Was I right to stop DS seeing his dad because his dad had a cold.

[marmite79]

DS was meant to see his dad. Ex mentioned he had a mild cold so I said no not today.

It maybe just a cold but DS has already had one heavy cold since he's been back to school which left him with a hacking cough and needing a covid test - negative.

I don't want him to get ill again so best he doesn't see him until he's better.

Ex says he'll pick germs up at school anyway but if I can minimise the risk of him catching a cold I will.. Every time DS gets a cold he gets a cough!

Aibu?

Yabvu.

YABVU I assume next time you have a cold you'll be sending DS away to stay elsewhere??

I suspect this is more do with your issues with your Ex about contact? (which might be valid, but don't pretend it's the cold that is the issue).

Stop pretending it's the cold that's the issue here - that makes you just as bad as your ex tbh.

YANBU - I don't think you should have to "stop" him seeing him but in my opinion everyone should be sensible enough to realise it's a bad idea and likely to cause very annoying, avoidable problems for you, so he should have agreed to cancel himself.

Yanbu.
colds are still shitty to have, why put someone through feeling shit unnecessarily
Coughs are even worse keeping you awake
Getting tested is unpleasant, why subject bkud to that when it could be avoided
Kid might miss up to a week of school if they get a cold waiting for test and results.
Who knows if dad's cold is just a cold? He's not very reliable in other areas of life.
Kid could spread cold to classmates before he develops symptoms

It's not going to be dad who takes time off,or look after the kid, or go through hassle of booking and getting a test.
Kid may lose out financially if mum takes a financial hit from losing work.

YANBU as contact is sporadic anyway. If he saw your ds regularly I'd say YWBU.

Would you refuse to take him back on your days if you had a cold? Presumably not.

Tbh I never understand why people say this. I am not a single parent but if I had a cold my DD was not yet exposed to and had the facility to push back her return from somewhere she was safe, well and happy, then I would absolutely do it, to spare her the cold. And to a lesser extend myself the further complication of the time off that might come from her catching one.

I am normally the champion of the NRP's right not to be dictated to by the RP but in this case, I think people need to recognise that this is a difference in attitude to how to handle illness, rather than the politics of RP/NRPs.

Definitely unreasonable. Your child will pick up another cold from someone else in no time. They tend to have five or six a year.

Also unsure why you’re asking when you’re so sure you’re right. If you want a rant about your shit ex then start a new thread and list his many flaws.

Personally with the extra information you’ve given I don’t think you are being unreasonable

Yes sorry I think yabu. You can't keep him away from his dad for a cold. You say you won't put him through another test - my children have had two tests and were fine. Unfortunately children will probably have to get used to them as can see them passing around coughs and temps all winter.

So if you get a cold are you sending him to his father until you are better? Surely he has as much right to see his child as you.

I think you did the right thing... I'd rather be safe than sorry. I would rather deal with a peeved off ex than a kid with a cough/ cold or COVID! Unless he's actually tested for COVID and got a negative then how do you know that it's only a cold?

Yes YABU. It’s a hold, we all get them.

I'm sure you'll be fine then if you get a cold ds can stay with his dad til you're all better.

I'm surprised at all the YABUs. YA only BU if your ex plans to look after him so that you can work when DS catches the cold. If not, of course you should avoid it! Kids have missed so much school and normal life this year. I would try to keep things as consistent as possible.

I think YABVU and that his dad having a cold gave you a nice excuse to punish him and not let him see his DS. I can't abide people who use their kids as weapons. Your DS will catch colds everywhere, it's that time of year, let him see his dad

I do feel YABU. Will you keep him off school if a child in the class develops a mild cold. What if you develop a mild cold? Or is it just the father you are banning him from seeing for having a mild cold?

bored is there no responsibility for the ex then to deal with any consequences? This particular ex sees his kid for a few hours as and when it suits him. He's hardly the bedrock of this child's life and in this case it is the op who might have to take more time off work or isolate IF her child's school decide he can't come in. It probably is only a cold but that doesn't matter at the moment. Originally I said op was BU but given the lack of input ex has with the child, and the very possible fallout that will fall on the op, not the ex, I think differently now. It's not as simple as 'punishing' the ex, is natural consequences of his lack of input.

I would say your being unreasonable but have if done a test on my own child (it was horrible) I say YANBU

I think you needed to explain what a waste of space this man is and how your ds feels about seeing him. At first I thought ywbu. As is, it’s just for a couple of hours for your ds to suffer through then potentially suffer for weeks after plus putting your livelihood on the line. All in all, ywdnu.

So long as when you inevitably get a cold at some point over the winter period you'll be happy having your son kept away from you.

I'm going to have to shamefully admit I only read your OP. You are definitely less UR as I've read your other comments.

I do agree with others though that this is obviously not just about the cold.

Colds are a fact of life though. Her DS is still going to school where probably half the class already have colds. Being a single parent and having to deal with illness is shit but it's how it is.

Sorry OP. YABU. Your child has a right to see his dad and if you were still together you wouldn't kick him out the house for a cold?

Colds still exist (although the UK population seems to have forgotten this) and children should be getting them, it builds up their immune system. My DN has a genetic condition which means he is more susceptible to colds and the such and has been told by his geneticist that the more colds he catches the better for his long term health.

I did stop DS seeing his elderly relative yesterday as he woke up with a runny nose. Just in case. I don't want her to get sick, the implications for her could be very serious.