Women will always have more housework

LouiseTrees · 26/09/2020 00:00

My husband by far does more housework than me. I’m in the UK. I think it is conditioned in to us that the woman does it though, we just buck the trend.

Candyfloss99 · 26/09/2020 00:01

You are choosing to do all that though. My husband does way more housework than me thank goodness.

Totickleamockingbird · 26/09/2020 00:03

No they won’t. This will change too just like a lot has changed so far. We just need to keep going and not give up trying to bring this change.

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2020 00:04

I think as long as you keep believing "Women will always have more housework", it'll stop you having to examine exactly why you put up with your personal situation.

All household chores are pretty much 50/50 here, although we both play to our strengths.

Toothsil · 26/09/2020 00:11

I also get up first for the morning routine on week days, get everyone else up, do the breakfasts etc, laundry and the school run 2 days a week and DH does the school run the other 3 as he works from home 3 days. I am a SAHM so I do the bulk of the housework but DH cooks at the weekend and has always done his share with DD. When she was a baby we used to do night about for getting up with her the we switched it to I did Sunday to Thursday and he did Friday, Saturday and half his holidays.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 26/09/2020 00:13

My DH does far more housework than me and he is the main earner. Mainly because he is very tidy and I am a foul filth pig.

Wearywithteens · 26/09/2020 00:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

seayork2020 · 26/09/2020 00:23

If woman want to use the excuse 'woman do it all' so do it all then they only have themselves to blame, my husband probably does more physical housework and cooks way more than I do, I do more life organising. He also does an annual clear out, odd job thing as he gets more time off than me.

We work out what we do amongst ourselves

1Morewineplease · 26/09/2020 00:33

Why do you think that?
Your partner could do much of what you've said that you do.
Have you chosen to stay at home? Have you chosen to work part time?
If you haven't then your partner can do 50% of this work.

hoping4onlychild · 26/09/2020 00:37

my DH earns twice of what i do and he does the cooking and a lot of housework.

He is from a family with a lot of strong women though. From what I have observed, it has a lot to do with his relationship with his mum/sister. My DH had 3 sisters and was conditioned to put in more than his fair share. If a man is from a more traditional family, I wouldn't expect him to change.

Meanwhile, I am from a country where maids are very commonplace. So most kids never did any housework as it was expected that we would hire maids when we were adults given that almost all average earners could afford it. I learned to do housework at 19 when i came to london. DH taught me how to cook. I remember in my first year of university, there was this british guy in the laundry room calling up his mum in a panic because he had no idea how to turn on the washing machine! So he wasn't that different from me. And if you are married to such a guy, unless he has the willpower to change, he wouldn't really help out.

Mafsaaddict · 26/09/2020 00:39

It’s shameful how much more my partner does than me and he works much much more than me as well.

My mum and dad were the complete opposite. My dad has never used the washing machine, never planned and cooked a meal etc. I fully believe my mum allowed that to happen. I’m the other extreme!

bethany39 · 26/09/2020 00:52

@Almondmilk

No matter what. I live in one of the most equalitarian country and I still drop and pick my kid from school, always get up first for breakfast and morning routine, cook, clean, tidy, do laundries. Sometimes he does help, sometimes.

Why on earth does your husband think it's ok to "help, sometimes" rather than contributing a fair amount to your household?

Couchbettato · 26/09/2020 01:04

I think my husband and I do an equal share of housework, and an equal share of avoiding housework.

Neither of us complains that the other doesn't do it, or that we've done X Y and Z so they should too.

OP I think you're generalising based on your own situation. You need to find you a man who is respectful and contributes.

corythatwas · 26/09/2020 01:05

I live in one of the most equalitarian country and I still drop and pick my kid from school, always get up first for breakfast and morning routine, cook, clean, tidy, do laundries. Sometimes he does help, sometimes.

I otoh live in the UK, which is far from being the most egalitarian country in the world, but I still think your husband sounds like a lazy slob.

This was not the way my dh behaved, nor my father, nor my father-in-law. Nor do any of my 3 brothers, or my brother-in-law.

Your husband has no one to blame: he chooses to be lazy.

Killpopp · 26/09/2020 08:40

My husband does most of the housework because he actually has standards. I do not.

Camomila · 26/09/2020 08:43

*I think as long as you keep believing "Women will always have more housework", it'll stop you having to examine exactly why you put up with your personal situation.

All household chores are pretty much 50/50 here, although we both play to our strengths.*

Exactly that.

Though DH and I have periods when one does more than the other to help each other out - eg, if someone has flu or a particularily busy couple of weeks of work.

geekone · 26/09/2020 08:45

@Mistlewoeandwhine

My DH does far more housework than me and he is the main earner. Mainly because he is very tidy and I am a foul filth pig.

👆🏻Snap @Mistlewoeandwhine

NailsNeedDoing · 26/09/2020 08:53

A statement like that is no different to saying ‘men will always do more to provide financially for their families than women’.

It doesn’t work, there are too many exceptions to both ‘rules’.

When it comes to housework, I think the one that does the most will always be the one with the highest standards whether male or female, and rightly so.

Angelina82 · 26/09/2020 09:00

Of course we will be never be truly equal if women like you keep martyring yourselves. Stop doing it all, and force your DH to do his fair share for goodness sake.

MiniTheMinx · 26/09/2020 09:09

My ex used to do lots of housework and childcare. I remember once looking in the window. I was outside dripping wet with rain felting the shed roof. He was inside in the warm listening to radio 4 doing the ironing. In that moment I went right off him. .

TH22 · 26/09/2020 09:14

@LouiseTrees

My husband by far does more housework than me. I’m in the UK. I think it is conditioned in to us that the woman does it though, we just buck the trend.

Likewise! My husband is far more domesticated than I am!

MiniTheMinx · 26/09/2020 09:16

What is it about housework that makes people feel unequal? I think its because we are socially conditioned to think any unpaid labour is of little social or societal value. We then go on by this same logic to say that if unpaid work has traditionally been women's work, that even where those tasks are paid that those roles have little social or societal value. So caring and domestic, social, emotional and affective labour (even labour that is almost entirely about affective, emotional, and communicative labour) should be poorly renumerated. There lies the issue.

Sh05 · 26/09/2020 09:18

I think it entirely depends on the kind of man you are with and how he was brought up.
In my house, I agree that the housework falls mainly on me but when I look at my brother who is the same age as my DH, in his house it's completely different.
He is up first with the children, he sets them up with breakfast whislt he gets ready for work. He drops them off to school on his way then leaves work early ( only cos he can) to bring them home at 3. From very early on he did the night wake ups and so on.
The difference I feel is my dad was similar, very busy in and out of the house whereas my fil is the complete opposite. Everything fell on my mils shoulders.
I think we wives of those kind of men do have to work harder to break their norm to create a new normal.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 26/09/2020 09:21

I do slightly less than half pick up / drop offs, my husband gets up every day with the kids as he is a morning person and I'm not, we share bedtimes, we share life admin (he does things like bills, mortgage etc and I do kids appointments and insurance), we both do as little housework as we can get away with but when it needs to be done we spend similar hours. He has more hobby time than me which I think is fair enough as he has more time looking after the kids in the morning. So I'd say it's pretty equal

updownroundandround · 26/09/2020 09:24

If you're willing to put up with it, more fool you !

It's because people like you say ''women will always have more housework.....'' Shite, just utter drivel !

You will always have more housework, because you're the partner who let's her H off with doing his fair share.