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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People round three weeks after c-section?

54 replies

accccc · 26/09/2020 16:38

I'm pregnant with my first child. For medical reasons I am booked in for a c-section in two weeks.

My partner has said for his birthday (in 5 weeks) we could have his family round (assuming covid allows). This would just be his parents and teenager sister. This is partially so they'd all be able to meet the baby.

Am I being unreasonable in saying no? The reasons I want to say no are: -
-They live 4 hours away so they will inevitably move in for 5 days, this will entail them turning it in there house and mandating activities/trips.

I don't know if I will be up to it,
Covid.

However I feel bad, as it is his family and there first grandchild. They are lovely but remarkably overbearing.

OP posts:

SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance · 26/09/2020 16:41

That would be my idea of hell post vaginal birth, never mind after major surgery.

Tigger03 · 26/09/2020 16:42

I thought you were being a tad unreasonable if it was just an afternoon, but overnight guests for 5 days?! Absolutely no way.

Montsti · 26/09/2020 16:44

I’ve had 4 c sections and was fairly well-recovered after about 3 weeks with each, but I definitely would not have wanted anyone staying in the house other than my Mum who would be helping with everything. I was sleep deprived and breastfeeding constantly so I would not have wanted visitors staying over! Visitors coming for an hour or so was fine but no longer!

Good luck with the c section! It’s not so bad 😊

aToadOnTheWhole · 26/09/2020 17:16

Visitors, for a couple of hours, yes.
Guests, for five days, who won't be considerate or respectful, absolutely fucking not.

megletthesecond · 26/09/2020 17:20

Nope.
At that stage your body and MH are better off doing whatever you like in peace and, if possible, in PJ's. And you're the one who matters here .

Littlegoth · 26/09/2020 17:23

I’m almost 3 weeks post c section. I healed really quickly and felt almost normal by 2 weeks later.

However, Baby is more or less nocturnal, we are still establishing breast feeding and I spend 3/4 of my waking hours topless.

No way in hell would I consider guests for longer than a 2 hour max visit.

stairgates · 26/09/2020 17:29

Agree with the others, it will be a nightmare with them living in. Do you have a big house?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/09/2020 17:32

If they’d like to stay in a hotel, yes. In your house, no.

peakotter · 26/09/2020 17:33

Tbh it is quite likely that no-one will be allowed visitors in their house by then. Why not suggest they book a b&b for 2 nights? They can come and go if allowed, but it gives you some peace and you can stay in the bedroom if you want without having to host.

You are totally within your rights to say NO though, you don’t have to compromise.

NeutralJanet · 26/09/2020 17:33

Nope. I'd let them visit but not stay in the house, they can hire an Air B&B if they want to stay for 5 days.

Babyboomtastic · 26/09/2020 17:39

I had guests the same day as returning home from hospital with my first (invited, they didn't just turn up) so I'm very social, and I also found section recovery great. I also hosted a party for about 30 people, that ended up being about 10 hours long, at 2.5 weeks, and that was great.

But I'd still say no to inconsiderate guests for 5 days. Perhaps they can stay nearby, or maybe a much shorter period.

Not particularly because of the section (it was fine long before that) or because having a baby but because life is too short to have inconsiderate guests for more than overnight, especially when balancing it with broken sleep.

FelicityPike · 26/09/2020 17:45

I was all ready to say you were being very unreasonable for the day.....but FIVE DAYS. Why?
Send them links to b&bs/ hotels/ travel lodge etc.
Not a bloody chance!

TurquoiseDress · 26/09/2020 17:49

No no no no is all you need to say

After DC2, we had the in-laws come to stay for 1 whole fucking month, courtesy of DH despite me saying no. He got the hump and said I wasn't being welcoming to his parents.

He really just didn't get it, the reasons why I didn't want visitors to stay in our home so soon after the birth, even if they were close relatives. Quite frankly, all the bickering about it leading up to the birth really took the shine off things (for me anyway).

They had stayed before with no issues, but this was a LONG visit and I was only 1 week post-natal when they arrived.

All I can say is that the fallout from it lasted a very long time, I was just a simmering cauldron of resentment for months later. In fact, it changed my perception of DH, and not in a positive way.

Don't do it!

Babysharksmom · 26/09/2020 17:49

Tell them about the local hotel. Jesus christ they are fucking nutters if they suggested this. Your husband needs to be firm and say no

TurquoiseDress · 26/09/2020 17:52

Just to add, I had a c-section and we live in a 2 bedroom terraced house, luckily I was able to stay in our bedroom, the in-laws slept in the lounge for a month!

squee123 · 26/09/2020 17:56

From a c section perspective I would have been totally fine for visitors, but as a new mum to my first baby trying to sort feeding issues definitely not for more than a couple of hours. Tell them to stay in a hotel and pop round for tea, bearing cake.

Tbh the c section was the easy bit for me. Great recovery and and a very neat scar with no overhang (possibly because in a panic I insisted on being stiched up by the consultant rather than the junior doctor).

TurquoiseDress · 26/09/2020 17:57

Plus, any chat from me relating to B&Bs or cheap hotels or any suggestion that they would not be staying with us, was meant with outrage from DH

Jesus christ, when you've just had a baby the days are long, but the nights are even longer...by 8pm all I wanted to do was lie on the sofa half-naked and dribble at DH, not have to make conversation with the in-laws and try not fall asleep at the dinner table.

TurquoiseDress · 26/09/2020 17:58

Wow this thread is making me feel all stabby!

Sunnydaysstillhere · 26/09/2020 18:01

In the middle of a pandemic surely you just say no?

AcrobaticCardigan · 26/09/2020 18:04

OMG - no way to overnight guests post baby.

JustThinkingAboutThis · 26/09/2020 18:08

I echo all of the advice above.

Shut this down now. Your partner is being completely unrealistic and unfair. He hasn’t thought it through at all and because it is your first baby he has no understanding of what it will be like. Plus recovering from a C section. The last thing you need is a house full of people to deal with.
I could understand it if it was for a couple of hours but 5 days. No, no, no.
Wait until you have physically and emotionally recovered and got used to your baby and then arrange for them to visit. But they shouldn’t be staying for 5 nights. Overnight maybe, but if any longer they should stay in a hotel / Airbnb.

The other thing you need to address with your partner is the fact his family are overbearing. Boundaries need to be put firmly in place. Does he support you with this?

Good luck with the baby, I hope everything goes well.

northstars · 26/09/2020 18:08

Do whatever makes you comfortable OP. I let relatives come and stay when DC was born because they were all very keen, but it was so stressful and I really regret now that I didn’t get to enjoy those early days. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right to you.

Freddiefox · 26/09/2020 18:10

Can you not find a compromise? It’s not unreasonable for him to want to introduce the baby to his family. But 5 days is too much.
Could they not visit at the weekend, and stay in a travel lodge or similar and visit during the day.

He cooks all meals and tidies up, and does all teas.

Suzi888 · 26/09/2020 18:12

I was going to vote YABU until this ‘ 4 hours away so they will inevitably move in for 5 days’. That’s too much... they can visit, but they need to stay in a hotel. Can’t you visit them?

Cheeringmeup · 26/09/2020 18:17

You may recover from your c section faster than you think (I walked my Primary 1 DD to school 4 days after c section with her little brother), but absolutely no way would I have had people to stay with us for at least the first 3 months! A visit is fine, but you need that time to settle into your new routines and find your family rhythm. Hotel locally and a visit for an hour or so is reasonable. Good luck with everything 😊

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