 29/09/2020 08:06

Send him to school. The world cannot stop spinning because of Covid.

nancyclancy123 · 29/09/2020 08:14

If your other dc will still continue going to school, then I don’t see the point in keeping your son at home.

Saracen · 29/09/2020 08:16

Difficult one, given that he has been happy at school. If he didn't like school I'd say pull him out and his grandparents could help home educate him. There are many ways to home educate and you don't have to do formal school-style learning, especially with a five year old. It can be much easier than what you experienced during lockdown, which presumably involved trying to make your son learn whatever the school wanted him to learn, whether or not that was right for him.

If he is home, I think the main challenges will be 1) You getting enough peace to do your work, which can be hard even with the grandparents around to interact with your son and 2) Keeping your son happy. If your parents are fit and able to take him out sometimes, that could help, but of course there are fewer comfortable places they can take him in the winter which are safe from the virus. Th usual home education groups are not meeting so much. Some have moved outdoors. Some kids are getting together for one-on-one park playdates. There are challenges.

You could start either way (home ed or school) and then change later if that seems best. However, check whether your son's year group at school is oversubscribed. If so, then you may not be able to get him back into the same school later. If this is a consideration, check with the school whether there are currently any vacancies and how many, and whether there is a waiting list. That would help you make an educated guess whether he's likely to get back in.

Your older kids are likely to be a significant risk to their grandparents too. They may be good at staying away from the GP, but if they are at secondary, they are likely to be mixing with a lot more people than the little one. And some secondaries aren't managing to keep kids apart very well.

I don't think it's at all obvious what you should do. It's a tough choice. If you want to talk through the practicalities of home education, feel free to come over to the home ed board.

Teakind · 29/09/2020 08:27

It would be incredibly unfair to pull your 5 year old out. He deserves an education and as you are working you can't home school effectively.

Can your parents live somewhere else? Your child needs to come first here.

Redwrecker · 29/09/2020 08:31

I wouldn’t pull him out.

I would probably bed in some firm habits about handwashing (I know he’s little, but as best as he can!) and instill a routine when coming home from school -eg, as soon as he gets in, hands and face washed, into play clothes etc.

TheKeatingFive · 29/09/2020 08:35

If you're worried your parents should leave rather than stopping your kids going to school!

Yes this.

You aren’t in a position to homeschool him effectively, so you would be doing him a huge disservice in not sending him to school.

Florencex · 29/09/2020 08:44

Education is not optional and as you are not in a position to home school they need to go to real school.

Why are your parents living with you, are they homeless? If not they should go back to their own home.

Ratatcat · 29/09/2020 09:01

It would be incredibly unfair. I agree with every other poster really that if you’re worried about your parents, why move them in with 3 children. I think a lot of posters have missed that the 11 year olds are twins so double risk.

You have a 5 year old that hated school and wasn’t good at interacting with his peers. It would be cruel to pull him out just as he’s getting it. Proper homeschooling has its place but it doesn’t sound like it’s right for you.

OverTheRubicon · 29/09/2020 10:45

@NoGinNotComingIn the parents aren't coming to visit, they're coming to live there.

toconclude · 29/09/2020 10:56

@RepeatSwan

One other problem with these threads is the home schooling evangelicals.

My chdren are in school!

I just read a lot of bossy boots telling people they can't do things they obviously know nothing about, and it is irritating.

Well perhaps you should avoid doing it then, as you clearly haven't read OP's post properly
Original poster
Mayla · 29/09/2020 13:01

Thank you for all your comments ladies. Sorry to drip feed but here are answers some of your questions:
I hsve no issue whatsoever with homeschooling. In fact if i didn't need to work that's exactly what i would do, even without covid. But I very that if you're homeschooling a child you also need to establish a good social network with other homeschooled/non-homeschooled kids so that they have lots of social interaction.

My daughters who are in grade 6 would go to school. They don't really do well with the remote learning module and like i said, i wish i could but i can't completely pull them out and homeschool instead.

I am an immigrant in this country (not the UK) and my parents visited us last year to fulfill their permanent residency. They alternate between my brother's house and mine for 3 months each.
We thought about renting for them but they know noone, don't drive yet so wouls be very lonely.

My brother doesn't have kids but he lives with chronic pain and OCD so after 3 months, he is ready for a break. I understand and can't ask him to keep them for longer, especially not knowing when this all will end.
My mom is very good with teaching my son. But obviously, she gets tired after some time and even if she protests, i would take over entertaining/teaching him as she needs a break.
Another issue i have is that he is an extremely active boy who needs a lot of physical exercise and if he doesn't get it, he is up at all times in the middle of the night, sometimes 3 or 4 times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mayla · 29/09/2020 13:07

At school he gets nice and tired out but at home that would involve me having to take him on a bike ride (he does 10-14km rides) or playing catch for quite a while.

I guess i can make a schedule for when i work and when i spend time with him.
But it will stillbe disruptive i know.

Honesty though, more than anything i think it breaks my heart to pull him out just when he was starting to make friends.
He's been so shy with kids his own age (he won't even play at the park if there are other little kids playing there but will wait for them to leave) that now that he is making friends, i can see a new confidence in him

OP posts:
CaveMum · 29/09/2020 14:48

So don’t pull him out of school! You need to focus on his needs here, not just yours or your parents.

Talk to your parents and make sure they are aware of the potential risks, if they insist you pull your son out of school then quite honestly they are selfish.

What on earth is it going to do to his self esteem and confidence to be pulled out of school and have to watch his siblings carry on as normal. You will be sending him the message that he is not as worthy.

pastandpresent · 29/09/2020 15:10

I totally agree with Cave Mum. Your parents choose to come to your country, they need to adapt to your family's needs and they should be the ones making sacrifices by making extra precautions etc, not your ds. Just because they may feel lonely living in the foreign country, you shouldn't be making your son feel lonely by pulling him out of school, when you see the delight and confidence in making new friends.