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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husbands instagram

56 replies

Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 28/09/2020 13:38

My husband has instagram & I don’t, he left his laptop open the other night & I saw a half naked “model” on there, scrolled down & he follows lots of them. All having similar, shall we say attributes that I don’t have.

It’s really wound me up & knocked my confidence. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 28/09/2020 13:39

Better than porn Smile

nestisflown · 28/09/2020 13:43

By half naked do you mean in a bikini? Who do you think follows these models? Their Instagram pages are just modern lads mags- at least he doesn’t spend money on those and at least the models are in control of their page and the narrative (as opposed to porn or traditional media).

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 28/09/2020 13:45

Wouldn’t bother me. It’s not abnormal for a man to like looking at a semi-clad woman. Said woman presumably comfortable with being looked at. They have no personal contact. Shrug.

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 28/09/2020 13:53

I should mention, this is his business Instagram that he apparently only uses for networking, said he only follows people relevant to his work.

I just feel uncomfortable with the accessibility of these images. It’s not really comparable to porn as most people aren’t scrolling through porn videos throughout the entire day!

I don’t just mean typical bikini, Lots of highly sexualised positions, dancing etc. Argh it just makes me feel weird!

OP posts:
SBTLove · 28/09/2020 13:55

What on earth is his business if he thinks this is appropriate for a business page??

mimblefish · 28/09/2020 13:56

I'm a straight married women and half the people i follow on Instagram post pictures of themselves in bikinis very regularly, especially those who use it for beauty/cosmetics/"influencer" businesses! Think it's hard to avoid.

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 28/09/2020 14:01

Mumble fish I said NOT bikini pics. I don’t mean just provocative pics, I mean verging on pornographic for some of them.

SBTLove it isn’t relevant to his business, that’s my point!

All the women I saw have a particular look & it isn’t anything like me. I think that’s what’s bothered me too. Like if that’s what he’s into.....

OP posts:
Esspee · 28/09/2020 14:04

He’s not the man you thought he was. How do you feel about that?

Sunnydaysstillhere · 28/09/2020 14:05

I suggest you invest in your own catalogue and let him catch a glimpse....

woofwoof1880 · 28/09/2020 14:07

Why is it every time a husband leaves his laptop open it's always on an incriminating page?

Either he left it open because he doesn't see anything wrong with it and didn't know it would upset you, or you went snooping. If you found it because you snooped there are probably bigger issues in your marriage than who he follows on Instagram.

Griefmonster · 28/09/2020 14:17

There are 3 (potential) issues here surely:

  1. He is following sexually explicit/ suggestive accounts.

  2. He is following sexually explicit/ suggestive accounts of women who don't look like you.

  3. He is following sexually explicit/ suggestive accounts on his business page

You seem to be bothered by 2) but not by 1) or 3). Is that right?

1forAll74 · 28/09/2020 14:20

I would just feel sorry for all these people on instagram, who just have this desperate need to be seen and noticed all the time. A camera and posing is their lifestyle, there are thousands of these people, it's very sad.

StarUtopia · 28/09/2020 14:27

Meh. I would have the likes of David Beckham on my page - DH looks nothing like!

Seriously. Get a grip!

Cheeseandwin5 · 28/09/2020 14:39

Try and open an Instagram account and see how easily this happens.
You like a story or comment and before you know it, you are inundated with all the other types pf mages.
I am not saying YABU, but i do think you need to see it at first hand before you condemn

mimblefish · 28/09/2020 14:43

I do find it baffling how upset people get about their partners looking at other attractive people online, who they'll never meet. I mean I get if it was Facebook messaging real people, but looking at some photos on Instagram? So what? Don't worry about it. Do you never have a giggle with your friends about Chris Hemsworth or whatever? My husband and I joke that Roger Allam is Our Mutual Boyfriend because we're both weirdly into him (him in a man-crush way, because he is straight but comfortable and a huge Shakespearean; and me just because). He's nothing like my husband but that's not...a problem??

I do think if your husband leaves his screen open on this Instagram account, he thinks he's got nothing to hide and there's no reason you'd be upset.

BlackForestCake · 28/09/2020 14:43

I've been using Instagram for several years and never yet been bombarded by pictures of women in bikinis or less. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

If this is genuinely his business account does he realise that his clients can also see that he follows all these models?

ABCDay · 28/09/2020 14:43

He's a seedy little wanker.

Now, about the rest of your relationship, how is that? How does he treat you? How's your self esteem?

Anydreamwilldo12 · 28/09/2020 14:56

I guess I'm not 'cool' because I definitely don't think this is right at all. It's just seedy and I wouldn't be happy about it. Have you asked hum why he feel the need to follow (and probably ogle over)these women?

nosswith · 28/09/2020 15:00

Whilst Instagram has apoplectic fits at the sight of a female nipple, this still seems not an account for work purposes, and the OP is not unreasonable to be upset.

SurreyHillsGirl · 28/09/2020 15:04

I would be more surprised that my DH had turned into a sad seedy little man than upset or jealous.

trouncedaast · 28/09/2020 15:08

Your husband may not have set up privacy settings. If that's the case, it's a free for all I think? Might be that these folk have just added themselves to his followers

ncd5785 · 28/09/2020 15:09

I am going to go against the grain here and say I don't think it's right or a nice way for him to behave. Of course everyone notices attractive people in everyday life but this just strikes me as a bit seedy. I would feel upset too OP

ForeverRedSkinhead · 28/09/2020 15:13

I would judge the hell our of my husband if he did this. In my mind it's the kind of thing a teenager would do , for example my 17yo son follows these kind of accounts , he tries to deny it , but I know he does.

It's immature and distasteful if you're an adult in a relationship imho.

LindaEllen · 28/09/2020 15:14

So does mine. It doesn't bother me. He even shows me the photos. To expect men never to look at a woman is unrealistic. I mean, don't you follow men who post topless pics? I know I do!

LindaEllen · 28/09/2020 15:15

@trouncedaast

Your husband may not have set up privacy settings. If that's the case, it's a free for all I think? Might be that these folk have just added themselves to his followers
Haha no, if he has an open account, they can follow him, but in order for their photos to show in his feed, he would have to physically follow them by clicking the button. So definitely isn't automatic!