Your opinion of having 'the talk' with children aged 6 and 8

[Lipdissapointment]

Not my children, I'm posting on behalf of a family member (at their request) to gather opinions.

Do you think children aged 6 and 8 are too young to be spoken to about sex related things. When I say that, what I mean is: what body parts are for and what is and isn't ok etc.

My family member isn't happy about it and thinks it's inappropriate and is putting things into the children's minds that they don't need to know about yet.

YANBU - Yes that's far too young
YABU - No, that's ok

Also:
That is anyone have to touch them in a private area that they should tell me or anyone else that they felt comfortable to tell. (we had regular discussions about what is a private area )

Hthese sort of discussions need to happen regularly over number of years. Children forget things . Children need context some of which can only come with age. They need reminding of what to do in given situations presentable and my started walking to school I needed to regularly tell them what to do if a car approached them for directions.

Our New Baby by Grethe Fagerstrom is utterly brilliant - it was a book amongst all the other books in the book box in our house and the children enjoyed it along with everything else - not big deal. One day we would be reading Goodnight Mr Tom, the next this book on sex and relationships. All part of life's rich pattern.

It is a cartoon story about family, sex, birth etc. and children really love it. The emphasis is on family and love; and the biological facts are told in that context.

Here is the bad news - it is out of print. So, if anyone wants it you need to look in online second hand bookshops. Really worth the search.

I will relay these POV's, thank you

My relative felt as though bringing these things up would put things into their minds that didn't need to be there yet.

No objections to sex ed, just that they're very young at the minute and needn't know about those things especially as they already know the basics "nobody is allowed to do anything to you that makes you uncomfortable" and "private areas are private"

I will relay the NSPCC Pants guidelines too.

It doesn't need to be A TALK.

Keep it light, chat it over in an undramatic way, mention it regularly enough that it sinks in.

That's it 🤷🏻‍♀️

No idea how you get to those ages without this having come up naturally.

My dc asked about sex at about 3, following the thread of asking how babies were made, then asking about how the man's seed got into the woman to meet with her egg.

I dont think anyone has been traumatised by the knowledge.

Surely what frightens children is acting like sexual reproduction is some big scary thing that is too terrifying for them even to know about until they’re older Many people on this thread have given examples of children who learned about reproductive systems just the same as any other body part and weren’t frightened by it at all. I (apparently) read the book my parents had bought on it as soon as I could read, then read it to all my younger siblings, then got up one day at my weird very religious school and loudly started explaining it to assembly . When my youngest brother was born my dad got the rest of us out of bed aged 5, 3 and 2 to come and watch (not an audience I would have chosen personally but my parents were a lot more uninhibited and my mother was clearly fine with that).

Children growing up on livestock farms, or with any kind of interest in wildlife, learn about it far younger than this and none of the farm kids I know grew up to be weird about sex.

Don’t want to sound harsh OP but I really think this ‘they shouldn’t need to know about it yet’ attitude towards what is actually a pretty fantastic thing is really potentially damaging.

The PANTS rule is a good way to talk about privacy.
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

No idea how you get to those ages without this having come up naturally
My dc asked about sex at about 3

Some kids never ask, dd is 10 and hasnt asked. Even when her cousin was a baby, was of no interest to her.
She knows about people not touching and all that but the ins and outs, how babies made, nope, never asked.
DD has also never been one to follow me into toilet, even as a toddler. Not something id allow anyway

Very simple, basic conversations that are dropped in. I've occasionally told my girls that some girls don't understand that having sex can make babies, or don't know what they can do to stop that, then they get pregnant and they're too scared to get help, in case they get into trouble. My girls have been told that they can always tell me if they're in trouble, no matter what it is, and I'll help them sort it out. That applies to any area of their life.

Children need to hear that there is nothing taboo - they can get help for anything. If they don't hear it, they're not going to risk asking for help when they really need it.

The younger the better, in my opinion. Little kids learn about how babies are made by grown-ups in the same way as they learn that plants grow out of seeds or a bird hatches from an egg. It's all just part of learning about the world.

When they're toddlers they don't get embarrassed or revolted by any of this. And later on, they don't get confused or weirded out by the inevitable playground half-truths that are whispered around the school.

One of the girls in my DD's class literally didn't know how babies were made until she had the lesson in school in Y6, aged 11. She was then horrified and grossed out by the information, according to her mum. I couldn't believe that nobody had told her before and they'd just waited till the school did it publicly, in a classroom, at an age when a lot of kids have started to feel self-conscious and embarrassed about their bodies. Poor parenting in my view.

It is far far better to talk early when it’s not awkward and to keep talking regularly in an age appropriate way. My children are 5 and 10. They know all the correct names and about a perm and eggs. The 10 year old knows about sex (we had that talk when he was 8 and have revisited it when he’s had questions). I attended sex ed at the age of 8 at my primary school and my parents read “Where did I come from” to me then too. All evidence shows that educating children about their bodies and about sex earlier rather than later is a protective factor for abuse and means it’s just a normal conversation in family life rather than an awkward, embarrassing big deal. It also means the initial “this is how it happens” conversation is had well before they are approaching puberty (keep in mind that some girls will start their period at 9 or 10) so it’s not awkward.

We have slowly shared more information with each child as they’ve got older and in response to their questions as part of conversation within the family. We started by reading a book called something like “Everyone had a bottom”, about names for private parts and that you say what goes when it comes to your body. I read another book called something like “The amazing true story of how babies are made” with our now-10 year old when he was 8 and it’s freely available to either of them on their bedroom bookshelf. Hasn’t cause any problems at all.

@GunsAndShips

No child needs a "talk" out of the blue. You talk to children about their bodies and functions and ask questions as they arise.

This is what we have always done. We just add more details as they get older.

@GunsAndShips

No child needs a "talk" out of the blue. You talk to children about their bodies and functions and ask questions as they arise.

This in a nutshell It should be organic not a big talk

If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough for an age appropriate answer. Not too young.

When one of my GC (aged about 9) was asked about this by his younger brother, he just said "It's just mating like all animals." That about sums it up!

My son is now a teenager and we have never had 'the talk' Yes he knows about it all because over the years we had little chats, he learnt at school and asked questions which we answered honestly about males and females

We did not feel the need to have a big talk about it though

I’ve always been open about sex at a basic, appropriate level. My 5yo understands the basics and can question when he wants. I want him to feel comfortable asking me. I don’t go into huge detail at this age. It’s an ongoing chat that I’ll always be open to when he has new questions or something relevant comes up.

I also feel it can help in cases of abuse, though that isn’t the only reason I do it. It enables a child to accurately describe what happened where possible. I was assaulted and not believed, so may have different feelings on the importance of that. That’s in combination with clear terminology as well as ‘we call it (everyday name)’ and that it’s never ok for someone to ask to see/touch your private parts unless they’re a doctor and your parent is with you, or they’re your parent. If he ever feels uncomfortable, with anyone at all, he should tell me straight away and I will help.

We’ve always been open and honest when they ask but have never just had a ‘talk’ it’s a constant and open discussion as and when they have questions

@GunsAndShips

No child needs a "talk" out of the blue. You talk to children about their bodies and functions and ask questions as they arise.

This.

My mum did this and felt like she got it totally right.

I don’t remember not knowing about sex and my body. She answered every question age appropriately and encouraged my being inquisitive.

I think children aged 6 and 8 should absolutely know names for body parts, how basic reproduction works and that nobody should be touching their bits. If these kids know this already then I don’t think there is a need for a special talk. We’ve never had one but sex has been discussed around the dinner table since they were toddlers. Granny and Grandpa have a farm and we are both medical so we’re all pretty open about these things. If the kids don’t know basic reproduction and body part names plus a bit of safety type stuff then I think there is a need for a conversation and more open lines of communication in the future.

I teach puberty and reproduction at secondary and have used many of the same resources with Dd

Proper anatomical names should be taught sooner rather than later so they can identify pain or other issues.
Teaching Pants is also important.
Periods should be taught by 8 as many girls are starting younger.
DD wanted to know 'How?'. How did the sperm get to the egg after being fobbed off by 'special cuddle' in year 5 lessons at school, in which case I explained factually how reproduction happens in most mammals.
This has left Dd very comfortable with coming to me with any questions and she says it's easier because she knows I teach it to other children too.

It sounds like at the minute the children have that sort of understanding which is great

Wanting them to know about other sexual acts in order to identify sexual abuse, directly exposes them to sexual abuse. Children do not need to know about anal, oral or any other sex acts. Being exposed to it aurally, orally or visually even if for 'education' is not good. If a primary school child mentioned anything like that at school it would raise huge red flags. It would raise red flags in year 7 and 8 too but many of them are exposed to things by peers not parents.

If the parent has been SA themselves then some counselling and learning appropriate boundaries (which they not be sure of due to historical abuse) is important.

The pants rule and knowledge about sex should slowly grow as they get older, we don’t hide anything else and then suddenly unload it in one go, so why do we do it with sex?

My son is five and knows the basics of how a man and woman usually make a baby, not only is it important information to keep him safe, but it means to him it isn’t a big deal and he knows asking questions is okay and normal. It also has the added bonus of helping him to understand that he has a birth dad and a birth mum.

My son is hearing impaired, he knows which bits of his hearing system doesn’t work properly, to us him knowing about sex in an age appropriate way is no different.

A child who is comfortable talking about sex and the pants rule may be more likely to tell someone if someone has suggested something innapropriate, tried to do something innapropriate etc.

They'll be getting the basic info at school soon surely? If rather tell them than a teacher.

I'm completely in favour of early and thorough sex education, but unless all the kids are having it at school (as they do in my native Netherlands), it has to be led by the child. If they ask the question, you answer it honestly and age appropriately.

@squeekums

Does that mean your 10 year old DD doesn’t know about periods?