People round three weeks after c-section?

[accccc]

I'm pregnant with my first child. For medical reasons I am booked in for a c-section in two weeks.

My partner has said for his birthday (in 5 weeks) we could have his family round (assuming covid allows). This would just be his parents and teenager sister. This is partially so they'd all be able to meet the baby.

Am I being unreasonable in saying no? The reasons I want to say no are: -
-They live 4 hours away so they will inevitably move in for 5 days, this will entail them turning it in there house and mandating activities/trips.

• I don't know if I will be up to it,
• Covid.

However I feel bad, as it is his family and there first grandchild. They are lovely but remarkably overbearing.

Regardless of how you have your child, having house guests for 5 days when you have a new born for the first time is way too much! You will both be exhausted and sleep deprived, you may be trying to establish breast feeding, you might have the baby blues etc etc.

I had a similar issue with my in-laws and they were told if they wanted to visit they had to stay in a hotel and visits would be for 2 hours at a time. Coincidentally I had a c-section and recovered quite quickly from it, but I was shattered from cluster feeding a nocturnal baby and having house guests would have pushed me over the edge.

You will most likely feel fine in yourself but I would hate having overnight visitors for that length of time with a newborn.

Forget that! I had the mil come to stay ten days after c section and i never forgave myself! The last couple days dp was off meant we were dragged round shopping and while he was in work you couldn't get comfortable with someone else there. Don't do it! I didn't even want my mum for a visit longer than an hour!

God I was 50-50 when I thought it was just for dinner! 3 unhelpful people, 5 days overnight, 3 weeks after a csection with a 3 week old baby. Nope. Could not pay me enough.

6-months post-section here. Knowing what I know now my answer would be HELL NO to them staying with you. Especially if you are trying to get breastfeeding established. If my in-laws had of moved in for 5 days at that point I would have lost my mind.

Your husband is clueless. At 3 weeks you are still in the early stages of recovery from major surgery. If you’re going out here and there on day trips or running after guests you are putting yourself at serious risk of delayed healing and wound infections. Take it from me - I had my baby at the beginning of lockdown and my DH had to go back to work quickly. I wasn’t able to rest properly and had a very long and difficult recovery.

Your in-laws staying somewhere nearby for a short trip - yes.
Your husband being in charge of all the entertaining and clearing up - yes.
Them visiting you at home for an hour or so and then heading off and doing their own thing - yes.
Anything that makes you feel stressed and uncomfortable - no.

I've just had a similar discussion. I said I wasn't ready to have my tits out in front of his dad and with sleep deprivation I wasn't going to be going off to hide in my own house. He decided that was fair enough.

Do you not have to shield post surgery? I had an operation last month (not a caesarean) and was told I had to shield for a minimum of two weeks afterwards as catching covid while my body was recovering from surgery meant a greater risk of complications from both. I'd use this as an excuse to not have them to stay, let them come for a few hours in the day time but tell them they will have to sleep at a hotel/B&B.

To pop over to see baby for an afternoon, have a coffee/cake, Absolutely.

Staying over well that’s a personal thing I had family to stay after all my 3 were born. I like my family and enjoyed them being around.

Maybe they could stay a night or 2 in a near by hotel but come over in the day to see your partner and baby, have lunch etc ?

People naturally want to meet a new baby. Even IF you are tender still they aren’t asking you to pole dance, you will be up to have a hot drink and a chat

Absolutely no to overnight guests at that stage. Not so much because of the section (I've had two) but because of the baby and breastfeeding (if you are).

Not usually one for showing threads to partners, but you might want to in this case. Your DH is being a bit naive at best.

Thanks for the responses - I really believe his mum would do her best to help (but I don't think I would find it to be helpful in reality...)

If we remove Covid (obviously very big factor - which has made this pregnancy feel like a weird secret), I just don't want guests, there is room for them all but not enough they won't hear the baby.

I have suggested they alternatively arrive lunch of my husbands birthday and leave lunch the next day. Limiting it to 24hrs. I know its a big journey for them, but I honestly don't want to think about anything but the baby thats brewing right now.

Why do they feel the need to stay 5 days?! I'd say 2 nights maximum. No trips out except a walk locally. I think it's unreasonable to say no completely but there needs to be some compromise

I had a c section and was up and about in a couple of days and by 3 weeks felt pretty normal and recovered

My DS1 was born at 1am. My outlaws were at the hospital for 9am. They live 4 hours away. They stayed at ours while I was still in hospital (vaginal delivery, so only another night) and were absolutely horrified when I said they had to leave when I came home. Trying to breast feed (a real struggle for me) and massive sanitary pads etc were not things I wanted to share with my father in law... When I had DS2, my parents stopped overnight for 2 nights, looking after DS1, while I was in hospital, and I wanted them to go home as soon as I got out. You need to be on your own with the baby without overnight visitors, especially ones who may stay for days.

@fibeee

I'm sorry you had a tough recovery, but not going out and doing stuff for weeks really isn't the norm from other people i know who've had sections (as well as my two).

I'm not saying people should be running marathons, but many people are pretty much back to normal after a week or two.

I went out and did stuff every day when I got back from hospital, except for when prior came to see us. With or second we were in soft play within about 20 days. No long healing, no infections. Everyone is different of cost, but the service is to listen to your body rather than forcing yourself to rest if you don't feel you need it.

Still no to these visitors though...

Soft play 10 days, not 20. Stupid fat fingers.

Absolutely not. Physically I was fine 3 weeks post both my sections (emergencies both times) but I can't think of anything else worse than hosting people who want looked after with a 3 week old baby.

I'm not saying people should be running marathons, but many people are pretty much back to normal after a week or two

Also this. With dc2 I was pushing the pram on the 3 mile preschool run by the end of week 2.

@Babyboomtastic I agree I am hoping for a quick recovery - however I have for my entire life had allergic reactions/infections that most wouldn't - while otherwise being fit and healthy!

I also think - three weeks from birth is fine, assuming quick hospital exit and I don't know if that will be the situation until it happens for me or the baby.

I Know selfish but I'm really nervous, and feel like I need the time to be.

If it’s an afternoon visit, they help out (and ideally bring all the food) and do not expect to play pass the baby (I’m relaxed about things generally but god only knows what the Covid situation will be by then) then you should be fine- like many others I was absolutely fine by then, genuinely felt back to normal. But absolutely no overnight stays or unscheduled extensions etc, and you get to go to bed with or without baby at any point.

Honestly OP, I think you need to tell you DH that you will be all consumed with your new baby and he must do what he thinks best but he must understand that you will be doing nothing at all towards it. All you will be doing is looking after your baby and yourself. He will need to think about and organise the whole thing. Please don't be superwoman or it may continue to be an expectation.

Couple of hours visit...YABU
Overnight or more...YANBU!!!

That would be a firm no from me.

MIL did move in for the whole of lockdown as I had given birth days before...but we have a large house and she was very helpful so I was glad!

@accccc

Fingers crossed for a good recovery. It can be a very pleasant way to meet your baby :-)

As I've said upthread, I got on and did stuff v quickly, I helped cook a BBQ for friends on day 5 for example, but I still think your partner's idea is nuts and unfair on you.

Take some time to be, as a family of 3 and invite people as and when you feel you want to.

Who will actually do all the cleaning, cooking, running around? Your husband?

I was back to normal really quickly post Cs. Never took painkillers, doing a school run on day 4.

Would I do this? NO. Nocturnal baby, breastfeeding etc. The Cs is an irrelevance really.

My grandma is 4hrs away and I leave here at 7am to visit, have a long lunch, a walk, early dinner and drive home at 7pm.

One night if necessary.

I did this in reverse after DS1, I had a traumatic post delivery and was dependent on high dose iron to let me function. I stayed there for most of December being spoilt rotten. TH came over every weekend and once work closed for Christmas he stayed . If they're really prepared to do the housework, cook the meals and change dirty nappies I'd say being them on, but if it's the other way around they shouldn't stay, unless you DH is prepared to do all the crap that goes with it.

I had a c section and whilst my body recovered fairly quickly, my mental health wasn't great. Suffered with baby blues and overbearing in laws made it much worse. And they only visited every other day