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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Silent treatment!

86 replies

Redrum2020 · 28/09/2020 13:39

How do people deal with the silent treatment? It’s become increasingly more regular that if I have any disagreement with my husband he completely cuts me off. It’s getting to a point he even stays away. I know this is a form of control as he’s used to do it to his ex wife. I find myself apologising just to clear the air. I am not sure how much longer I can take this as it’s mentally straining .

OP posts:
billy1966 · 28/09/2020 21:46

If he is bullying her children and being hyper critical of them, why shouldn't it be pointed out to her thatvshe needs to get her shit together and get out.

When women are responsible for introducing these abusive men into their children's lives, they should be told to sort them out.

The thing is whennyou have children, they do come first.
It's crap for women but its the truth.
You have to put your children's happiness first...even though it is hard.

Children are helpless in these awful homes, they need to come first, ahead of abusive men and their bullying.

Shizzlestix · 28/09/2020 22:01

You must get your children put of this situation. Meanwhile, get your own internet provider so their usage isn’t at his command. Reclaim your property. Ignore him back, do absolutely nothing for him. Is there room for you to move into one of the dc’s bedroom, get a little single? He sounds foul.

Graphista · 28/09/2020 22:06

My intention was not to victim blame or shame the op but to find out why she hadn't yet left when the problems have been apparent for I think several months in order to be able to help her find solutions to her reasons for not leaving,

Lots of abuse victims don't leave straight away, go back several times etc

jessstan2 · 28/09/2020 22:11

Your husband is very wrong, cruel even, to do this to you. He knows the effect he has on you.

I understand why you cannot leave at the moment but try to live your own life separately from him whilst sharing the house and plan to go next March - which will soon be here. If he asks why, tell him calmly and then refuse to engage with him.

You do not need this man, honestly.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 28/09/2020 22:16

Im sure that ive read similar to this thread before...the internet blocker is ringing a bell...how sad that op's kids are still living under the same roof as this twat.

SuzieQQQ · 29/09/2020 08:20

I would tell him that you aren’t sorry, that he is wrong and if he thinks you care about him sulking and ignoring you like a child he doesn’t know you at all. Then I’d tell him you are sick of his shi*t and unless he changes the relationship is over. Then just wait.

waitrosetrollydolly · 29/09/2020 08:45

When he finally turns up all of you could try being cheering and happy and just doing stuff around him while not including him. Ie hot chocolate for four not five and popcorn for four not five . Just ignore ignore ignore . Out of kids earshot id probably tell him life was much nicer while he was away can could he please F off permanently.

FrangipaniBlue · 29/09/2020 08:50

Don’t engage with him. Carry on as normal but don’t try and start a conversation with him and definitely don’t apologise just to get him to talk to you!

This! Just let him crack on, don't text don't apologise, he's doing it for the reaction!

Requinblanc · 29/09/2020 09:10

I hate the silent treatment. I had this throughout my childhood with my narcissistic, abusive mother.

I would simply ignore him and get on with your life. When he starts talking to you again I would have a serious conversation about the fact that you don't appreciate him doing this to you and that it is not something you will tolerate again. If he continues to 'punish' you in this way then I personally would leave.

I cut all contact with my mother after she thought it was OK to give me the 'silent treatment' for some unknown offence I had caused her while I was having surgery. The surgery was difficult, I went back to A&E a few days after because there were complications and I also learned that I would need a much bigger operation that could have some serious impact on my life. 2 weeks after my op my mother had still not bothered to pick up the phone to see if I was still alive because of the 'silent treatment'...whatever 'relationship' was left with her died in that moment.

Gobbycop · 29/09/2020 09:28

He sounds like a dickhead.

Trade him in.

MarthasGinYard · 29/09/2020 09:37

'I casually mentioned yesterday why don’t you take them for a walk/coffee and I was then accused of picking on him and he actually started crying.'

Goodness Me

He's either unwell or has some serious issues.

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