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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD pay half for lost uniform?

121 replies

TLIMSISNW · 26/09/2020 09:44

DD1 has just started year 7.

She’s lost her school jumper which is £20. It’s her birthday next week and she will be getting birthday money. I’m debating making her pay £10 towards a new jumper or whether we should cough up and just buy a new one.

I don’t want to be mean but also I do t want her to think that she can be careless with her stuff and we will just keep replacing it. Or perhaps we could but this one but if she loses another one then she will have to pay or contribute then.

I’m sure this is quite a common issue so WWYD/what have you done if this has happened with your DC?

OP posts:
WhatifIfeellikeacat · 26/09/2020 11:32

Is it possible to ask parents via a group email or WhatsApp/Facebook group?
You can also email her tutor and maybe she/he could help by sending a message to parents, asking children to check uniform at home (children will of course forget about it).

timeforanew · 26/09/2020 11:37

I would make her pay half. Also, make her responsible for sewing in name labels etc!

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree · 26/09/2020 11:44

If she's done everything she can to find it then I would replace it this time. If she's not bothered about finding it and hasn't tried to then I would make her pay half towards a new one.

RosaBaby2 · 26/09/2020 11:44

I think you should let it go this time. However I have a year 8 boy and the first day he lost his full PE kit, about £150 worth, trainers, football boots etc luckily he found it a few days later but I would have absolutely asked him to pay for it as he is so careless with losing his things. I doubt he would have been so bothered about finding it if I would have just bought him a new one!
He has lost many ties and he will buy his own replacements.

IsoBordem · 26/09/2020 11:46

My mum made me pay the full cost of a lost jumper in year 7 (about $60). It took a while to earn it and I never lost an item again! I think it helped me to learn the value of money and to take better care of my possessions.

couchparsnip · 26/09/2020 11:49

If it has her name in and it's not in lost property it will probably turn up , Someone probably took it accidentally and once it goes through the wash they'll hopefully notice it's not theirs.

jessstan2 · 26/09/2020 11:50

No, it is much too harsh for such a young child to pay to replace lost things. Most children lose stuff at school, sometimes it turns up, sometimes not.

Obviously you have to impress upon her the need to be more careful but parents are responsible for school uniform, not the kids.

DaphneFanshaw · 26/09/2020 11:51

I am glad you’ve decided not to make her pay for a replacement.
I used to be a TA and quite often jumpers get scooped up by a rushing student and put in a different bag and only get discovered a few weeks later.
It’s not always the fault of the child who has lost their clothing.
I know how frustrating it is as we have lost multiple jumpers, t shirts and even shoes over the years.

user1471538283 · 26/09/2020 11:53

I wouldn't. Going to high school is so hard anyway. My DS and his friends regularly had each others clothes. My DS even lost one of his shoes. Just one. And he didn't notice until the next day. I lost a coat about that age and it turned out that another girl had it because they were the same. The jumper will be there somewhere. In fact my DS is an adult and still has one of his friends t shirts. Most of them have each others socks

Potterpotterpotter · 26/09/2020 12:04

Steady on hitler mum. It was an accident... talk about harsh.

Frappuccinofan · 26/09/2020 12:06

I think you have to take into account that her previous academic year was disrupted too, so she’s still getting back into the swing of full time education - she has to re-learn (to a certain extent) keeping an eye out for her jumper at all times as she hasn’t had the standard progress from year 6 to year 7 with just summer holidays in between

jessstan2 · 26/09/2020 12:17

PS: Just to add, I do understand your frustration. I had a child who was forever losing things.

MintyMabel · 26/09/2020 12:34

DD is bought two school cardigans at the beginning of the year. If she loses them she pays for replacements herself. She is now way more careful about leaving them lying about.

MintyMabel · 26/09/2020 12:36

I used to be a TA and quite often jumpers get scooped up by a rushing student

We’ve found that it is far more likely that her TA scoops up the wrong stuff and leaves things behind way more than DD does.

LadyLoungeALot · 26/09/2020 12:37

I'm an adult and I sometimes lose things, it happens. And once, when I was in year 9, someone stole my school uniform from the PE changing rooms. My dad went mad AT ME, even though it was in no way my fault.

I would not make her pay out of her birthday money.

If she isn't normally careless, I would leave it.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 26/09/2020 12:40

Glad you are listening to the advice on here.
Dd lost her new school shoes on the second day in year 9. Well technically they were stolen, but still I never made her pay for more. She had to come home in her PE trainers as they were taken from the changing rooms. We've lost a tie, PE pants, and a few other bits. If she was being careless I'd make her pay half too, but she's not. So we just get more. We make sure to put the super sticky name labels in everything so those parents washing my kids stuff should feel guilty I hope but don't seem to return anything.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 26/09/2020 12:46

I am always fascinated by adults who think it is OK to "punish" children for a mistake. Adults make mistakes too and do not have someone breathing down their necks waiting to teach them a lesson for simply being human.

There’s a mistake and there’s carelessness though. I wouldn’t punish for a mistake but I would for repeated instances of carelessness which is what I would consider losing something to be. Not as a one off though and especially not at the start of Yr7.

Things do get stolen from lost property though, and presumably either relabelled (if it’s a generic item like a school jumper) or kept for home use if it’s something personal like a coat. When I worked at my previous school I left a lovely scarf in a classroom by accident (Which i then had to pay to replace Wink) and never saw it again. It was definitely left in the school building so I assume someone pinched it from lost property.

BleepingSausages · 26/09/2020 12:46

I’d replace with a generic one from a supermarket, much cheaper

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 26/09/2020 12:48

My two (14 and 16) have been told since year 8 that we will fund the first replacement for a mislaid item (one loss is accidental), but then they will be contributing, e.g. by having allowance docked (two or more losses is carelessness/thoughtlessness)

bookmum08 · 26/09/2020 12:54

Does she actually need a jumper? My daughter wore her primary school one approximately 2 times during the 6 years. I didn't bother with the secondary one. Schools usually aren't cold. If they have to wear a (stupid) blazer too then she really doesn't need one. It's just another thing for her to have to lug around. Save your money.

Rocinante39 · 26/09/2020 12:56

@VickySunshine

Gosh, you sound just like my mother. Kids lose or put holes in just about anything and I must have replaced a shed load of jumpers, blouses and gym skirts. Shout and wave a shitty stick if it makes you feel better but in my experience ( and I had three ) you can threaten them with Siberian Salt Mines and it makes no difference. They're just kids, it's like hoiking their skirts up or demanding a belly-button piercing for Xmas , it's an unconscious act of upsetting the ordered logic of the world that comes with puberty. My mother used the back of her hand, I prefered and irritated glare and a cuddle. I loved them too much to bother over a school jumper. That's why I had them.
I think this is a wonderful approach.
Coffeeandaride · 26/09/2020 12:58

I think you are right to pay for it this first time (especially as yr 7) but consequences if happens again.

ShinyGreenElephant · 26/09/2020 12:58

Agree with pps, very harsh for a first offence unless she was very 'so about it and didn't seem to care. I would tell her to be more careful and if it happens again without a very good reason she will have to pay towards a replacement. And I'm big on consequences that fit the mistake, I dont think its fair on kids to solve every single problem for them so they become helpless, but shes only 11 and just started a new school at a bloody stressful time - give her a break!

Rosebel · 26/09/2020 13:06

I'd just pay for it myself. Luckily my children are quite careful. Eldest is in Y10 and has only lost one jumper. Middle one is in Y8 and hasn't lost anything yet.
You know her best. Is she usually careless? If so I'd buy her one more and say after that she has to pay half.

Lsquiggles · 26/09/2020 13:07

I'd say if she loses anything else then she should pay half, it's harsh for a first offence, especially using her birthday money! Shock