Was I right to stop DS seeing his dad because his dad had a cold.

[marmite79]

DS was meant to see his dad. Ex mentioned he had a mild cold so I said no not today.

It maybe just a cold but DS has already had one heavy cold since he's been back to school which left him with a hacking cough and needing a covid test - negative.

I don't want him to get ill again so best he doesn't see him until he's better.

Ex says he'll pick germs up at school anyway but if I can minimise the risk of him catching a cold I will.. Every time DS gets a cold he gets a cough!

Aibu?

YABU. If you get a cold will you send your child to live some where elss while you get better? Probably not.

You mentioned that it's the first time the dad has wanted to see him in 6 weeks. I think its tit for tat.

Am I being unreasonable when I would be the one looking after DS when he was sick? Taking time off work and putting him through a covid test because every time DS gets one he gets a cough - always!! When he was younger it would always go onto his chest and chest infections now it's just a cough. DS suffers badly when he gets a cold... Just so his dad could see him for 2 hours after not bothering for weeks.

Also to add, DS doesn't care. If anything he's happy. He doesn't like seeing his dad for various reasons at the minute.. he had a strained relationship with him. But that is another issue..

If dad phoned and said "can I see ds today?" Yanbu. If contact was arranged yabu to cancel for a mild cold.

@marmite79

Just to clarify it's the s first time his dad has shown interest in seeing him for 6 weeks. It's not a weekly or regular thing and he only sees him for a couple hours. Doesn't seem worth it when DS could get ill again.

Seems its not about the cold but your resentment for him not being around. YABU

Dont let your personal feelings for ex get in the way of your DS having a father, even if that father is unreliable. A child how is taught how to think for himself will with time see his father for what he is anyway

That is terrible ! Poor kid and dad. That’s not even a remotely good reason, bad cough And fever yes but a mild cold. That’s wrong

What would you do if you had a cold, would you send him to stay elsewhere in case he caught it? I think your annoyance at your ex is clouding your judgement a bit.

YABU

Given the previous instance of a cough which could have alarmed many at the school, YANBU.

YABU , it's just a cold and if he hasn't seen him in 6 weeks surely it would have been good for your son to see him? I do think as others have said you're letting your feelings towards the ex affect you

If it would inconvenience you getting to work and having to take time off? Then yes based on my own experience of having to get DS tested and now he isolating again due to someone being positive in his bubble...

Absolutely OP you have done the right thing.

If you're so sure YANBU, why post?

Given for your son a cold would likely end in a cough, self isolation for you both, a Covid test and you having to take time off work, I think you've done the right thing.

Sounds like you’re looking for any excuse for him not to see his dad.
Would you send him to stay with someone else just because you got a cold?

YABVU. You don’t have any right to stop a child seeing their other parent just because they have a cold.

It’s called the common cold for a reason. You were out of order.

I understand your concern but what would happen when you get a cold?

YABU

I think Yabu as it’s just a cold.

Everyone seems really paranoid about colds this year. I realise it’s because of COVID but a cold is still just a cold!

Yabu

@Love51

Let's take a guess who is going to take time off work should DS develop symptoms and need to isolate while waiting for a test? If it was a dad who pulled his weight ywbu. But it is a dad who thinks he's an uncle, so crack on, OP, do what you think is best.

this ^

if he was a regular father i would say you are being unreasonable

but no i agree with this poster.

Did anyone read between the lines? No I'm guessing. My son always gets a cough after a cold. He cried when I carried out the test. We spent 4 days isolating waiting for results. I doubt this poor dad by the sounds of it will be doing any of this. Ynbu!!

YABU.

For reference if your child has a cold first and then starts coughing it's unlikely covid. If school are enforcing that I would have a discussion with them.

Would you refuse to take him back on your days if you had a cold? Presumably not. I think YABU. People get colds, and contact with his dad is more important.

Let's take a guess who is going to take time off work should DS develop symptoms and need to isolate while waiting for a test?
If it was a dad who pulled his weight ywbu. But it is a dad who thinks he's an uncle, so crack on, OP, do what you think is best

Exactly. He hasn’t bothered to see him for 6 weeks, this 2 hour visit won’t make a difference.
Yanbu

For reference if your child has a cold first and then starts coughing it's unlikely covid. If school are enforcing that I would have a discussion with them.

So op has to facilitate, discuss with school and pick up the pieces if it backfires? Listen to yourself!

ok I am actually revising my YABU to YANBU. Given his sporadic presence and the fact that any repercussions WILL fall on you to sort (I have one of those exes too) then it seems reasonable to put off a short visit another week or so.