To think I need to lower my standards after going in my neighbours flat tonight

[RPL1992]

Something in my flat broke tonight and I had to go downstairs in to my neighbour's flat for help. I'm a single mum of 2 DC under 6, she is married with one 3 year old DC. Honestly, I was shocked at how messy her flat was. I couldn't see any of the kitchen surfaces, dishes everywhere, clothes thrown over the floor and even on the hallway floor. I couldn't even put my daughter down as there was no space, a random matress in the hallway. My flat is messy in the day from toys but nowhere near to that extent, my washing up is always kept on top of and and the laundry is put away. I have a quick hoover around every night after the kids have gone to bed. What I did notice though, is how happy and smart her little one is and honestly, I felt kind of jealous that she clesrly cares so little about housework. It takes up quite a bit of my time and I guess that is time I could spend playing with my kids. I also feel that being a single mum, people judge me more and keeping a tidy home is proving a point that I'm "coping." How do I care less about housework? Or in your opinion, is housework important?

Strike a balance. You don’t need to live in a show house but not do you need to live with old dishes piled up around you either.

DH grew up in a dirty house, btw. He couldn't wait to get away. He's not even exceptionally clean, himself, but just found the degree of mess hard to live with.

No i would not rethink what I do based on another person but we don't spend ages doing house work so our place is a bit messy but usually clean to an acceptable standard

We are not going to live in a show home then complain how busy we are and how tired we are if we spend all our making it perfect

Dirty dishes are always a false time saver, anyhow. If you get through 12 plates and 8 mugs a day, you can either wash a few at a time, quickly, while they're fresh, or let them sit around until they're a bit funky and dried up, but you've run out of clean plates and cups. Yiu still need to wash 12 plates and 8 cups but it takes more effort to get them clean.

Just do what feels natural for you.

I can't cope with mess or chaos. It makes me feel depressed and out of control of my life so I try the best I can to keep the house clean and tidy. I have friends whose houses are definitely more lived in but it doesn't bother them at all and I envy that a bit! I have never noticed any detrimental effect on any of our children either way.

I can't imagine walking into a messy dirty house and thinking "I wish I could be this relaxed". In all honesty I would always think "how can they live like this?". However I appreciate that we are all different and I am both massively houseproud and find cleaning/a clean home de-stressing. My kids are fine. I'm not crazy about it - my teens rooms are messy and their responsibility to tidy (although I make them bring all dirty crockery down every night). I might have spent more time tidying in their childhood than some but I spent plenty of quality time with them.

I have felt like this and wondered if I spend to much time on housework and feel guilty when I hear "mummy play with me" and I just can't leave the job. Like alot of people say there will be a middle ground. I couldn't live in a grotty mess I just would be unhappy and stressed. But I do time things better and leave somethings until the end of the day, when the kids go to bed or now when they are in school. It's not easy to just leave things when it's time for the kids, but I learnt to let things go quite a bit like the ironing (who cares about a few creases) It gets easier the more you do it.

I have to say though I remember not being allowed to walk on carpets my mom had vacuumed, eating crisps from a bowel in case I dropped one. You def need to find a balance

@AllBellyandBoobs

My husband works away fairly frequently and the house is always much tidier when he isn't here. I think it is a mixture of me hating to tidy up after another adult, and assuming he will do half of everything. When I am the only adult home, I just get on and do without thinking about it.

All of this. Our house isn't awful, but it is untidy a lot of the time. Lockdown hasn't helped as having visitors is usually what keeps us incentivised to tidy more frequently.

DH isn't awful or anything but we can both be slow to tidy up after ourselves, and if he's away the house is significantly tidier.

I’ve never felt the need to hoover daily. It amazes me how many people do. We don’t have pets which might be the difference. And don’t really eat outside of the kitchen which has a hard floor and gets a quick sweep with a dustpan and brush.
We leave books and magazines that people are currently reading by the sofas and there are often cups or glasses by the dishwasher when it’s full and washing or not yet emptied.
For me this is a good balance.
I really feel on edge when people swipe away cups barely finished with and tidy away newspapers you’re part way through.

I grew up in a house that was tidy, but not actually that clean. I used to be quite jealous of kids whose parents seemed more "normal" - keeping things straight, cups on coasters, that sort of thing. I could see that it was possible to go too far the other way as well, but there definitely is a balance to be struck between giving your kids the impression that the house matters more than you do, and bringing them up in a house that is noticeably less straightened out than their peers'.

*more than they do, I mean

Well I certainly wouldn't be hoovering after the kids had gone to bed. Mines older now but dinner marks the end of the days work for me. Far too exhausted for chores in the evening - occasionally I habe to iron something but that would be all.