FOR ALL THOSE WHO ARE DIVORCED/SEPERATED

[RegularNameChanger106]

What was the final nail in the coffin?
What was last thing your ex did to make you finally leave them?

Years of emotional abuse. It was more like a death by a thousand pin pricks. It took me 5 years to leave him but the event that had me really getting my ducks in a row was when he gave me a load of verbal abuse for hiding something of his when the reality was it was buried in a pile of his crap that I refused to touch. I pretty much disengaged from him, after that and concentrated on quietly disentangling myself from his debts while he got weirder and more paranoid. It reached a point where I no longer felt safe and had to get out.

He hasn't changed. He remarried really quickly and picked up where he left off.

Probably when he shagged a junior work colleague more than half his age, gambled away most of our money each month and had the cheek to complain that I never wanted sex 🤔

Wonder why jackass 🙄

Beating me until I had a miscarriage, yep that was the final straw. The other stuff I didn't even see as bad until several years later.

Went for me and two of my children with a knife. They never returned to that house.,I got out and never looked back.

@TheDuchessofMalfy

Eating a yoghurt in slow motion when I needed his help getting the kids to bed.

😂😂😂

Some of these stories are genuinely horrifying. I feel for so many of you, what bloody awful experiences to have had to have gone through with people who are supposed to love you!!

@gingeristhenewblack43

The affair he started whilst I was on mat leave and experiencing severe PND. 7 years ago today I discovered the evidence.

bloody hell hope you’re in a much better place 7 years on x

@claireb7rg good riddance!!!!!!

[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3232759-what-made-you-leave-him]

@Heidi1976

Some of these stories are genuinely horrifying. I feel for so many of you, what bloody awful experiences to have had to have gone through with people who are supposed to love you!!

Exactly what I was thinking.

I admire you all - you've dealt with some serious & disturbing stuff and come out the other side

Going to the pub straight from work and staying all night on our child's birthday who kept asking where Daddy was.

My final straw with my ex was that, during a discussion in the car on the way somewhere, he admitted that he didn't want children.

I had a MC a few years before, and everything was up in the air. I hadn't yet told him I was pregnant when I miscarried (he didn't want children so I was terrified of telling him - I hadn't known for long though), but it made me realise that I DID absolutely want children so I told him and we ended up breaking up because I said I couldn't be with a man who didn't want them.

A few months later he said he'd had time to think and he'd grown up and realised that a family WAS what he wanted etc. He knew I didn't want kids there and then (the first pregnancy was a mistake with my pill - my fault) so he knew he'd have a few years, I'm guessing.

Anyway I told him I was ready to try and he admitted he'd only said he wanted kids because it was what I wanted to hear and he wanted me back.

So there was me, another 4 years of my life wasted when I could have met someone lovely who genuinely wanted to start a family with me.

That was the end. I thought it was quite a cruel thing to lie about, really.

[quote RegularNameChanger106]@claireb7rg good riddance!!!!!![/quote]
Yep definitely! Am now with the most amazing man ever who loves me for me! Just celebrated our 5th anniversary (not married yet)

These are quite inspiring really.

@Justmuddlingalong

I can't even remember tbh. I think that sometimes the straw that breaks the camel's back is irrelevant.

This. The culmination of lots of things, the final straw was minor by comparison, but also quite enough. When you are done, you're done.

We had been struggling in for years. He refused counselling. Refused a cleaner, and refused to do anything that would help make life easier for me bearing in mind our asd son. I was still committed to giving the marriage my all, after years of low level shitty and neglectful behaviour that ground me down. He never actively participated in anything and I did all the running. We went out for my birthday. I cheerily asked him what he might like to do for his 40th.

He snapped at me that he didn't even know what he wanted to do that fucking week. And it was like a switch flipped.

I tried for so long, twisting myself in knots, putting up with death by 1000 cuts over 12 years and I just thought "fuck this. This is not going to be how I die"

And that was that. I was done

Kneeling on the floor 7months pregnant pleading and crying for him to come home to me and a 2 year old. And his reply, 'I love you, but I love her as well'...
I stopped crying, got up, and looked at him and said, Go then

The last straw: him disappearing off again one night.

Background: nearly 6yrs of him hiding the extent of alcoholism from me (and hiding those behind MH problems), along with the lies, disappearing, gaslighting, verbal abuse (and physical abuse once) and destructive behaviour that goes with alcoholism and drug addiction. He’d disappear off to go drink, get high/whatever. Didn’t matter what we’d planned as a family, and whether I was working or not (I was the breadwinner), whether he had to look after the kids.

*i found out at the end about the drug addiction.

Picked me up from hospital following an op to remove cancerous tumour. Abandoned me in a retail park and drove off. Had to get two buses and a taxi to get home.
After 28 years of hell it was like a switch in my head and heart. Any love and respect I had for him instantly vanished.

When despite all my efforts he didn't want to have sex with me, sleep in a bed with me or be affectionate or nice to me. I realised I wanted and deserved more from a relationship. Years later he is still a grumpy and single arse.

The final straw for me was when he said that for 2 years every time he told me he loved me , every time he kissed me or we were intimate he was really just trying to make himself feel something for me.
Then walked out the door

The final straw was when he got up from the couch and said right I'm off to pack. I said pack? For what? His reply : how many times do I have to tell you everything. You don't remember a fucking thing I tell you....

He was going on a two week international trip. Kinda think I would have remembered that one if he had told me.

There was a lot leading up to this, multiple affairs and constant gaslighting like this. It was just the cherry on the cake for me. When he got back from that trip I said I had had enough. He then went on to say he didn't love me anyway. Sigh. I'm a lot happier now.

Last night when after a long on off friendship / relationship 2 years of me talking about my experience of being raped and him saying he was on my side - he said he's never believed me and that I was making it up and everyone knew I was a slag

Tried to strangle me. Ok so thats extreme, but I had suffered years of abuse being too afraid to leave so having the police remove him, took the decision away.

Husband #1 it was when I told him that we really had to sort out our relationship as there was no love, no emotion, no sex, we were just co-existing (not the first time I had tried to have this conversation) and he replied that he was happy, so he didnt see the problem.

And I thought "You really dont, do you? As you long as you are ok, I dont matter and should just shut up and crawl back in my box". He wasnt cruel or abusive, just thoughtless and selfless which in many ways is actually worse than being punched in the face day after day because you are never sure if you are asking too much or being too needy.

Breaking up then is much harder to explain too. He was utterly devastated and said that he never thought I would leave, but accepted that I had tried many times to fix things and he hadnt listened.