AIBU to have wedding disappointment?

[Thestruggleisreal8]

AIBU to be disappointed?

My fiancé and I were supposed to get married a week before the lockdown happened and so all our plans had to be put on the back burner (we had paid in full so either have to lose that money or have some sort of celebration when it’s safe to do so). In the meantime, I’ve fallen pregnant so we were reluctant to postpone all wedding plans until 2021 (or later) as we’d like to be officially married before the baby arrives in December. So, we are getting married at our local Town Hall tomorrow and no celebration at all afterwards due to local lockdown restrictions. We’re only able to have both of our parents there too which we’re sad about as we’re both really close to our siblings and grandparents etc but it was the price we were willing to pay to be able to go through with it all.

Anyway, I was looking through all the guidance again on Tuesday and I now just can’t shake the disappointment I’m feeling about it - we’re not allowed to exchange rings, our marriage certificate will be ‘issued after the ceremony and posted out’, we can’t take any photos in the building (which is huge!) we are limited to only the statutory declarations (not allowed to choose from the usual options) and no readings or music.

I completely understand why all guests have to wear masks and we all have to socially distance, but am I being unreasonable to be disappointed with the other rules? Part of me completely gets that we’re in the middle of a pandemic (and it just is what it is so have to get on with it if we want to be married) however our local authority are the only LA in the whole region that have changed up the ceremony so significantly ‘because of covid’ all the others are still allowing things to happen as normal just with reduced numbers and social distancing.

If you don’t like what your local authors is doing, can you not get married somewhere else?

Of course your feelings are valid. I’m not sure why you can’t have readings or music? That’s a bit OTT isn’t it. I’m sorry OP that is really tough for you. Make it’s as special as you can tomorrow and go for a lovely meal with your close family and when the time is right have your big blow out.

We were told no ringbearers (same household) or photos, then on the day told it was okay. So for a start I'd double check at least :)

Of course you are allowed to be dissapointed. It really sucks. Try to enjoy your wedding and have a nice anniversary celebration/blessing/renewal ceremony at some point with your loved ones. Down the line when the covid thing is long past you'll remember how weird it was but will have a good story to the grandkids.

Are you sure they won't let you exchange rings?

Friends of ours got married yesterday and they weren't allowed to have anyone else handle the rings, but they were allowed to exchange them. The groom had them in his pocket.

We rebooked the reception for our first anniversary

YANBU - you would have to be a robot not to feel disappointed at the reality being so different to what you had imagined. I’m so sorry, and I hope that when this is over you can have the kind of celebration you wanted

While I fully understand why we need to adhere to the rules, this seems to be an over the top interpretation of them by one particular council. So you may kiss the bride but not exchange rings?? They cannot issue you a presumably brand new certificate but they can put that exact same certificate in an envelope for you to open at home? I can understand no live music, but how is a CD going to increase COVID risk to the listeners. Honestly, this is a council hiding behind COVID as an excuse to not think things through.

Of course YANBU to be sad.

You can have a 'full on' 'blessing or wedding party once we are allowed to meet again though, and that will 'feel like' your proper celebration with all your family and friends. Still dress up, exchange vows and rings and have photos and a party. You will have a fascinating story to tell your grandchildren.

Youre absolutley enyiyled to feel the way you do and no one can change that. Feelings and logic cant be separated from one another.
The question you must ask is how upset you will be by getting married like this. Is getting married the most important thing, or is heing married, exchanging rings and bring there with a few relatives and friends? Also is it imperative you get married before your baby is born (our son was a page boy aged 7!).
Its one thing to be married but not if uou regret the way you the way it happened. You can get married and have a blessing/ Confirmation of vows at a later date with everyone present. Move to a different local aithority whete regulations are more relaxed-perhaps a hotel where you can stay overnight and get married? (although they arent guaranteed yo remain so) or wait delay getting married.
I suspect at the time it might feel a bit if an anti climax but on once its happened its one of those things that you just realise is done. Its not about the rings or the piece of paper, its about saying, hey, we're married .

Oh we had the music rule too. Except that when questioned the actual rule was that we couldn't use their music system - taking a speaker and playing music to it from your phone was allowed. Again, we only found out on the day so we weren't properly prepared, we had a speaker but hadn't prepared my sister what we wanted her to play!

OP my son was married early July with similar rules. We had 5 days to organise everything and the brides parents were stuck in another country so it just DH and I as witnesses. They wanted to get married for emigration reasons and the registrars office rushed through the venue risk assessment for them ( married Wednesday, emigrated Friday). They were allowed to exchange rings but couldn't have someone else pass them to them and we were allowed to take photos ourselves so it might be worth double checking on those.

Why didn’t you just pretty to get pregnant then could of got married next year.

We only found out about photos being allowed on the day too, so all of our pictures are taken on camera phones. Luckily camera phones have improved in the last few years 😄

Wait* not pretty

You might wanna change that "of" to a "have", too 🙂

@Potterpotterpotter

Why didn’t you just pretty to get pregnant then could of got married next year.

Gosh, we might have the winner of least helpful post of the day already, and it’s not even lunch time yet 🙄

Thanks everyone, appreciate your comments and its definitely made me feel less guilty for feeling a little sad. I am really excited to marry my OH don't get me wrong, so just going to focus on this instead.

My original post was the guidance we received this week so I very much doubt anything is going to change, unfortunately! We could've booked for elsewhere but only found out after we rebooked that the other LA's aren't being so strict. Our council are super awkward on every level so if we were to cancel and rebook for elsewhere, they'd for sure not give us a refund and make us pay for our notice for a 3rd time. I'll give them a call today though and query some of these to see if my OH can at least have our rings in his pocket!

Thank you everyone

Am I missing something? Why can't you exchange rings? Presumably only you and the groom will be handling them?

@Potterpotterpotter

Why didn’t you just pretty to get pregnant then could of got married next year.

A little perplexed as to why you'd even suggested that when you know nothing about our personal circumstances! I'm 32 YO and thought i'd struggle with fertility due to previous health scares. Also not to mention that this pandemic is so unpredictable that it's anyone's guess as to whether our original 70 person wedding (with some vulnerable guests) would even be feasible next year anyway.

I can,see why you are disappointed, but I would urge you to start thinking about this in a different way.

I had a dear friend (whose marriage lasted decades until death them did part) who had a basic parents-only wedding because her DH was a non EU national on a fiancé visa and they had to marry within a specific time, and they could not arrange the celebrational wedding they wanted in the time available.

It was the later wedding which they counted as their real one, despite it being technically a blessing and nit the date they had to put on things like tax returns.

What I'm saying is that even before Covid, people were sometimes in a situation where they needed to do this. And it really does not make any difference in the longer run.

It's also the norm in various other countries to have the basic legal ceremony on a totally different date at the town hall. And it really does not detract from the real wedding party

It's not the separation of ceremony and celebration that bothers me at all - we were more than happy for it to be that way as it makes the most sense. It's just the disappointment of how strict our council are being when we know the surrounding councils (and churches) aren't..

I feel you OP. We'd postponed until October, the list of restrictions was like yours and then some (this is before 15 people limit came in too).

We're going to Cornwall next week to a very covid secure estate. The registrar is fab and happy with music, rings etc. It's bittersweet because I will miss my family and friends, but we just want to get married and I'm super excited to come back with my husband!

It's completely stupid, how does having music or exchanging rings with the person you're going to kiss in a minute (and, presumably consummate things with later on that day) increase the chance of getting covid?

Councils are often stupid but I think this wins the "most stupid covid rule" award!

It is hard - I would feel disappointed in your shoes too.

50 years ago my parents-in-law had to have a quickie wedding in order to get a mortgage together, they then had a church blessing and a big reception 6 months later. Every year since they have celebrated the anniversary of both of these dates

It will be an interesting story to tell your grandchildren one day.

Congratulations on your marriage & the baby