AIBU to have wedding disappointment?

[Thestruggleisreal8]

AIBU to be disappointed?

My fiancé and I were supposed to get married a week before the lockdown happened and so all our plans had to be put on the back burner (we had paid in full so either have to lose that money or have some sort of celebration when it’s safe to do so). In the meantime, I’ve fallen pregnant so we were reluctant to postpone all wedding plans until 2021 (or later) as we’d like to be officially married before the baby arrives in December. So, we are getting married at our local Town Hall tomorrow and no celebration at all afterwards due to local lockdown restrictions. We’re only able to have both of our parents there too which we’re sad about as we’re both really close to our siblings and grandparents etc but it was the price we were willing to pay to be able to go through with it all.

Anyway, I was looking through all the guidance again on Tuesday and I now just can’t shake the disappointment I’m feeling about it - we’re not allowed to exchange rings, our marriage certificate will be ‘issued after the ceremony and posted out’, we can’t take any photos in the building (which is huge!) we are limited to only the statutory declarations (not allowed to choose from the usual options) and no readings or music.

I completely understand why all guests have to wear masks and we all have to socially distance, but am I being unreasonable to be disappointed with the other rules? Part of me completely gets that we’re in the middle of a pandemic (and it just is what it is so have to get on with it if we want to be married) however our local authority are the only LA in the whole region that have changed up the ceremony so significantly ‘because of covid’ all the others are still allowing things to happen as normal just with reduced numbers and social distancing.

Of course you are allowed to be disappointed, it's a massive change to what you both wanted. Do try and focus on the good here though, you are in love and getting married. Have a blessing and a hell of a party when you can, you'll deserve it. Congratulations on the baby.

@Thestruggleisreal8 I got married in August. We got prepared for the same things - told there would be no ring swapping, no photos of signing marriage certificate, etc. We were actually allowed to do both on the day.

We weren’t allowed to hug people from other households, or have any music, we didn’t have readings... but we did our vows to each other outside afterwards and that was lovely.

I’m really glad we did it. It was different but so special.

Congratulations for tomorrow!

Think of this as the legal part of your married life , and plan for your blessing to be your wedding day

Of course you’re going to be upset. It’s no consolation but being married is the end game and hopefully in the not too distant future you can do it again with your friends and family. Have a lovely day regardless xx

YANBU at all. It really sucks and there’s lots of stupid rules which make no sense.
I hope you have a lovely day even though it’s not what you’d imagined.
We are in a similar boat and will probably just do a ceremony later this year and a proper celebration at a later date

I'm another who says it is understandable you are disappointed . I don't know how much the cancellation fee would be and whether that would be worth to you the lesser restrictions elsewhere.

If it helps at all ( probably not !) I knew someone who got married by proxy - so even the bride and groom weren't both there . They did have a lovely reception the next year however and 26 years on I don't think either of them gives it another thought.

Definitely worth taking the rings and having someone prepared in the group prepared to take some photos, or just find somewhere nearby or just outside the Town Hall where you can take some.

Anyway - I understand your disappointment but planning of later reception to come might be a nice way of whiling away some of lock down

Congratulations on marriage & pregnancy

@Potterpotterpotter

Why didn’t you just pretty to get pregnant then could of got married next year.

YEAH OP. Why didn't you predict the outcome of the global pandemic and wait?!!!!

Jesus.

---

I hope your wedding is still beautiful. I know it's different. But you can celebrate when all this is over, and that can include a vow renewal ceremony if you wish!! So you will be married before baby comes, but still have it all to look forward to again :).

YANBU. I’m in the exact same situation as you and we’re doing the same!

It is disappointing, but the most important thing is that you will be married and you can have the party later. People will be desperate for a party when this shit is over!

Ignore the troll. He or she sounds unnecessarily bitter.

@Potterpotterpotter

Why didn’t you just pretty to get pregnant then could of got married next year.

Because life doesn’t always work out like that?! What a bizarre comment.

I feel for you though, OP. We are meant to be getting married in March but all the rules and restrictions are putting a bit of a dampener on it all. We’re meeting with our venue next week to discuss what we are and aren’t allowed to do. It’s hard to get excited about it at the moment.

For Christmas someone better get me a crystal ball like the one Potterpotterpotter has.

YANBU at all to be disappointed, OP, especially if other LAs don't have the same restrictions in place.

It is perfectly understandable to be disappointed OP.
But it will be very memorable to have got married during this time decades from now.
I hope you both have a lovely day anyway.

My fiancé and I were supposed to get married a week before the lockdown happened

So why didn't you?

well She got pregnant after she cancelled the first wedding and postponed it. It’s her own fault if she wanted a big white wedding yet got pregnant in lockdown when there was tons of restrictions. Can’t have it both ways.
Shit wedding and the baby will have your Shared name.
Or wait and have the wedding some times next year.

Separate the legal and the celebration. Also how exciting will it be to wait until baby is here and have the baby involved somehow.

When my 2 were toddlers they could not understand why they weren't there to celebrate our big day.

You might get the best of both worlds: the legal connection before a child arrives (so incredibly wise IMHO) and a big party and celebration when you can.

Good luck with it all.

Can your fiancee have a phone in his pocket to play the bridal march for you as you walk in/out?? Can your guests all carry a helium balloon each, tied to their wrists? Get great photos outside - a passer by will help so that you can all be in the photo (I would anyway) and have a cake to cut and get a photo of that at home/in the restaurant afterwards.

If you are not allowed rings in the ceremony, please, please have Haribo rings ready to pop on yourselves, then swap them/eat them afterwards.

I am sure MN can think of a few additions for you to add to this day. What a strict LA you live in!

It’s ok to be disappointed.

We got our family wedding, but our legal wedding was literally like going to the drivers licensing office. It was in a local judges office, the kind of place where they handle low level offenses and traffic tickets. There was a Formica counter and a room full of plastic chairs. We went up to the window and stated out loud we wanted to be married. The judge signed the form and we left. There were no vows or rings or anything, but we were still married and happy.

I promise that some day, your crazy Covid wedding will be a funny story, because in the end it doesn’t matter how it happens.

It's ok to be disappointed but I'm also confused if your original wedding was due to go ahead a week before lockdown why it didn't happen?
To be honest if you've paid for everything in full I'd be postponing to 2021 and have the wedding you want

[quote ShellsAndSunrises]@Thestruggleisreal8 I got married in August. We got prepared for the same things - told there would be no ring swapping, no photos of signing marriage certificate, etc. We were actually allowed to do both on the day.

We weren’t allowed to hug people from other households, or have any music, we didn’t have readings... but we did our vows to each other outside afterwards and that was lovely.

I’m really glad we did it. It was different but so special.

Congratulations for tomorrow![/quote]
Doing the vows and photos outside after is a good idea.

Your council sounds nuts! And horrible. Of course YANBU.

@Bwlch

My fiancé and I were supposed to get married a week before the lockdown happened

So why didn't you?

Sorry! That meant to say week after, we were supposed to get married on 28th March and everything was cancelled.

Pandemic or not, those rules are ridiculous!!! I swear some officials are using Covid just to make life as miserable as possible.

Ah that sucks OP.

We got married abroad (years ago) but the ceremony wasn't legal so we did a city hall job with just our parents before we left. We didn't do rings, flowers, music etc and just had the simplest vows allowed as we wanted the ceremony at the wedding to feel like the real thing.

Well we were surprised at how lovely and meaningful our city hall job was! We still celebrate the wedding abroad as our wedding anniversary, and it was brilliant. But we have lovely memories of city hall.

I'm sure they'll let your parents snap a few photos on their phones so make sure they're primed to do so, they probably just don't want people lingering for full on photo shoots. I'd bring your rings just in case as well, and if they don't let you exchange them, do it yourselves afterwards and wear them.

Make sure to get a photo of you all in your finery and your masks - that will be a photo to look back on in the future, living history.

Have a wonderful day, and congratulations

you're allowed to feel disappointed but try to focus on the positives. You're getting married! You're pregnant! Its the start of the rest of your lives together! Some ppl never have the chance.
Good luck and congratulations!

First of all, congratulations for tomorrow! Your feelings are SO valid, during this pandemic there's been a weird sense of "people have it worse so I can't be sad/anxious" no, you're allowed. It's YOUR day. I would really recommend having as nice of a day as you can tomorrow, maybe get parents to take some pictures on the iPhone, but then book a blessing/reception/renewal for maybe 28th March 2021, or 2022, or 26th September next year and spend some of your mat leave planning this. That will be your true wedding. And try to focus on how lovely it will be to have all your loved ones together again because it WILL happen one day, and you'll have your lovely little one with you all too, a full family event. Good luck OP and congrats!!!

PS. Will your original venue honour your booking and allow you to reschedule? Or give you a decent discount

Is the ring but just for local lockdown?

We've been at a wedding today and they marrying couple exchanged rings, etc. There were no readings or anything but that was there choice.

We were in London and, as not local lockdown, they were allowed up to 30. We've been for a meal, then drinks and then a second meal & drinks this evening. We were in separate tables of 4-6 but would have been anyway due to the venues.