Are these 2 scenarios the same in principle, and who IBU?

[mrsm43s]

So disagreement with DH on this.
Two different scenarios, and two different opinions on who is to blame for the issues.

Scenario 1
One person puts washing in basket, without checking pockets etc
Other person puts washing straight from basket into machine and when unloading realises that tissue has been left in pocket, so mushy tissue mess all over washing. Who should have checked? The person putting the dirty washing into the hamper, or the person loading the machine?

Scenario 2
Cooking a roast dinner. One person prepped the vegetables and put them into a stovetop 2 tier steamer, placed the lid on and left them on the (turned off) ring on the electric hob ready to be switched on. Potatoes were left in saucepan of water on another (turned off) ring, and parsnips left in pan of water on another (turned off ring). Other person was doing main bulk of cooking roast, and at the appropriate time simply turned ring on for each pan. There was no water in the bottom pan of the steamer stack, so vegetables ruined, and burnt to bottom of steamer. Should the person switching on the stove have checked that the prepped veg had water in the bottom pan, or is that part of preparing the veg for cooking, and therefore it was reasonable to assume this had been done (as it was for the potatoes and parsnips), so no need to check?

DH and I agree on who is in the wrong in one scenario, but differ in the other (obviously I think he was in the wrong in both cases, but he thinks he was in the wrong in one, but I was in the wrong on the other!)

So who do you think is in the wrong? The non-checker or the half-jobber? And does it vary from scenario to scenario?

[ScarMatty]

You're both wrong for creating issues out of totally non issues

Just communicate better

[RaisinGhost]

1. Owner of clothes

1. Prepper - why put lid on and stack it otherwise, as then it's more work to undo the stack, add water and redo it. If I pepped veggies in this situation and wasn't going to add water, I'd leave them in a bowl next to the stove top.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Each individual is responsible for their own lothes so should empty their pockets before they put clothes in the wash. If someone is cutting up veg and putting in pans with water, they should put water in all the pans. Thats just common sense.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

Scenario one - I would say the person who places the trousers with tissues in the pocket in the washing basket is the one who should have checked. I am the person who puts the clothes in the washing machine and I generally also check but not always.

In the cooking question I would say whoever set the pans up ready to go should have made sure the water was in the pan also.

[Cheesess]

I work in an area where this kind of thing happens a lot.
And it’s ALWAYS deemed the fault of the second person for not checking!!

[PurpleDaisies]

That’s work not home @Cheesess

My husband is a fully functioning, competent adult. I am not his mother. There’s no way I should have to check his trousers for tissues.

[LastGoldenDaysOfSummer]

Person who prepped the steamer should have added water or left it on the side.

[Zilla1]

Agree with first response. Both adults should have checked to reduce the risk of error. Slightly unhealthy to have your DP with persistent carelessness and reliance with the resulting reaction of OP then seeking to apportion blame to train your DP. No blame, dual responsibility would be goal, ideally.

[Ponoka7]

1, owner of clothes
2, prepper.

If all those doing the jobs are over 13 then they take responsibility for their own tasks.

[Frazzled13]

Situation 1 - I do the washing in our house and I don’t check DH’s pockets, I expect him to do that.
Situation 2 - I think since the other pans had water in it was reasonable to assume the third one did too. But if it was me, I’d have double checked.

[LockdownLemon]

S1 - up to him to check his own pocketses.
S2 - if the pan had been on the side, you should have checked the water before putting it on the hob. But as it had been placed on the hob as if it were ready to go, then that's also his fault.

[Itisbetter]

Person putting laundry in machine should have checked
Person turning on veg should have checked.

[Graciebobcat]

I would always check there was water in the veg as I never leave veg soaking in cold water, it makes it more soggy when you cook it and it is so much faster to come to the boil if you start by boiling water in the kettle. I can't imagine a scenario where I would light gas rings without looking at what was in each pan first. So would say the second person who didn't check is more to blame there. I'd also be thinking about whether the carrots should be boiled but I could put the broccoli, cabbage, peas etc on top in the steamer instead, and how long they each take rather than just blindly switching them all on at once.

But I was brought up by parents who cooked veg to soggy tastelessness and it took ages as they prepped the veg early, soaked the veg in cold water and then just switched the electric rings on, bringing it to the boil from cold. So they would probably say the opposite.

[Quartz2208]

what were the veg - some need to be done from cold (so would make sense for it to be there).

Others (green veg in particular) need to be done quickly so boiled water

So two completely different prepping.

Ultimately though scenario 2 both to blame

[jackstini]

Just always double check

No, you shouldn't have to but it takes a few seconds and rules out issues like this!

[mrsm43s]

@Cheesess

I work in an area where this kind of thing happens a lot.
And it’s ALWAYS deemed the fault of the second person for not checking!!

Interesting. I wonder if that's a work/home difference though?

Basically, I don't think its part of my "job role" (for want of a better expression) to check that my DH has done things correctly (although of course I'd help if he asked for it e.g double checking figure or similar). Dh does seem to think that its my responsibility to double check things he does. Interestingly, he doesn't think it works both ways or that he has any responsibility to double check anything I do! (and to be fair, I'd be really pissed off he was double checking that I'd done simple jobs correctly - I'd find that patronising and annoying).

[SleepingStandingUp]

Check your own pockets.
Put water in the steamer if you're preparing the veggies and loading ut

[Graciebobcat]

And I tell people off for leaving things in their pockets and leaving socks scrunched up in a ball. I do check a bit as I sort the washing but there are five people in the house and every one of us is big enough to take responsibility for that.

[Cherrybalm]

scenario 1 drives me insane! my partner throws his trousers into the wash with all sorts of crap in the pockets that end up in the machine. of course you should empty your pockets before putting them in the wash bin/machine, especially if you're like me and you do it 9/10 for the whole household. like we havent got enough to do!

scenario 2 I'm leaving more towards the person who prepared the veg should have had water ready to go aswell, especially if other pans already had water in, I dont think it's unfair assumption that they were all ready to go

[WanderingMilly]

Stop the blame game entirely. Presumably both people are adults, therefore both have a degree of personal responsibility.
Person should check their pockets before putting washing in the basket, but equally, person loading the machine should check pockets too if it's not their own clothes.

Someone prepping vegetables should prep them properly so that they are 'good to go'; on the other hand, surely everyone checks saucepan contents before switching on a hot ring.

These scenarios are a microcosm of our society today...no-one prepared to take personal responsibility, everyone prepared to blame someone else and therefore have an argument about it.

[TheEC]

Person 1 in both scenarios is wrong. Who has the time to be checking every pocket while rushing to stick a wash on? 100% should be the person throwing their clothes in the wash in the first place.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

That’s interesting about your role supposedly being to ‘double check’. I suspect that’s because he doesn’t see those jobs as his, they are yours and he is doing you a favour by ‘helping out’. However the responsibility is still yours.

[Cherrybalm]

leaning*

[Doilooklikeatourist]

Mmmm , I'd say check your own pockets ( looks at own navy linen dress covered in tissue particles ... my fault )
However , I'd have put fresh boiling water in the pots and would have assumed the veg were in cold water to keep them fresh , and needed new cooking water , not the water they were standing in
So , basically whoever is doing the washing and / or cooking should just double check as they go
IMHO

[tinierclanger]

1.both, but mostly the clothes owner

1. The cooking person, because I don’t prefill the pan with water, I boil the kettle and then pour into the pan. But as everyone else said, mainly a communication error.