Oh my GOD, its SOOOOOO unfair!!!!

[HugeAckmansWife]

AIBU to say this everytime my attitudinally challenged tweens ask me to do anything / everything? I work FT and am a single parent so pretty full on. They reluctantly have accepted a few chores like emptying dishwasher, taking laundry up etc but any time I ask them to just run and get X from upstairs, or pop the recycling out or grab me a glass of water while I'm ironing their uniforms I get eye rolling and stomping and 'why do I have to?'. So, can I do it too? (this lighthearted by the way pleae don't berate me for having / resenting kids etc)!

What we demonstrate and teach to children about how their home runs, are the attitudes and skills they take into adult life. We didn't make our kids do chores JUST to get the work done. Far more importantly they were acquiring the attitudes, responsibility and social co-operation that equip them for employment and adult relationships.

totally agree with the idea that life isn't fair and you do just have to do shit. I don't want to make up stories for the playmobile people / dolls house occupants. I don't want to understand the finer points of fortnite, or even the basic premise frankly. I don't want to run around doing 50 things before I get to work. I do say that to them, and I also do suggest that if we are only now doing things to benefit ourselves, that suits me fine. Its a work in progress. To the pp who said its annoying to be asked to get someone a drink or a book Im a bit - isn't that just part of being in a household - and its always when I am actively doing something else, not just I can't be arsed.

Oh and -- in a decade of posting, this is my first trending thread

During the period when most teachers loathed Catherine Tate's 'Am I bovvered? character, Lauren, we all tended to suffer from teenagers thinking they were being really really edgy, repeating this endlessly. After one lesson one of the worst offenders stayed behind and said she was stuck on her coursework. My reply of 'Am I bovvered' shocked her, especially when I played the game of repeating it. Eventually the penny dropped and we came to an understanding about her behaviour and coursework!

Next day I got a call from her mother, expecting her to be furious, it was a pleasnt surprise when she could hardly speak for laughing, 'That's teach the little Madam!'

@2bazookas

What we demonstrate and teach to children about how their home runs, are the attitudes and skills they take into adult life. We didn't make our kids do chores JUST to get the work done. Far more importantly they were acquiring the attitudes, responsibility and social co-operation that equip them for employment and adult relationships.

You see, that's what baffles me.

My kids refused to do chores. Flatly refused. Fought and argued and screamed and shut themselves in rooms and everything, just to avoid having to do something that, they perceived, was unfair because all their brothers and sisters weren't doing the exact same thing (each had a different 'chore', but they would barter, swap, etc, so I was never quite sure who was supposed to be doing what).

I couldn't, in the end, physically 'make' them do anything.

Yet they've all learned to 'adult' really well, all have responsible, high earning jobs, equality with their partners, tidy and clean homes. So I have to conclude that they knew perfectly well what they should have been doing as youngster - they just didn't want to. And, as a single mum to five, they knew I couldn't make them.

I have the opposite problem - ds constantly offers to help out , everything I am doing, he wants to be doing it too - hoovering, cleaning, ironing, laundry, dishes etc etc. Every thing I do, he wants to do too. He’s 3. Please tell me it doesn’t change ...?!

Single mum here too and my 12 nearly 13 year old has definitely hit this point, everything is whhaatttt leaavvee me alone, why do i need a clean bedroom I like it dirty 😳🙈 everything is hard work for him try having a convo and it's pointless lol. Good luck 🤞😅

@SqidgeBum

I am a secondary teacher. I do this in response to my students when they say 'uggghlllmmnnggghgn' when I ask them to open their book or pick up their pen. Sometimes I will include a dramatic stamping of feet, just to hammer home the stereotype. They quickly realise how ridiculous they sound.

You are totally not being unreasonable.

uggghlllmmnnggghgn has to be my favourite word of the day

My friend has a theory that tweens and teenagers get so intolerable so they actively repel their parents which makes it easier to move out

I thought my 12 year old had invaded mumsnet
Dont forget other classics

YOUR THE WORST MUM EVER

EVERYONE ELSE IN MY CLASS/FRIENDS/WORKS DOESNT HAVE TO DO THIS

I HATE YOU

MY LIFE IS OVER

YOU HATE ME

@Waveysnail

My response would be
"yep, all of the above my darling, now hurry up and peel the potatoes" [insert twinkly laugh]

YANBU

When my were young I made the pocket money related to small chores. One was more keen than the other, twins, so I reduced the rate for the stroppy one and explained that you really need to do these few things with good grace/positive attitude. Rather like me not having a tantrum because I had to cook dinner for them.

@Zaphodsotherhead
I think if mine had ever said that about child line I would have said crack on then, I had a job to get mine to help, always why isn't the other one doing it etc,

Gave up with bedrooms and shut their doors and didn't iron their stuff once they were in the 6th form.

@HugeAckmansWife

AIBU to say this everytime my attitudinally challenged tweens ask me to do anything / everything? I work FT and am a single parent so pretty full on. They reluctantly have accepted a few chores like emptying dishwasher, taking laundry up etc but any time I ask them to just run and get X from upstairs, or pop the recycling out or grab me a glass of water while I'm ironing their uniforms I get eye rolling and stomping and 'why do I have to?'. So, can I do it too? (this lighthearted by the way pleae don't berate me for having / resenting kids etc)!

Mine did this and I spent 24 hours doing it one day - my god they got a shock. So go through the washing and take out all of their stuff and don't do it, don't cook. They want food -they can go to Tesco etc. They want a lift -whistle for it. They want the internet -they don't pay -change the password and then they can whistle for it. Same for phone etc they will soon get the idea. Then have a frank discussion and also maybe show them this thread............ Mine pick their jobs -but they do it WITHOUT being asked, else they are adding to my workload.

I'm a teacher and I'm sick of kids saying 'Ahhhh that's not fair' just because they didn't get their own way.

So am I.. But somehow I can get a whole class of teenagers to do stuff much easier than my two!

@HugeAckmansWife

So am I.. But somehow I can get a whole class of teenagers to do stuff much easier than my two!

Because people ourselves included are different at work than home.

I sat in DDs room this morning, having been called up to help with homework and grumbling as I finished the task I was in the middle of before coming up, to then get growled at for suggesting things that needed fixing and then ignored as she was miles further back than she’d implied. So I sat daydreaming about how it’s only 4 years until she leaves for Uni and I will take her lovely sunny room to do crafts in and not be bothered by all the “I need help NOW” incidences.

@slipperywhensparticus

Can you grab your coat hangers for me son? WHAT NOW? OMG I DO EVERYTHING! OK son you carry on with the ironing make a cup of tea watch the hot iron with your brother and the cats don't forget food needs to be ready in an hour and i will get the coat hangers down.......i will make you a cup of tea just let me grab the hangers mom 😂

Seriously I give my son a choice help or swap jobs

I do this too - generally shuts them up when I have pointed out all the things I have already done and still need to do!

They think they have us over a barrel with threats of calling the police and Childline. Oh, wait, as their parent, I suppose they do. A slave that can't escape.

Loving "attitudinally challenged tweens"

Do you ask them equally? I went on strike in my teens because my mother always asked me to run errands etc, never my brother. She admitted to doing it too.

I can't believe none of you have to ensure beautifully ironed your unicorns for childrens' school bags 🤪
Doh! I'd love to say stupid wine - but it was just stupid me 🤩

toasty yes, I do try to make sure its roughly equal but I don't keep score of little things like putting cutlery on the table or hanging up a coat that's fallen. Its whoever is closest. And YY to getting growled at when you are trying to help with homework or a craft project that they have asked you to help with - DD rages at me before I've even opened my mouth sometimes and will NOT accept the help she has asked for so I just walk off and that enduces more rage. Is it wine O'clock yet?

Have a day off ...! And stop washing their clothes until they do said jobs ...!

Mh ds tried this once!

Had the whole "I don't want to, why should I - why can't you do it?" attitude one memorable Sunday.

First time he'd had the attitude and he came with it full force.

That evening he got changed for his beloved swimming training which I take him to 6 times a week including early mornings.

As he got ready I ran a luxurious bath with bubbles and candles etc.

He asked "why are you having a bath - you have to take me swimming"

I replied "I don't want to, why should I? Why you can't go yourself?"

Worked like magic!

Now when he starts the tude I ask "are you planning on training later?"