If you struggled financially at one point and are now in a better place...

[champagnesupernovainthesky]

Does it feel weird sometimes when you're food shopping and don't have to count every single penny anymore?

I'm in a much better situation financially now than a few years ago due to no longer being with DP and his financial abuse but from time it still feels weird to not be trailing the supermarket worrying about what to buy!?

Does anyone else have this?! Its almost like I shouldn't be looking at some things in the shop!

Yes. This is why I online shop as much as possible. I am not searching for coppers down the back of the sofa for bus fare anymore but even though I don't need to worry, and can get nice food it's still easier to put stuff back on a virtual shelf when I have reached my budget.

This was me. Used to go around checking and double checking every price etc...

My DP did the same.

He still does. I don’t. Even though now we are very comfortable.

I have a theory that if you grew up with plenty of money (as in never had to worry about your next meal) like I did then you just revert back to your old ways. DP grew up really struggling at times (and hungry) so I think his obsession even now at checking prices stems from that.

I’m embarrassed to say, I couldn’t tell you how much a loaf of bread/pint of milk is now. I shop at Aldi purely as it is the best in my local area but couldn’t tell you how much things are

I still penny pinch. I will buy things when they are on offer, I always go to the clearance shelf at supermarkets,boots and superdrug and only buy things for myself when there's a sale on.
I batch cook and freeze as it's cheaper, will buy kids clothes a size up (I like to get my money's worth!). Funny thing is I'm on a decent wage but I can't help looking for bargains. I feel almost tearful and guilty if I buy myself something at full price.
I remember my mum having to struggle with money when my dad left us for a few months to look after his mum in another country. Those money worries have always stayed with me.

It has stayed with me. I have our finances planned out. Have money set up so cant overspend.

I do, I still get a knot in my stomach just before paying scared my card won’t go thro.

Years of financial abuse then clawing my way out of debt on divorce was horrific.

I try to take dc (pre-covid), for a fun shop once a year and we buy all the crap fun snacks in shops then spend Christmas hols happily eating it all. My dc has very little when they were young. I enjoy treating them now.

@Begonias I have massive guilt buying myself anything. I recently needed to buy clothes and found myself justifying it to a very bemused DP.

DP pointed out I needed clothes, and my old clothes were ten years old and fall in apart and really I can’t live in pjs.

I’d also bought the clothes in sales. Still felt so so guilty.

Yep! I still mentally add up the shopping as I put it on the conveyor belt and I still feel uncomfortable if I feel like I’m buying ‘too much’ despite us being perfectly comfortable.

I grew up never worrying about money. Got out into the big wide world, was financially abused 20k in debt and paying rent etc on my own. Since then a lot of years later I own a property and am more than comfortable but i still watch my pennies. Not to the same extent but I account for everything and still budget etc. No big treats still no holidays one day I will get around to living and not existing

I cant work up the nerve to put more than £15 worth of fuel in my car. Back in the day, I would put £3-£5 in at a time, just enough to tide me over bit by bit.
Even though I'm in a very different place financially these days, putting £15 of fuel in at one time feels like a splurge. The idea of filling my tank seems overly flamboyant. Maybe if I win the lottery

We are in no way well off at all but I no longer live in my overdraft and am in a position where I don't have to really worry about what I spend on the food shop but I now have a panic if my bank account drops below a certain amount. It leaves me feeling nervous, like we have no money and I have to reign in what I spend, even though it's still a sensible amount for most people. I am definitely watching what we spend at the moment now though as I'll either be on the new subsidised wage scheme or out of a job next week

God yeah, when DH was setting up the business times were hard, living off my wage and me having to pick up extra shifts all the time on awful wards I’d never stepped foot on before to make sure we had enough for food shopping. All worth it though, it’s so lovely being able to buy what we want when we want. Although, I still like a primarni bargain which he tells me off for

Yes my mum often had to put items back.

Yes and I still feel guilty for buying myself something.

Not the kids. I gleefully spend money on them.

But myself - I feel sick even buying a jumper from Primark. Even though we have a high disposable income, decent savings and no debt, I still panic.

Yes, I still look for special offers and think if I can easily get something cheaper somewhere else, then I will go with the cheaper option 😀

Grew up never worried about money but parents who earned well as I hit my teens were good at spending as well and saving. Never worried about money generally as they had developed good saving habits early in marriage as my dad came from a poorer background but was ambitious but careful and mum's parents reasonably comfortable due to hard work and saving. Husband family from a well earning father but a mother who spent a lot
As a partnership we are the ying and yang I am the penny watcher and he is the spender. We compliment each other. I enjoy shopping and finding bargains. He makes me enjoy life by making me go on holiday and enjoy meals out etc. He is a brilliant cook so balances this with cooking meals at home from what I buy, Moans if I buy fatty cheap meat so I buy from the butcher and Aldi what we both think is good. We compromise. I am the planner he is the one who is spontaneous. He laughs at me for planning but it paid off this year as I had stocks in lockdown but I love the way he makes me do things I would not do on my own.We have been through some real hard time as he is self employed and got seriously ill at one point and he can no longer work full time but we coped. I took huge hit on my credit rating as I could not pay everything on my part time wage at the time and he was so ilI I did not want to bother him with the money worries. Went full time as soon as I can to save the situation and with my mums sage advice turned it around I can not stop looking at my bills, bank account and where I can save money and also have the dread of my card being turned down and he still likes to splurge but is now very conscious of the biils and bank account balance We compromise and are comfortable now but old habits die hard

Very similar situation to OP. Having a rainy day fund gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. And not struggling around Iceland with £20 to feed us all for a week. I still compare prices and try to get the lowest price per kilo.

I’m not too bad with spending - I don’t get guilty too much any more, but after an emotionally abusive relationship I did a flit from I got into debt and it took several years to get straight. If a strange envelope arrives though, or a knock on the door that I’m not expecting, it takes me straight back to debt collection agency letters and hiding from the bailiffs. I am debt free, have a mortgage and money in the bank, but I don’t think that feeling will ever leave me.

I remember about 15yrs ago doing a regular weekly food shop on £25 a week for me and a 5yr old. I only used cash and any change left at the end of the week from that £25 went into a piggy bank and I started again the next Monday by taking out another £25. I did this for a long time as I was in a little bit of debt and realised that it was never going to get better unless I reined it in and got rid of a store card at a time.

Things are a lot better now, my only debts are a small mortgage and car finance. I save each month with standing orders rather than a piggy bank. I will never do a full food shop anywhere other than Lidl or Aldi. I can't ever 'treat' myself and I do quite often end up buying twice as I've bought cheap. I still hoard food, particularly tins, packet rice and I have a lot of freezer burned meat as the fear never leaves you.

There was a period of around 2 years when my shopping budget to feed myself for a week was under £10. I budgeted £40 a month for gas and electric and once it was gone it was gone.

It has been around 10 years since then but I still calculate my food shop as I go around the store using my calculator on my phone. I have an upper limit in my head that I cannot bring myself to exceed.

We needed a new mattress topper last year. I rebelled against myself and instead of the cheapest one, bought one around double the price (still cheap) - my heart was racing as I ordered!

It sometimes makes me feel sad that I am like this, but I try not to dwell on it

Thank you for this thread, I'm in a really hard financial place at the moment but it's lovely to read that it can and often does get easier.

I was on my arse 6 years ago. Over the last 5 I've cleared my debts and I've even got savings. I have got into the habit of having money all around the house. Not stupid amounts but pots. 2 pound coins in one, change in another and probably 50 in notes. I'm just really scared about running out of money and not being able to buy food.

I was brought up extremely privileged - there were periods during the recession in the 80s/90s that as a family we didn’t have much, but I was a small child and it was fun to get stuff from the Brownies jumble sale! I didn’t realise till I was a lot older that was out of necessity. I also didn’t know till very recently that we came that close to having our house repossessed because of my dads spending habits.

As an adult, we’ve been through some really really lean times. Mostly our fault - I’ve inherited my dad’s poor financial sense and spend too much on credit - but even now, paying back a lot of unsecured debt, we’re comfortable and most financial things aren’t something to hugely worry about.

It is hard to break out of the mindset of checking and rechecking and not spending over a certain amount at the supermarket.

It is strange when you go from one extreme to the other.
12 years ago both me and DH were made redundant and although we found new jobs instantly, our income dropped dramatically. We managed, but it was a case of serious food budgeting, no holidays and no little luxuries for a long while.
We’ve built our income back up over the last few years with job moves and promotions, and we can now afford to buy what food we want, book a holiday, drive a decent car etc.
I think what we went through though will always mean we are still careful financially though and we don’t take it for granted, especially with how things are in the world right now.

I’ve always wondered what it must feel like to put petrol in the car and not think about it

Yes. We emigrated to Australia and now things are so much easier financially.