DP can't find stuff or loses stuff all the fucking time!

[Nonotthisagain]

It is driving me insane. We've just spent hours this evening trying to trace his coat with his bank cards in the pocket. Been through the cars, house, driven to his van to check, back home going through everything again. I talk him back through all his movements until we finally establish coat is at friend's house. Call friend, cards are not in pocket. We finally find them in his jeans pocket on floor on bedroom tucked under bed.

This sort of shit happens all the fucking time. All the fucking time.

And he can't find anything in the house even when right under his nose. I literally have to say 'it's right there, right in front of your finger' kind of thing.

I love him to bits but sometimes I could cheerfully kill him I swear!!

Stop finding his things for him.

My ex was like this. He'd come in the living room and want the remote control and the first thing he'd say would be "wheres the remote control are you sitting on it can you get up and look please" before he'd even bothered to fucking look anywhere.

Yet another reason he's my ex.

Just realised this isn't an AIBU so AIBU to consider building a patio? For future use? 🤣

Is it genuine losing stuff or is it strategic incompetence because he knows you will pick up the pieces? Does he lose work related stuff?

Either way, I wouldn't be helping him look for stuff I'm afraid. He should try and develop strategies to make sure he doesn't lose important things.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

Stop finding his things for him.

My ex was like this. He'd come in the living room and want the remote control and the first thing he'd say would be "wheres the remote control are you sitting on it can you get up and look please" before he'd even bothered to fucking look anywhere.

Yet another reason he's my ex.

I don't normally but tomorrow he absolutely needs his bank card. I usually leave him to it mostly buy it gives me the rage so badly nonetheless

My dp is like this but I do not search for his stuff or talk through his movements, I do remember when I see something in odd place, daily occurrence, and will tell him when he asks. Step back for your sanity

He's as shit about work stuff but that doesn't really affect me.

I'm more cross this evening as I suggested getting his own box in the kitchen where he always puts his own stuff and only his stuff every time he comes in. Instead of the various places everyone else uses line the key bowl. Just one place for his and only his stuff that he decants everything into when he gets in and out becomes a habit.

He dismissed this as 'we've already got places for things' 🙄🙄🙄

He is at home, there is food in the fridge, it is not freezing cold. So he does not 'absolutely need his bank card'- he will only learn to have ways of not losing things if there are consequences. Time for tough love.

My DP is like this too. I’m very tidy and organised whereas he’s more messy. He’ll often come storming into a room looking stressed and start tearing the place apart looking for something. Don’t know why he can’t just put things back in their place so he knows where to find them next time. Drives me potty!

My dh was always looking for stuff until he sorted out a specific place for his stuff. That is if he hasn’t left it in the car or his gym bag
It does make a difference. Your dh should reconsider.

My DP recently has been misplacing stuff, I've given him a small basket to put his keys, specs and phone in. He keeps his wallet on his person but that has been known to not be in the right place either.

Adhd springs to mind.

Stop finding his things for him. He won't change until you do.

I have started to do less looking for DH's stuff, because at the moment neither of my kids (who aren't little anymore) can find anything for shit either and I refuse to be the only person in the house who looks for things properly.

My DP isn't as bad as yours but is terrible at looking in the place where something is supposed to be, telling me whatever it is isn't there. I look and find it immediately. I have now got to the state of saying "are you sure" and he'll go and have another look before, usually, coming back sheepishly with said item 🙄

@Nonotthisagain I could so easily have written your posts! Can never find anything; keys, wallet, bank cards plus many other things. Tried the box just for him but doesn't get used. In fact wallet "lost" again this week, cards cancelled and waiting for new ones. Sometimes I wonder how he didn't lose or forget the DC she they were younger! I and he think he is probably on some kind of spectrum. When we go abroad now no way does he have the passports as I have stood outside airport waiting for him to run back through to the loos, shops etc looking for passport when it's been in side pocket of case all the time. Drives me demented. Does he also just not notice "mess" around the house as that's also something that drives me mad.
I have a great memory for where things are so it drives me absolutely effing mad too. My eldest DC is similar but thank goodness youngest DC is similar to me!
I have had to learn to just live with it and I just say no i haven't seen it (having gone through his complete itinerary for the previous few days and hours to work out where things might be too many times)
Jut wanted to empathise and say you are not alone but I now just let it go over my head as I can't deal with the stress if it. Just don't let him have the important stuff like passports when travelling!

Mine does it too

Constantly leaving his phone and wallet in places. Laptops, work bags, you name it.

I just don't understand. We are also forever having to drive back home as he realised he's forgotten something.

He just never fecking learns it drives me nuts. If you find a solution let me know.

Absolutely yes. We nearly missed a hospital appointment yesterday because DP has lost his car keys even though I have put a box that says keys at the front door.

I also have to tell him to look with eyes as he usually just runs round opening drawers and saying he can't find things

The thing is you can't not help look, otherwise the huffing and puffing and out cupboards would never end and drives you mad

I’m like your DP. I regularly lose my bank card only to find it days later in the tumble dryer and go through several a year (order new one from bank). I go out the house and realise, no key I’ve locked myself out. Or I’ve misplaced my phone and ask DH to ring me so I can find it.
I do have ADHD (diagnosed).
I can manage at work with many many notes to self, check lists and I do have my hyper focus super power to get projects knocked out in record time (part of ADHD).

My Dh does this , but with an added bonus of insisting he knows where he left things and someone (me or dc) must have moved them. Yeah, cos we’re bound to want to borrow his socks/ accounts/ radio charging cable...

I have a husband the same -he missed an open water swim session this morning as missing his goggles -that will be the ones you left hanging on the patio doors- not my problem moaned all day though about missing his slot like a puppy with sad eyes! Still hasn’t found goggles WHERE HE LEFT THEM TO AIR OFF......

Patio
100% 😈

OMG I feel your pain! Losing stuff drives me bonkers! I properly get the rage because I feel it's a waste of my life! If things are put away and everything organised, there's no need to waste huge chunks of your life looking for stuff.

Also agree it sounds like possibly ADHD. Does he have other symptoms?

I have ADHD and have "tiles" on everything. I also have an Apple Watch which is always attached to me.

So I can ring my phone from my watch, along with my house/work keys and my car keys. I can also ring my phone from my keys.

My husband also has them. He does not have ADHD but tends to lose things when he gets anxious. He also has a tile in his wallet. I don't need one in my purse because it's always in one of my bags and they all get kept in the hall. And it's massive!

They have saved much stress and heartache.

But of an investment but so worth it!

I also bought some for my ADHD son for Christmas as he had lost numerous wallets and keys. Hasn't lost them since 😊

Don’t help him look for his stuff. He’s grown fucking adult responsible for his own things. Stop sweeping up after his shit. He’s pathetic. Sorry 🤷🏼‍♀️