Are these 2 scenarios the same in principle, and who IBU?

[mrsm43s]

So disagreement with DH on this.
Two different scenarios, and two different opinions on who is to blame for the issues.

Scenario 1
One person puts washing in basket, without checking pockets etc
Other person puts washing straight from basket into machine and when unloading realises that tissue has been left in pocket, so mushy tissue mess all over washing. Who should have checked? The person putting the dirty washing into the hamper, or the person loading the machine?

Scenario 2
Cooking a roast dinner. One person prepped the vegetables and put them into a stovetop 2 tier steamer, placed the lid on and left them on the (turned off) ring on the electric hob ready to be switched on. Potatoes were left in saucepan of water on another (turned off) ring, and parsnips left in pan of water on another (turned off ring). Other person was doing main bulk of cooking roast, and at the appropriate time simply turned ring on for each pan. There was no water in the bottom pan of the steamer stack, so vegetables ruined, and burnt to bottom of steamer. Should the person switching on the stove have checked that the prepped veg had water in the bottom pan, or is that part of preparing the veg for cooking, and therefore it was reasonable to assume this had been done (as it was for the potatoes and parsnips), so no need to check?

DH and I agree on who is in the wrong in one scenario, but differ in the other (obviously I think he was in the wrong in both cases, but he thinks he was in the wrong in one, but I was in the wrong on the other!)

So who do you think is in the wrong? The non-checker or the half-jobber? And does it vary from scenario to scenario?

[SonjaMorgan]

Surely it is just a failure at each step that you both should learn from?

[Mix56]

1, the lazy bastard who never empties his pockets, having been asked over a thousand times
2, The person cooking the veg. boils the kettle & uses boiling water so obviously would put the water in, & even if using cold water would check if water was in there.

[FourPlasticRings]

Remeniscent of this old tale:

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

If I had to pick, I'd say fault lies mostly with the person who put the clothes in the hamper and the person who prepped the veg.

[TheEC]

If I lived in a house where I have to double check everything I may as well do it all myself then I know it’s done right. Instead my husband is responsible, accountable and communicates well so we don’t have to worry about this sort of stuff. I wouldn’t expect anything less

[TreestumpsAndTrampolines]

The pocket thing, I agree with everyone, it's the responsibility of the pocket-haver (having said that, I'll often give the pockets a squeeze for anything obvious)

On the cooking, I really would check before turning a hob on that there was water in (even if just to check how much, so how long it was likely to take to heat up/run out). Just like I check that the car is out of gear before starting, or that the oven is empty before turning it on - because the consequences of not double checking are pretty bad, and it's literally a 3 second job to quickly look.

I don't quite get how it got so burned, I'm all for easy cooking, but didn't you smell that it was hot? Notice that there wasn't any steam?

[Itsabeautifuldayheyhey]

I think the person who put the washing in the machine should check the pockets.

I think the person who prepped the veg should have put water in the steamer. The person who turned the hob on should have been able to assume the water was in there.

Whatever you say about it being a light-hearted disagreement, the tone and wording of your posts suggests otherwise.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Both people should have checked pockets.

Veg prepper should have filled pan with water.

My general advice would be that acting as if everything is your own responsibility, as you would if living alone, is a good way of avoiding 'whose responsibility' conflicts. But honestly, with the veg, I still might not have thought to check, because of the way the whole thing was set up.

[Shoopdedoop]

I agree both are to blame for both scenarios.

Checking pockets as you put clothes in the washing machine, and lifting up a steamer to check there's water underneath take all of 10 seconds. It's hardly 'running around' after another adult to do a 10 second check that will give you piece of mind.

If there were other items in the pocket that then caused damage to other items of clothing in the machine (or the machine itself) there's an argument that the person who put on the machine would be at fault. Because if the machine had been put on by a third member of the family who was willing to do the quick 'piece-of-mind' check then the issue would've been avoided.

The PP summed it up best with two chance to avoid the issue and two chances to fail.

[Deadringer]

i check the clothes before i put them in machine, not when i put them in basket. I don't know if this is right or wrong, it's just what i do. If i prepped veg and put them in a pot i would put water in with them, seems odd not too. However i would check before switching on the cooker if someone else had prepped them, so i think you are both being unreasonable there.

[seayork2020]

Op i did get this was kinda light-hearted straight away, but both dh and i have done stupid things that has caused issues generally or for the other, we get annoyed a bit then move on.

[trilbydoll]

Once it's in the washing basket it's ready to go. DH turns his own jeans inside out now because he thinks it's important and I don't. If I pick it up off the floor trying to fill up the machine then I should check.

Putting the lid on the veg is quite a definite statement that it's good to go. If you're only doing half a job, don't put the lid on.

[AriettyHomily]

My husband keeps trying to be helpful by putting the wash on. THIS IS NOT HELPFUL. I am in control of the washing so there's not a load sitting in there for 48 hours getting damp and smelly. If he hangs it I have to reshape and actually peg anything, his ends up in the veg patch. The worst is when he hangs it out when its about to piss with rain and freezing cold. We have a tumble dryer for a reason.

He does loads around the house but just leave the washing (and dishwasher stacking) to me.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

I'd expect the water to be in the steamer but I would check pockets if I was loading the machine, regardless of whether i thought it should have been done before. The water being in the other pots leads you to an expectation that the water will be in the 3rd. With the washing there is nothing to compare to so I'd always check.

[LassInTheNE]

S1

Person putting the clothes in the hamper to be washed should check the pockets. Dh does all our laundry the least dd and I can do is make sure we've emptied crap from pockets first.

S2

If the person who prepped the veg put water in pans then I'd have assumed they'd put water in the steamer too. But both myself and dh have forgotten so whoever is cooking always checks the steamer before switching it on.

[mrsm43s]

So a surprising number of people DO seem to think that its my job to check that my adult DH has done his part of the job correctly. Is this just because I am female, or should DH also be responsible for checking that I've done simple jobs correctly? I certainly didn't notice him checking my timings for the roast beef, or checking that I'd weighed the ingredients correctly when making the Yorkshires. In fact, he didn't even check that I'd remembered to buy Horseradish when I went shopping. Surely all those are his responsibility to double check if we're responsible for checking other adults have done things right...

[NataliaOsipova]

Tissue thing - fault of the person who left the tissue in the pocket. Cooking thing - fault of the person who turned it on without checking. So one each I reckon, if that helps!

[Terrace58]

Clothing in hampers must be ready to wash In our house. Each hamper is already sorted so the contents just get dumped into the machine.


For the kitchen, I would expect a person would check the pan before turning it on.

[Shoopdedoop]

I'm also really surprised that the person who was making dinner didn't find it odd that a pan of potatoes were bubbling away, a pan of parsnips were bubbling away, but a steamer wasn't steaming?

If it wasn't your first time cooking this dinner, and you're monitoring the dinner, you should quite quickly pick up the steamer issue.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

No, if my DH was putting the washing in the machine, i'd expect him to check that anything pockety was empty. If I'd prepared the veg as described, I'd expect him to assume that there was water in the steamer. It's not a male/female thing to me.

[MikeUniformMike]

1. The pockets should have been emptied before the clothing was put in the laundry, but it wouldn't have harmed to check before they went in the machine. In the wrong - A.

1. I boil the water in the kettle for preparing food as it is more efficient, so both are IMO wrong.

But if I had seen two pans with water in them, I'd have probably assumed that the third had water in too.
In the wrong - B for not boiling kettle.

[Youcunnyfunt]

Scenario 1: Both
It's easy to forget to check pockets at the end of the day when changing, and I know I'd rather the floor was clear (because clothes haven't been checked in every pocket) than just checking what is being washed at the machine. It's good to try and check your pockets if you remember. It's good to check exactly what you washing - especially as certain items of clothing need to be washed separately or with a different type of detergent or cycle anyway. When sorting, just check again. It's not hard.

Scenario 2: If a steamer was stacked ready, I would be annoyed (as a cook) to have to remove the stacks to put water in. I would never as a prepper put something together for it to have to be taken apart to be able to complete the cooking task! It makes no sense to prepare a steamer without water. It's a bit dumb really, so I think scenario 2 is definitely more the prepper is in the wrong.

It's easy to forget re: washing so I think it's just one of those things where it's good to check at every stage (so neither wrong).

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

Scenario 1. Definitely the fault of the person putting the clothes in the wash. Once they are in the basket it is trading me to assume they are wash ready.

Scenario 2. Definitely the fault of the person cooking the veg. I’d only ever steam veg with boiling water (as opposed to cooking root veg from cold water) so would not expect Veg to be steamed to already be sitting in Water.

To me it is very clear.

[Eddielzzard]

Person putting washing in to basket should check pockets, not person putting washing on.

Person prepping veg should put water in. The fact that they're in their respective pots and on the hob means they're ready to go, when in fact they're not. Why should person doing the cooking check there's water in? Of course there should be water!

I totally am with you on this - DH is an adult and should do jobs properly. Not your job to check he's done it. Why should it?

[TheTrollFairy]

Whoever’s clothes they are should be emptying pockets (unless they are a child’s). I’m not putting my hands in someone else’s pocket to be greeted with snot tissue thank you.

The second, it depends how far in advanced the veg was put in the pot. I do it just before I want the veg to cook so I do the water but if the veg is in there a long time then the water should be added at the same time as the veg

[Shoopdedoop]

@mrsm43s

So a surprising number of people DO seem to think that its my job to check that my adult DH has done his part of the job correctly. Is this just because I am female, or should DH also be responsible for checking that I've done simple jobs correctly? I certainly didn't notice him checking my timings for the roast beef, or checking that I'd weighed the ingredients correctly when making the Yorkshires. In fact, he didn't even check that I'd remembered to buy Horseradish when I went shopping. Surely all those are his responsibility to double check if we're responsible for checking other adults have done things right...

I would double check because washing machines/clothes aren't cheap and even though your DH may end up coughing up to replace anything broken/damaged, in reality you both are taking the financial hit. Are you happy to risk that for the sake of a 10 second double check?

If your beef is slightly rare or overdone it's doesn't cost you anything, you just stick the food in longer or accept this meal didn't taste as good.