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Original poster

FOR ALL THOSE WHO ARE DIVORCED/SEPERATED

103 replies

RegularNameChanger106 · 26/09/2020 19:42

What was the final nail in the coffin?
What was last thing your ex did to make you finally leave them?

OP posts:
Greenkit · 26/09/2020 22:15

We went on holiday and behaved more like siblings.

Came back and told him it was over

Overwhelmed222 · 26/09/2020 22:16

Yelled across the room at me “ARE YOU STUPID?” with a look of abject hatred on his face.

I am 100% better off without him.

Overwhelmed222 · 26/09/2020 22:18

In front of my dds I should add Angry.

There was a lot leading up to that - in the years before that - but it was that evening that decided things for me.

airforsharon · 26/09/2020 22:21

Drank when he'd promised not to. He wasn't a heavy drinker but an every nighter, just to the point of being dopey and sometimes beligerent - eg would slam about if dcs played up. It was like having another child in the house. I didn't like leaving him in charge of the dcs when he was 3 sheets to the wind, so i rarely went out of an evening, maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We'd talked about it, he promised if i was out he wouldn't drink.
Couple of days later i went to a concert in town, was out maybe 3 hours. I came back, he was obviously tipsy but denied it. Spotted empty cans in recycling the next day. Told him to bugger off.

Overwhelmed222 · 26/09/2020 22:21

My dds who were frozen to the sofa. They may never see either of us in a functional intimate relationship (don’t know if I will meet anyone - doesn’t feel like it), but at least I have taught them that someone who doesn’t speak to you for weeks on end and who has a bad temper is not a loving partner, and you don’t have to put up with shit (but I did for many wasted years sadly).

planningaheadtoday · 26/09/2020 22:24

He told me at a table In a restaurant that he wanted to put his fist through my face.

My crime had been to play a quiet game under the tablecloth with my young son who was very bored.

The next day he tried to pass it off as a 'joke'. I pointed out that as a joke it would have been in appalling taste, but as he'd done it previously, I took him seriously.

Carrick27 · 26/09/2020 22:25

He physically put his hands on our 16yr old son while he was drunk and being aggressive. I lost what little respect I had left for him then.

Home42 · 26/09/2020 22:26

He didn’t help at home, didn’t work and seemed utterly unhappy to be with me and our DD. The last straw was when he slapped the dog though. I was just so fed up with him being unhappy about everything.

That was 2 years ago. This evening I had dinner with my new boyfriend and a couple of his friends. We all chatted and laughed, like normal people! My DD got to see that. Something she’d never have seen living with her Dad - he’d have been miserable in company and I’d have felt embarrassed by his behaviour.

pinkyboots1 · 26/09/2020 22:31

He treated me like a second class citizen and would shout and scream at our Autistic son, he then started to be so horrid to our daughter and I could see that he was starting to treat her like a nothing too. He'd always say that there was no way I'd ever manage without him especially because my son 'wasn't right in the head' and all of a sudden the light came on and I told him that it was over and I didn't love him at all.

RHOBHfan · 26/09/2020 22:34

Not divorced/separated, but long term parter...

Woke me up in the middle of the night, screaming at me, questioning why I had played a DVD on the playstation, and in the process, deleted the progress on his game.

It had been 5 years of him screaming at me. But that night, I knew we were done.

I left him, and never looked back.

NewMumSoon1 · 26/09/2020 22:35

He'd left a dirty spoon on our fairly new fabric sofa. I lost it and he left, slept in his van in a hammock and I never saw him again. Well apart from about 2 months ago when I was in hospital and he was manning the main door.

This was after almost 4 years of emotional abuse and 2 physical abuse instances!

CandyLeBonBon · 26/09/2020 22:46

My second ex threatened to tell social services things that I wouldn't want them to knuu I w unless I did exactly what he wanted. I told the police and never spoke to him again. The fall out was horrendous and I nearly had a mental breakdown. He took nearly 10k from me over an 18 month period and cheated, lied and gaslit next constantly. It was a fucking shitshow but I'm still glad I did it even though it was one of the worst times of my life.

When I was 26 I called the police on an Abusive boyfriend who used to hit and kick me. They escorted him out of my flat and I refused all contact.

I clearly have terrible taste in men.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/09/2020 22:52

Seeing his behaviour impact the mental health of my kids , and The Freedom Programme
I left it too late , but in all fairness I tried to split and he wouldn’t let me

It was like extracting a Molar 🦷

Very awful

RB68 · 26/09/2020 22:56

When he told me how disgusting my feet were for 20 m - I sat and looked at my feet and a light went on - I just said, there is nothing wrong with my feet. There is nothing wrong with anything you pick me apart for, you are the issue and I have had enough - the sofa is downstairs.

I still put up with him for another 3 mths and went flat hunting on my birthday for him. I looked at him and I just said I have no idea why you need my approval but its fine, but I won't be here so why am I here

FeellikeEeyore · 26/09/2020 23:11

It wasn't him that made me want to leave. He kept on telling me how much he had done for me and the endless reasons I should be grateful to him. I remember going out with some friends one night (against his will) and realising they were happy in their relationships, their partners never put them down or made them feel like they should be stepford wives. Seeing what they had made me realise it was time to leave.

QueenofAsgard · 26/09/2020 23:18

He blew through a months wages in four days and then attacked me in front of my children when I refused to give him any money. My child was trying to protect me and I knew that was it. It had never really happened in front of the kids before but once it did I knew I had to get him out and it was finally done. I actually felt something shift in me.

IndieTara · 26/09/2020 23:44

It was the stupidest thing that finally did it for me. My then Husband liked me to use the clippers on his hair. But I hated doing it and wasn't very good at it.

He started ranting and threw the clippers across the room in temper and smashed them. That was my straw that broke the camels back

DrizzleandDamp · 26/09/2020 23:47

My sister saying if I didn’t make the choice to come home they would stop picking up the phone and listening to me cry.

Harsh but it worked.

Bellabluea · 26/09/2020 23:54

My god these stories are so sad, you’re all such strong women!
Mine wasn’t really a final thing more a feeling of being lonely in a houseful of people every night and realising I didn’t actually want to go home after work because it was exhausting putting on this happy families act every night. He’s not a bad person and neither am I, we just outgrew each other which makes me sad.

terrelontane · 27/09/2020 00:00

Dad sending a handwritten letter saying ‘I know you don’t need my permission to leave, but in case it makes any difference, I’m right behind you.’

Pachonga · 27/09/2020 00:01

Two weeks after we moved continents, my husband met a woman wno he immediately fell in love with. I found out pretty soon afterwards and he assured me nothing had actually happened (I believe him) and he stopped seeing her and we gave our marriage a good shot but a year later, both realised it wasn’t working anymore and he moved out into his own place. No actual straw, as far as I can recall.

Of course he is now with the OW but no (well, not many) hard feelings. Our kids dealt with it well, they’re happy, and I am contented. Until Covid came along, I would say I had a good, fulfilling life. It’s a little harder under current conditions.

Yorkshiretealady · 27/09/2020 00:03

OP are you ok and do you want to talk about it?

I've left 2 relationships. 1st was domestically abusive and 2nd was financially abusive.

I've now met an absolute diamond, I thank my lucky stars every day, he's nothing at all like either of my ex's. For the first time in my life I feel equal to my partner. I feel we're a partnership and a team.

I never thought I would ever meet anyone like him. I look at my kids now and they are thriving. My anxiety and depression was hugely affecting them. Best decision for us all.

When the time comes, you'll know. Please don't look back. Don't give in. Don't regret your decision. Look forward. Even if you have a future on your own, you'll never be made to feel like you do now. You've got this and we're all here to help and hold your hand if you need it.

The grass is greener and the future is bright. No one should be unhappy.

Xx

PenguinsOnParade · 27/09/2020 00:09

I found out that while I was struggling to pay the bills and feed our family, the reason we were constantly broke was the huge amount of money he was spending on two other women (there may have been more but I only ever got proof of two of them.) We attended an event with his extended family and after some really snide comments I found out he'd been telling them all that I had a gambling and spending problem and he had been borrowing money from them all saying it was for our bills and debts when it was so he could spoil the other women even more. He'd been given thousands by them all.

I came into some money shortly before we split and he decided that meant he needed to buy some expensive gadgets for himself instead of us using it to clear debts and live more comfortably. That was the snapping point for me and I knew I was already doing it alone and would be better off without him. The truth about the other women didn't fully come out until later but I'd forgiven him for cheating so many times and he'd worn me down with emotional abuse and gaslighting over the years so it took a lot for me to realise what was actually going on.

wenders4 · 27/09/2020 00:13

When I had proof he cheated. There'd been a build up from his drinking, gambling, disappearing all night and turning up so drunk he push me against a wall whilst pregnant, refusing counselling, screaming at me in the car a few days after I'd just had a very difficult labour and given birth. But the day I found the hotel receipt I ended it for good.

Petersmommy · 27/09/2020 00:14

After years of verbal and emotional abuse we were in therapy. The therapist told him it was just unacceptable to call me a $%$# stupid bitch. He replied well if she's going to act like one I'm going to call her one. The counselor very nicely looked at me and said "This is all your going to get from him you have to make a choice". I made one