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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the pandemic is putting a lot of strain on marriages?

69 replies

StrippyMug · 27/09/2020 17:03

We're fine really but it was better when we had the odd break from each other a chane to miss each other. Now we both in the same space 24/7, dealing with kids, work, house work its a nightmare.

Speaking to friends I know many feel the same.

Testing times 😢

OP posts:
ColourMeExhausted · 27/09/2020 17:10

Yep. Absolutely it is. Me and DH are at each other's throats a lot. Stress of wfh, having two small DC around constantly no support and no activities we can do separately. It's incredibly hard. I thought that if we could get through full lockdown, we'd be OK...but it feels like the fall out is happening and it's exhausting. I think we'll be OK...but it's hard work and I know i am not alone in this.

QueenofmyPrinces · 27/09/2020 17:12

I think it’s a 50/50 split.

My husband was home for 5 months in total and I worked two days a week during that time.

I absolutely loved having him home all the time, as did the children, and we were all so happy. We said that it was the happiest we’d ever been.

However, like you, I know many friends who are REALLY struggling being home with their partners/husbands 24:7 and I do sympathise with them because they feel so emotionally torn about it all.

I hope things get better for them and I hope things gets better for you too OP Flowers

Readysetcake · 27/09/2020 17:13

Definitely. Another argumentative weekend here. Not sure how long we’re going to survive between kids and work and no escape. And we’ve just gone into local local down so can’t get help or go visit anyone for a break. I seem to be noticing more of the bad things about him than the good lately. Can see the divorce rate going up. Of which I may contribute at this rate.

Calic0 · 27/09/2020 17:13

It’s really hard. No DC here but we’ve both worked full time from home since March. Very conscious that we’re very lucky in many ways but we are never away from each other.

thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2020 17:14

It must be incredibly hard: the stress and claustrophobia of lockdown is horrific. Not natural at all for people to be forced into such close quarters and not healthy at all for people not to have any outside sources of friendship/stimulation. I take my hat off to those of you who have come through it.

I'm incredibly relieved not to be living with my boyfriend to be honest. Even though that meant we weren't allowed to see each other through lockdown. I would have cracked living with him and not being able to see anyone else.

doctorhamster · 27/09/2020 17:16

Absolutely. I love DH to pieces but I'm sick of the sight of him to be honest. I don't think it's healthy to be together 24/7 for months at a time!

Original poster
StrippyMug · 27/09/2020 17:17

I guess a lot depends on your personality type and relationship dynamics. One couple were very social and always had people round, parties etc and they struggle just the two of them. Another friend is very introverted and misses her time alone. Some are discovering just how useless their DH actually is.

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2020 17:19

StrippyMug this is a good point. My guess is that a lot of men got away with not pulling their weight around the home much prior to lockdown as they were out working. Now they have been at home for months its become painfully apparent how little they do.

Babyroobs · 27/09/2020 17:28

Yes it's stressful. We seem to be juggling things a lot more. Trying to ferry one DS to college so that he doesn't have to use crowded buses, another to his job as no public transport. Trying to support two kids through GCSE and A'level years because they have missed so much time off school. DH is at risk so we try to prevent him going to supermarkets etc so all the shopping falls to me now and I get fed up with it, previously we shared the shopping. Life is stressful. I am working from home but the kids seem to think if I am home i can be giving them lifts, making them lunch etc !

SonjaMorgan · 27/09/2020 17:38

I love having DH home but it would be nicer if we had the money we have lost due to covid. I miss meals out, doing normal stuff together and holidays.

roundofgolf · 27/09/2020 17:45

It depends on your personalities and living situation I think. During lockdown I was out of the house most days, to tire out our DD with long walks, and it also gave DH space to work. We live in a 2 bed flat with no garden, so we would all have been in the living room otherwise. Now DD is at nursery for a couple of days, and I quite like working alongside DH and DS at our computers (I'm a sahm but do I'm studying). We're quiet workers and it's a bit like a little office/library environment. Plus DH is able to help out with DD during the day instead of just in the mornings and evenings.

It would be easier though if we had a bigger house, even just one big enough to have a separate kitchen/dining area for one of us to be in a separate room (we have an open plan living/kitchen area, so really just one room in the flat).

emilyfrost · 27/09/2020 17:46

I think YABU.

DH and I loved spending so much time together on furlough in lockdown; we work together too so we’re used to being with each other all the time anyway so it was just natural for us and we make a great team.

LunaMuffinTop · 27/09/2020 17:46

Think it depends on the couple for DH and I the lockdown brought us closer together made our marriage even stronger than it was before the lockdown we needed the time together he went back to work in August I missed him a lot when he had to return to work but now he’s back on furlough a few days a week because someone in another department in his work tested positive for the virus. I hope you and your DH can get things back on track Flowers

Sunnydaysstillhere · 27/09/2020 17:47

I predict having a patio will be a trend before too long..

NancyBotwinBloom · 27/09/2020 17:49

@Sunnydaysstillhere

I predict having a patio will be a trend before too long..
Yep but I reckon it will be me under the patio. I'm finding it really hard and my DH is being his usual nice self. This is also winding me up. I already know I A B U Sad
madcatladyforever · 27/09/2020 17:50

For most of the history of humanity people died very young. Its not normal to live with another human being for so long as we do now.

hauntedvagina · 27/09/2020 17:59

Would have to disagree.

My marriage has never been stronger, we like being in the house together. My DH has gone from being out the house for 13 hours a day and pretty much only seeing the children at weekends to making breakfasts, doing bedtimes, being on hand during the day.

For the first time ever we eat as a family, previously DH and I would eat at 8pm after the children were in bed.

I don't think we could ever go back now, this works for us.

NancyBotwinBloom · 27/09/2020 18:08

I envy you @hauntedvagina

I wish I felt like this but I crave my alone time.

Hardbackwriter · 27/09/2020 18:17

@emilyfrost

I think YABU.

DH and I loved spending so much time together on furlough in lockdown; we work together too so we’re used to being with each other all the time anyway so it was just natural for us and we make a great team.

It's obviously a bit different if you're not working, though.

I was proud of how well DH and I pulled together to both work full-time from home while caring for DS, who was under two, but it was certainly hard and put a lot of pressure on us. Since DS has been back at nursery and DH has been back physically at work things have felt so much less stressful and so much more relaxed again.

Wwydiywm · 27/09/2020 18:17

I agree it's been difficult for a lot of couples but personally I've loved having my husband home.
We've got a toddler and he's enjoyed being home so much that he's gone freelance and part time so we can both look after her (I work part time too).
Without lockdown I'm not sure we would have reflected on our work life balance in the same way.

formerbabe · 27/09/2020 18:19

Absence makes the heart grow fonder Grin

hauntedvagina · 27/09/2020 18:20

@NancyBotwinBloom

I envy you *@hauntedvagina*

I wish I felt like this but I crave my alone time.

Don't get me wrong, we both enjoy our time alone, but this has been achieved by one of us taking the children out alone, or going upstairs to watch something in bed.
Bwlch · 27/09/2020 18:24

I work with my husband normally, we commute together. Covid hasn't made any difference at all.

If anything, life is better for us than before.

Goosefoot · 27/09/2020 18:24

Yes, I don't think this is really even a question, people are reporting very high levels of marriage stress.

For us I', mostly enjoying having my husband working from home. He sometimes finds it a bit overwhelming though. It's better now than it was, as we've moved and there is a little more room.

cheesecrack · 27/09/2020 18:30

We’re keyworkers so no change to working out of the home for us but lack of stuff for teenagers to do is hard.

There’s too much screen time in our house.

We’re the lucky ones though as we kept our jobs and have a garden. I feel very flat approaching winter with these kind of restrictions but my heart really goes out to people who are ‘trapped’.