Your opinion of having 'the talk' with children aged 6 and 8

[Lipdissapointment]

Not my children, I'm posting on behalf of a family member (at their request) to gather opinions.

Do you think children aged 6 and 8 are too young to be spoken to about sex related things. When I say that, what I mean is: what body parts are for and what is and isn't ok etc.

My family member isn't happy about it and thinks it's inappropriate and is putting things into the children's minds that they don't need to know about yet.

YANBU - Yes that's far too young
YABU - No, that's ok

No child needs a "talk" out of the blue. You talk to children about their bodies and functions and ask questions as they arise.

I suppose it depends on the context a bit but I’ve certainly always answered questions from my kids truthfully (in an age appropriate way) and they’d definitely asked questions about where babies came from by then. I’ve always insisted they know the proper names for body parts too.

Kids are better when they learn and absorb things slowly over time I think. It normalises it.

I think the sooner you can normalise sex, the better, within reason. There are age appropriate ways of explaining the purpose of genitals and teaching them what is and is not appropriate is super important at any age.

YABU

I don't think one necessarily needs to have it with them, as poster above says, but if they ask, questions should be answered straightforwardly and honestly.

I think people worry to much about what kids might read into things, when, if you are clear and honest, they'll just take it in and that's that.

I agree with above, you shouldn't be having that talk out of nowhere with children of that age.

They should already know that their private parts are private, not to be seen or touched by anyone etc..
Why has this come up, have the children been exposed to something that needs explaining or have they asked anything?
I think a bit more context is needed, surely this hasn't just been thought up as a good conversation out of the blue

We talked about that sort of thing from a very young age. Why wouldn't you?

The purpose of the 'talk' would be to ensure the children know what SA looks like and know to tell parents if ever anybody did XYZ and so on.

These children have never been abused, there's no suggestion that they have nor is there reason to believe that they would be directly at risk in the future.

It's all on the premise of 'making sure they know how to keep safe' which I appreciate but do feel personally that it's overkill.

It's an out of the blue thing and the children haven't a clue about things like that.

I personally agree with my family member in that all it serves to do is frighten them.

At 4, my daughter knew she had a vulva and that she has a hole for wee, one that babies come out of and one for poo. She also knew that mummy sometimes bleeds from her vulva but that it doesn’t hurt and she will one day when she’s a really big girl. At 5, when I fell pregnant, she knew the nuts and bolts of making a baby - what goes where, how small her eggs are, and how the baby comes out, that it hurts a bit but is worth it. I don’t think I’ve damaged her. Children are inquisitive and I believe it’s important to answer their questions honestly and appropriately.

No not the talk. You answer questions honestly as they arise. At that age mine knew about sperm meeting an egg and that growing into a baby in a mummy’s tummy. They didn’t ask at that age how the sperm got to the egg, that came a little later.

It depends on the context and how much depth.
Periods for example - you can say that women who don’t had a baby in their tummies/womb/uterus (depending on age) have a little bit of blood come out every month. It’s normal and doesn’t hurt them.
Or that you make babies by mixing mummy’s egg and daddy’s sperm, then they grow in mummy’s tummy.

Two of my three were very nosy and I always answered their questions. Although I did get a bit difficult when she asked how my gay brother and his husband made babies.

In brief it's one parent wanting to have this talk because of experiences they had themself. The other parent isn't happy about it and thinks it's not appropriate as the children already have a base understanding that privates are private etc.

We did with my 8 year old. There had been a lot of playground silliness surrounding sex so we chatted through it all. Nothing has been mentioned since but they know that they can come to us if they have questions.

I’ve voted YABU as there are perfectly age-appropriate ways to discuss this with children of this age (and younger). Which is better IMO than leaving it until they are older and then having ‘the talk’.

I think you just teach them that it is never ok for other people to touch their private areas.

Look up NSPCC ‘pants’ it has lots of useful information and resources on how to discuss and approach that what is in their pants is private. Many schools use and recommend this.

@Lipdissapointment

The purpose of the 'talk' would be to ensure the children know what SA looks like and know to tell parents if ever anybody did XYZ and so on.

These children have never been abused, there's no suggestion that they have nor is there reason to believe that they would be directly at risk in the future.

It's all on the premise of 'making sure they know how to keep safe' which I appreciate but do feel personally that it's overkill.

It's an out of the blue thing and the children haven't a clue about things like that.

I personally agree with my family member in that all it serves to do is frighten them.

Ok well if it's about safety then you can use the NSPCC 'pants' guidelines to discuss it in a way that's age appropriate.

At those ages they should definitely know that pants are private, what to do if something happens you don't like, etc.

At that age I had regularly talked to my children about:
Names to call call their genitals in appropriate situations
Basic sex education. I've how babies were made.and that this was something that should happen in a loving relationship between adults.
How their bodies with their own and if they didn't want anyone touching them then to make that clear. To never be afraid to say no to a hug or anything else.

Dd is 5 and know some of the tech of how a baby is made but not how we do it. Somehow she didn’t really ask about that part but we looked at a diagram of the female reproductive system. She also asked to see inside an eye, how volcanoes are made and do butterflies poo etc. But all answers are me googling and showing her stuff and giving a laymen answer the best I can (sometimes to questions I literally have no idea about) so I sort of view it as one in the same at this age. She very much knows that making babies is for adults and when your a teenager, that’s when your body is changing from child to adult. A bit like a butterfly life cycle I suppose in her head.

I don’t think you need to get into what sex is like and that it’s often recreational unless they ask.

Having said that my Barbies did it all the time 😳

@Bunnymumy

I think you just teach them that it is never ok for other people to touch their private areas.

They know and understand this already which is why my family member thinks it's not nessecary to sit down and have a 'proper talk' about it.

What do you think explaining in appropriate terms where they shouldn't be touched by other people is going to do?
Raise a raft of false accusations? Make them worried if they are actually touched inappropriately?

I was abused when I was 9 (by my older sibling. My mum was a teacher with training in child psychology) I didn't know proper terminology for body parts or understand anything about sex, apart from ot was something I shouldn't talk or ask questions about.

I personally don’t think it’s one talk and then never mention it again. It’s having an open dialogue with age appropriate info building up learning (as you would about any subject, or we do at least), getting more detailed / scientific / biological / ethical - eg consent and respect etc, depending on age and subject matter. And answering questions as they arise, but you do have to create the conversation in the first place to encourage them to be curious.

Posted too late! As regards sexual abuse - we’ve spoken about how it’s not nice to be going around showing off your bottom or vulva and that you wear knickers because it’s private. Only mummy/daddy/the doctor need to see it and nobody should touch you there -unless it’s sore and mummy needs to put some cream on. If anyone else tries to touch you there, you tell mummy and I’ll believe you no matter who it is.

It’s not a difficult conversation.

Sorry, that took me ages to write, and I missed loads of new posts with updates from OP