Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

@BuggeredItUpAgain

I chose not to privately educate my children despite being able to afford to. My GP left me money to spend on dc’s education but the local schools are ok and the nearest independent is 45 minutes away. It seems wrong to just keep the money so I donate the cost of the independent school to the state school my dc’s attend. It’s actually been a huge help for the school and it’s really lovely to see the money actually go towards something tangible that lots of kids can benefit from.

Wow, what an amazing thing to do..very selfless of you

No.
I can afford it but don't.
The primary school they went to was average/good. I was happy with it, it was a short walk and the children liked it. It was good it be part of the village community.
They now go to really excellent secondary schools, some of the very best in the country. In terms of exam results, the state schools my children go to do better in the league tables then the, also very good, private schools locally.

I do wonder if my principles would hold if the alternative to private for them had been a terrible state school for secondary.

Yes and we did for secondary. My two criteria for choosing a school for them were: does it suit the way they learn and is it a kind and happy school? I honestly didn't care whether the school was state or private, as long as it felt right.

My own experience of state secondary and DC's experience of state primary were not happy or impressive. Loved their private secondary. It couldn't have been nicer or happier.

Absolutely, categorically not.

A local school that's good and you can walk to is worth so so much. Local friends, a sense of community and local roots and no car journeys are all so valuable - if they want to take part in sport or drama or you have parents eve or they're poorly you could drive there and back a few times in one day! My older dc now get a bit of practice at independent travel and get themselves to and from school in a safe and close to home way. They will be able to cycle or get a bus for secondary. I'd hate for them to be tied to a car journey for their entire school life.

I don't get the argument about doing sport and other activities at school either - it means they're not mixing with other sets of people. Mine all do a variety of extra curricular clubs and sports and have social groups from each - so much better than just school. And while it's not cheap, it's at a fraction of the price of independent education.

My DC are all fairly bright and love learning - state education has been everything they and we need it to be and they get a good sense of what it's like for those who find it harder and how those needs should be respected and accommodated too. Closeting dc from the 'others' may help them in the short term but it can negatively impact later in life.

My parents scrimped and saved for private school fees (schools that mnetters have whole threads on getting into) and my data set of siblings shows no great return on that money in happiness and life fulfillment terms (definitely gets you good grades though).

My 7yo started in prep turned out to be crap then went to another prep which again just wasn't for him and he's now in a state school locally and he's never been happier! All that money saved will be on extra curricular and possible tuition IF he wants to go for grammar entry for secondary. 5 mins walk sounds like a dream to me as I was leaving at 745am daily to drop one to the prep and one at another local nursery (as they didn't have a nursery there) and if you factor in the traffic it might take longer than 20 mins (as my experience told me)! It all makes a difference leaving later, more facilities in the state but this is all my area. Hope whatever you choose they will be happy and you! X

@sst1234

Yes, simply for the fact that their education wouldn’t be disrupted by dysfunctional children whose parents don’t care. The teacher don’t spend their time managing behaviours and actually get to teach.

I sent all three of my children through Private Faith School even though I was working in a state school. It cost almost 30% of my annual income, but I think it was totally worth it. They developed lasting friendships, the teachers were excellent and accomodated ADHD. There were extracurricular activities free -- dance, karate, band, drama, etc. My oldest now has my granddaughter in a private school and she feels it is totally worth it.

I chose not to privately educate my children despite being able to afford to. My GP left me money to spend on dc’s education but the local schools are ok and the nearest independent is 45 minutes away. It seems wrong to just keep the money so I donate the cost of the independent school to the state school my dc’s attend. It’s actually been a huge help for the school and it’s really lovely to see the money actually go towards something tangible that lots of kids can benefit from.

I agree, very admirable. But, I do have a issue with this as well. State schools that depend on financial contributions from the parents (and they all do) just widens the gap between schools in rich and poor areas. I had a Scandinavian friend who said their schools never have any kind of fundraising, they're all just funded properly in the first place.

No definitely not.
It's not the done thing where we are and if i am honest the few people I know who went to private schools are all quite entitled and don't have a Higher between them.

With regard to state v private in terms of results. This year the state school my children go to send 16 kids to Oxbridge (this is typical) the local private sent none.
I realise this is unusual though and most state schools aren't as good.

No because I don’t believe in that system. However I would move to catchment of a state school I preferred which I’m aware is selective and therefore kind of hypocritical of me! Do what feels right for you and your kids.

Not all private schools are ponies and skiing. DS's isn't. We chose it as it's really not like that at all compared to the other local ones.

Our kids do state primary and private secondary. They and I have friends we've made through their primary school and it's a good school so they aren't behind.

Probably but it wouldn't be the type of private school most people think of (there are lots of posh ones near me) I think I'd send her to a Montessori school and theres no state ones so it's private of homeschool.

BuggeredItUpAgain that's lovely!

Yes.

If money was no object I would look at both state and public schools and if the latter was better suited to my child, that's where they'd go.

My ex husband used to work in the public sector and the first school he was at was incredible. We'd have loved our DD to go there and would have got a substantial discount, but it was just a little too far out for day school, and we felt she was a little too young to board.

Before I had kids I would have said absolutely not but now I have (pre-school) kids I would if I could afford it. My school was rough and although I turned out fine the thought of sending my little ones somewhere like that terrifies me.

In many cases private is a lot cheaper than “excellent state”....
Mine go to private school as we can’t afford the house prices next to decent state schools.
Also, uniform etc isn’t necessarily more expensive than state, and trips are usually included in the fees. Compare carefully, you might come to some surprising insights (some state schools use uniform and trips to keep lower earning parents out, £80 blazers and £60 summer dresses work well for that around ours, especially if combined with constant request for money and time donations)

I can't afford to, but no I wouldn't.

I want my children growing up with a mix of children from different backgrounds. Not just those who can afford private school.

Never. They are against my values.
I also think the state system makes children more socially aware and better rounded and resilient citizens.
Private schooling economically and socially filters the people they mix with. I think this is a disservice to all children and society as a whole.

^BuggeredItUpAgain

I chose not to privately educate my children despite being able to afford to. My GP left me money to spend on dc’s education but the local schools are ok and the nearest independent is 45 minutes away. It seems wrong to just keep the money so I donate the cost of the independent school to the state school my dc’s attend. It’s actually been a huge help for the school and it’s really lovely to see the money actually go towards something tangible that lots of kids can benefit from.^

The world needs more of this.

Probably not. Only because the local catholic schools are exceptional and most of ds's friends are from extremely privileged families.

We could afford to but haven't.

-we want our DC to mix and to be able converse with a range of people from all walks of life. We've friends from private and public backgrounds who really struggle with this
-we think private schooling is a driver or inequality, and want our kids's successes to be entirely their own, and not because we've given them a huge leg-up

All this said, if the only available state school was a total shitshow, I think we would consider it (my DP is a state school teached and would probably be more resistant than me): there's a balance between 'kids should succeed on their own merits' and parents making them suffer for their principles.

some state schools use uniform and trips to keep lower earning parents out, £80 blazers and £60 summer dresses work well for that around ours, especially if combined with constant request for money and time donations

Yes, it's a question of simple geography as well. I live in a part of the country which has a grammar system, which is less of an issue. But in the city I grew up in, the two state schools that were head and shoulders above the others not just in terms of results but also resources etc. were located firmly in the posh areas. They were off-limits to anyone not from a privileged background.

Massively depends on the private school. Some are the last place you’ll get a progressive, liberal education (which is the kind I would consider) and some provide shockingly little pastoral support and aren’t actually any better than state schools results wise. In Somerset there are a few you could be thinking of and IMO none of them would be worth it (obv you could be thinking of a different one to the ones I know about). I don’t see the point in private prep schools tbh - spend the money on trips, activities and books instead.

I’d send him to the state primary if it’s small and the class sizes are small and then private for secondary. That’s what we’ll be doing. We live in a tiny village of 400 people, the primary school has about 100 pupils in the whole school and is rated good by Ofsted. My friend’s children went there and she said it’s such a lovely, close knit school and the teachers are lovely. So IMO there’s no need to go private as it’s pretty much the same amount of pupils as the private! Will 100% be sending private for secondary though and putting the money we’d be spending for primary away now to prepare for that.

My kids have done private and then state school for financial reasons. I can honestly say my kids apart from one have done amazing at state schools. One is at university, one in year 11, one in year 9. My 18 year old son didn't cope with either private or state for senior school.

I might make a different decision if I lived in south west England but living in south west London where I’d need to find £50k after tax per year to send two kids to private school I’ve chosen state. I love being part of the community and supplement with a tutor and extra curricular activities. The sheer amount of cash is obscene and my children would inevitably end up hanging out with kids with parents who have helicopters. I went private myself and things have changed immeasurably for the worse in the private sector.