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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh my GOD, its SOOOOOO unfair!!!!

114 replies

HugeAckmansWife · 27/09/2020 09:15

AIBU to say this everytime my attitudinally challenged tweens ask me to do anything / everything? I work FT and am a single parent so pretty full on. They reluctantly have accepted a few chores like emptying dishwasher, taking laundry up etc but any time I ask them to just run and get X from upstairs, or pop the recycling out or grab me a glass of water while I'm ironing their uniforms I get eye rolling and stomping and 'why do I have to?'. So, can I do it too? (this lighthearted by the way pleae don't berate me for having / resenting kids etc)!

OP posts:
LakieLady · 27/09/2020 16:59

My ds(12) is going through the 'what is the point in cleaning it when it will only get dirty again' phase

You need to watch that phase. In my case, it's lasted for over 50 years.

GettingUntrapped · 27/09/2020 17:05

Seems almost like children are evolutionarily designed to walk all over adults (especially parents). It's a hard job to moderate and tame them into civilisation.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/09/2020 17:21

So much of my problem with mine came because I was so very poor.

Couldn't afford pocket money or much in the way of treats. When there's nothing to withold if they don't comply, they really don't see the benefit in complying.

It's astonishing how well they've turned out, quite honestly. Although DS2 (26) did tell me, when I was reminiscing about how dreadful they were when younger - 'you should have MADE us.'

Oh, how I laughed. And I look forward to him becoming a father and finding out...

Hadalifeonce · 27/09/2020 17:27

You could always withhold your labour for a little while, I'm sure you would have cooked their meals yesterday, why should you have to do it today, it must be someone else's turn!

GettingUntrapped · 27/09/2020 17:27

Yes, children challenge us to the core of our being. Exhausting, but sometimes (not often for me) amazing. But here we all are...

notacooldad · 27/09/2020 17:28

When my kids did this I thought I'd zoned out to it but frustration must have been building up because one day i just blew!! Really blew in to a rage never seen before or since in our house. The kids stood frozen to the spot and then ran!! I think they were about 8 and 11 or something.
It is still a talking point 15 years later!! However things did improve, so I guessed that worked!🤣🤣

GettingUntrapped · 27/09/2020 17:42

You have to really mean it. Otherwise you lose.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2020 18:06

they knew perfectly well what they should have been doing as youngster - they just didn't want to. And, as a single mum to five, they knew I couldn't make them.

Well, I wouldn't want to share a house with a capable adult who was a burden in the house because they did nothing, so my response would be "I have no legal responsibility towards you once you're 18, so if you're not prepared to do your bit in the house by then, you can damned well go and get your own place to live so you won't be a burden in this one"

twoshedsjackson · 27/09/2020 18:14

I wasn't threatened with Childline - the aggrieved party was all for doing it!
Our lovely PTA fundraised for a "jungle gym" construction at the edge of the school field. As you can imagine, hugely popular and over-subscribed, strict rota etc.
I was teaching a class, not my own, when one Year 3 lad (so 7 years old) asked to go to the loo. Only just in from break; if it had been my own form, he'd have been told where he got off, but when you don't know them so well, you don't want to inadvertently stop the child with a genuine problem, but I had my suspicions.
Unfortunately for him, the window by my desk afforded a clear view of the playground, so I was able to watch him spend a glorious ten minutes of undisputed occupancy of the jungle gym.
When breaktime came around, I pointed out to him that he'd already had his ten minutes on the climbing frame, so now was the time to make up the ten minutes' working time. (Note, I kindly left him some breaktime to actually use the loo!) Although gobsmacked, he complied, muttering somewhat.
The next thing we knew was that he was in the school office, asking to use the phone; boys were allowed this if they could give a good reason. He calmly told the school secretary that he was planning to call Childline, as I had clearly infringed his human rights. When she had stopped laughing, she set him straight.
It could have been a most interesting chat with Esther Rantzen.

itsgettingweird · 27/09/2020 21:51

Two that's actually hilarious Grin what did his parents say when they found out?!

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/09/2020 22:49

@CurlyhairedAssassin

they knew perfectly well what they should have been doing as youngster - they just didn't want to. And, as a single mum to five, they knew I couldn't make them.

Well, I wouldn't want to share a house with a capable adult who was a burden in the house because they did nothing, so my response would be "I have no legal responsibility towards you once you're 18, so if you're not prepared to do your bit in the house by then, you can damned well go and get your own place to live so you won't be a burden in this one"

They did all leave home at 18 - they all went off to university!
twoshedsjackson · 28/09/2020 09:42

itsgettingweird I think he had the wit not to let on at home, when he realised what a laughing stock he had made of himself. Many times I have finally met up with Mummy for a chat to find that only the "edited highlights" have reached the parental ears......
We tried to look on the positive side, that he felt he could stand up for himself and air his grievances, although in this case his sense of entitlement went a bit far.

CSIblonde · 28/09/2020 09:58

YANBU. The coat shopping though...not many kids would enjoy that. I'd shop online unless it's stuff for you & you're in the mood for a mooch round the shops.

Rocinante39 · 28/09/2020 10:13

A very minor point. Look at how you ask: 'just to run', 'pop the recycling out', 'grab me a glass of water'. The way you say it suggests the tasks are very easy or even fun. That puts people's back up.

Even worse, by asking you suggest they have a choice. They therefore decline your offer. Instead of asking in a jokey manner try instructing.Instructing can be polite and it can include please.

What worked for mine, well for short time, was : 'I know its a nuisance but please make me a cup of tea' If they say no, you then you make yourself a cup of tea and you go on strike.

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