To make DD pay half for lost uniform?

[TLIMSISNW]

DD1 has just started year 7.

She’s lost her school jumper which is £20. It’s her birthday next week and she will be getting birthday money. I’m debating making her pay £10 towards a new jumper or whether we should cough up and just buy a new one.

I don’t want to be mean but also I do t want her to think that she can be careless with her stuff and we will just keep replacing it. Or perhaps we could but this one but if she loses another one then she will have to pay or contribute then.

I’m sure this is quite a common issue so WWYD/what have you done if this has happened with your DC?

I make it clear to all of mine that if they lose bits of their uniform they will have to contribute to replacing the items. Starting in Year 7.

Year 7 IS old enough to take responsibility for their belongings. And it's particularly easy right now, as there isn't any changing in schools, they go in in PE kit on PE days.

Seen the update, all good.

I’ve done this before, making a huge song and dance about a very nice “lost” article that DC was sad to lose.

DC had been sent to another classroom in a part of the school they’d never been before. A few months later they were in the same classroom and it was found on a hook outside.

I was so ashamed of myself for using it as a stick to beat DC with (“This is why we can’t have nice things! etc”) .
Anybody can mislay stuff, especially in a stressful new school environment. It could even have been stolen. Cut her some slack and see if it turns up.

Two trips by DD (leave a few days between) to the lost property office and then a replacement jumper with highly visible name tapes is what I’d do, with a quiet reminder that jumpers are supposed to last all year.

@SuitedandBooted

Too harsh - she has only just started, and has a lot to deal with at a new school. I would get tough if she is constantly losing stuff and expecting you to replace it, but not in the first month back!

Also somebody may have just nicked it. DD "lost" a new coat, swimsuit and 2 fleeces during her first term. They were removed from her peg, sports bag and locker, - so not "lost" by her, - stolen by nasty little shits.

Has she checked lost property - did you label it properly?

I always label stuff twice, once in a slightly more hidden place...

No, I think it's a cruel punishment.

My thoughts on this is, that you explain to her how expensive the uniform is and that you will pay for it this time but she will be responsible for making sure it doesnt happen in future.

I think it would cloud her birthday if you took it from her birthday money, times are dark enough at the moment and her birthday needs to be a happy occassion.

Mine lost several jumpers. They were all named. One was him being careless and was found at the end of year 7 under a bush...one, he claimed, was taken while he was in class. He had a fair idea who took it. It was 'found' at the end of year 9 (so three yesrs wear) with the name tag ripped out. Clearly had been nicked. I think that also happened to another one. I took to defacing all uniform so scribbling on the yellow edging so it wouldn't get pinched. Uniform is expensive so there will be some kids who won't have a jumper and will have been told to 'find' something by their parents.

YABU. She’s only just started Y7. If it was Y10 and the 5th cardigan then you’d have a point.
I’m 55 and lost my cardigan at Gatwick airport last September.

Was is labelled with her name?

It’s interesting, working in a school, what you see left in a classroom.
I’m in primary but even there, it is the same children who always leave their things lying around. We have Year 1s who, most of the time, remember to put their things on a leg, or in their drawer. When you find their things left somewhere you assume it’s an accident because it doesn’t happen often.
And then we have Year 6’s who will take their jumper off and leave it in the playground after break, so that someone has to run after them with it.
You look around the playground, see a jumper, work out which class has just gone in and nine times out of ten you can say to yourself “That will be Fred’s jumper”, check the name, and be right.
Even in my class of Year 1 and 2s, there are three children who routinely leave their stuff lying around. An item found abandoned somewhere is almost always something belonging to one of them. The others manage to do a reasonable job in keeping track of their stuff, despite the fact they are only five and six years old.

So I would always say that a ‘punishment’ depends entirely on what sort of child you are dealing with. A child who loses something as a one-off, fair enough, accidents happen. A child who repeatedly loses things, a much more zero tolerance approach.

We did this after a few lost items. Not straight away.

She lost a lot less after that.

Oh and no newspapers, I do not give you permission to use this story.

They don’t need your permission; you’ve posted on a public forum.

My DD lost an Adidas windbreaker type jacket in the first weeks of year 7. I didn't replace it I just purchased a winter coat for her. This year I bought another light jacket for her and on Thursday she left it in class. She realised what trouble she'd be in if she came back without it, and ran all the way back to school for it. Lesson learnt...hopefully.

I do make my children contribute to the cost of replacing lost items, and I have found it really works in making sure they don't lose stuff! However, year 7 is a tough year so I would probably let this one go and buy a replacement, with a warning to contribute next time. I know you said you are going to do this. I would probably ask her to revisit lost property a few times though as it might turn up, and put some more effort into finding it. That alone is a punishment!

It’s cruel and weird.

Cruel and weird to learn that if you lose things it costs money to replace them? Ok then.

I know you've already decided what to do but I'll share DD1's lost jumper tale...

Y9, evening event which wasn't at school but required them in uniform. DD1 and friends walked back to the home of one friend with their parent. DD1 took jumper off and tied it round her waist. It fell off. Parent suggested she put it in her bag. She tied it around her waist again. When they got back to friend's house, jumper wasn't there. They retraced steps to look for it but it was now dark and they didn't find it. It was clearly labelled with her name and form plus she'd been told in Y7 that if she lost clothing because she was being careless, she'd have to buy a replacement.

She looked in lost property a few times, I posted on local Facebook groups but it didn't reappear. None available secondhand so eventually she took herself off to the uniform shop and bought herself a new one.

I'd have never linked it to her birthday/Christmas but stand by the decision that she needed to fund a replacement. She had other school jumpers/layers she could have worn so it was entirely her choice to buy a new one. She's in Y11 now and puts her jumper in her bag if she takes it off!

@babybythesea

It’s interesting, working in a school, what you see left in a classroom. I’m in primary but even there, it is the same children who always leave their things lying around. We have Year 1s who, most of the time, remember to put their things on a leg, or in their drawer. When you find their things left somewhere you assume it’s an accident because it doesn’t happen often. And then we have Year 6’s who will take their jumper off and leave it in the playground after break, so that someone has to run after them with it. You look around the playground, see a jumper, work out which class has just gone in and nine times out of ten you can say to yourself “That will be Fred’s jumper”, check the name, and be right. Even in my class of Year 1 and 2s, there are three children who routinely leave their stuff lying around. An item found abandoned somewhere is almost always something belonging to one of them. The others manage to do a reasonable job in keeping track of their stuff, despite the fact they are only five and six years old.

So I would always say that a ‘punishment’ depends entirely on what sort of child you are dealing with. A child who loses something as a one-off, fair enough, accidents happen. A child who repeatedly loses things, a much more zero tolerance approach.

Totally agree. I'm in Year 1/2 and I already know which 4 children tend to leave their cardigans/jackets all over she school. Daily. And then whine that someone took it, when I know full well they've dumped it somewhere and expect someone else to sort it out.

The funny part to me, so do their parents. Nope. I've already told all of the parents of these children who have moaned about their children's lost jumpers to me at drop off/pick ups asking me to find them. I've made it clear that I won't be searching the school for their children's items, as they have designated coat hooks, drawers, and a chair where they can be left. If they dump them elsewhere, they'll have to hope they turn up. I'm not keeping track of 30 kids' clothing items.

Quite harsh, we made them pay on their 3rd lost of the same item. Eg water bottles, the 3rd one lost in 4 months DS year 8 paid for the replacement. Only now going into 6th form have I bought him a new one! It worked he had it for 4 more years without losing it.

@MeredithGreysScalpel

For a first offence, overly harsh. If she’s a repeat offender, then yes I would.

I agree with this. I’m a great believer in consequences- it’s a buzzword in our house - so I would expect a payment if it happened again.

@babybythesea

It’s interesting, working in a school, what you see left in a classroom. I’m in primary but even there, it is the same children who always leave their things lying around. We have Year 1s who, most of the time, remember to put their things on a leg, or in their drawer. When you find their things left somewhere you assume it’s an accident because it doesn’t happen often. And then we have Year 6’s who will take their jumper off and leave it in the playground after break, so that someone has to run after them with it. You look around the playground, see a jumper, work out which class has just gone in and nine times out of ten you can say to yourself “That will be Fred’s jumper”, check the name, and be right. Even in my class of Year 1 and 2s, there are three children who routinely leave their stuff lying around. An item found abandoned somewhere is almost always something belonging to one of them. The others manage to do a reasonable job in keeping track of their stuff, despite the fact they are only five and six years old.

So I would always say that a ‘punishment’ depends entirely on what sort of child you are dealing with. A child who loses something as a one-off, fair enough, accidents happen. A child who repeatedly loses things, a much more zero tolerance approach.

Ha! I went on loads of school trips as a parent helper.

After a presentation in a museum, teacher stepped up and reminded all the kids to stand up, applaud for the presentation, then get their stuff and line up at the exit. I noticed one child getting up, grabbing his bag and trotting off to join his mates by the door. He completely failed to pick up the jumper he'd taken off for the presentation and dumped under his chair.

I grabbed it and went after them - checking that nobody else had forgotten anything, by some miracle they hadn't that time - and passed the jumper to the teacher, as the kids were streaming away chattering loudly. She took it with "Let me guess. This is George's?" and it was. George clearly had form for losing stuff... this was Year 4 too!

@Bookmum08 Does she actually need a jumper? My daughter wore her primary school one approximately 2 times during the 6 years. I didn't bother with the secondary one. Schools usually aren't cold. If they have to wear a (stupid) blazer too then she really doesn't need one. It's just another thing for her to have to lug around. Save your money. Schools will be a bit colder this year, seeing as they have to have lots of windows open as an anti-covid measure, so I'm guessing jumpers will be sensible to have?

I don’t think it is cruel or weird, what’s weird is to not teach your DC the value of things and not to be nonchalant and throwaway in your attitude to them, that said first time offence no but tell her the next time that’s what is going to happen and make her check lost property too. A friend of mines son lost numerous jackets so she made him pay for a new coat, and for her parking at the shops and for her lunch whilst she was there 😁