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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel pi##d off with neighbour,her 2 kids will be on my doorstep at 8.30am......

26 replies

bubblepop · 09/10/2007 20:06

for me to take them to school along with mine in the morning. she has asked me because
-she's got to cycle to work but her bikes got a puncture,therefore she'l have to walk there,it'l take longer therefore she will have to set off earlier,
gawd,don't want to look like a complete selfish bitch but ive got 4 of my own,im frazzled and stressed enough at that time of morning, 2 of mine are toddlers,(yes i am hassled enough)
but how to be assertive and say no-well i guess im not good at it,and i guess she knows it.....ive got a horrible feeling this is not just going to be a one off favour, but that she may come to rely on me
ggrrrr

OP posts:

themoon66 · 09/10/2007 20:08

Quick... think of a return huge favour she can do for you.... I say 'quick' while she is still remembering the one you've done for her today!

themoon66 · 09/10/2007 20:09

Something like.... she has all the DCs on Saturday for an hour or two so you can stroll around shops/go for quiet coffee or similar

Nbg · 09/10/2007 20:09

is this the first time shes asked you?

If so cut her a bit of slack.
If shes human and a woman I'm sure she'll understand that you havent got an easy ride yourself having 4 kids.

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 20:10

so you ask her to take yours on friday

Journey · 09/10/2007 20:20

If she asks again just be honest and say it is too much as you've got four children to look after. If she isn't happy with that then that's her problem not yours.

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 09/10/2007 20:24

i think you are a wee bit. 8.30am we are just about out the door, will it be harder to walk two older ones to school at the same time?

at least then you can ask her to take yours to school if you are ever ill or anything.

sparklygothkat · 09/10/2007 20:27

i have taken neighbours kids to school, its not out of my way after all. at least i know i can ask them for favours if needed

bubblagirl · 09/10/2007 20:32

i understand your rushing with your kids but hers obviously only had to walk with you which you would do anyway its not as if you had to dress her kids too besides you should feel pleased she thought she could come to you for help i'm sure she'd help you if you asked do you have to do anythin g for them od do they just walk with you if so i really dont see her kids are the problem the school run for you seems hectic anyway but how did taking them disrupt it?

Original poster

bubblepop · 09/10/2007 21:05

i think i am resentful because her kids are always at my house anyway...every evening and weekend at least one of them is around.i feel annoyed at the thought that she might become reliant on me to help her out with school runs..ive seen her do it to another mum (who has now moved out of the area). perhaps if she was a good friend of mine i would feel different.. but we are not friends just aquainted with each other. also if its pouring down with rain i will have no choice but to walk if i commit myself to help her regularly.i have a car, but won't be able to use it because i can't fit 6 kids and myself in it. there, said it now. why should my kids get pissed wet thru before school because of someone elses problems

OP posts:

Original poster

bubblepop · 09/10/2007 21:07

god i sound like a horrible bitch

OP posts:

mylastrolo · 09/10/2007 21:16

no bubblepop you don't one off maybe but your gut instinct is telling you no go with it. just out of very similar situation long story and won't hyjack thread. Do what is right for you and yours

Fireflyfairy2 · 09/10/2007 21:19

She'll get her puncture fixed, right?

Once that's fixed there's no problem.

What makes you think she'd want it to be permanent if she has managed this far on her own?

Scanner · 09/10/2007 21:24

How about when she thanks you, you say something like 'no problem, I can't do it very often, but it was conveiniant today'.

Desiderata · 09/10/2007 21:27

A bit of rain never hurt a kid

SSSandy2 · 09/10/2007 21:27

Well if she has a history of taking advantage of other dms, wise to be cautious. You could make it plain that in return you'll be leaving your children with her(make it an inconvenient pain in the arse return favour). Then she will think twice about doing this again and it will no longer annoy you that you are doing it this once.

Think now, when could you leave your dc with her?

xXxamyxXx · 09/10/2007 21:29

if its a one off yabu everyone has the odd time they need a hand although why couldnt she just fix the puncture it would only take five minutes

Original poster

bubblepop · 09/10/2007 21:31

well fffairy..as i said she had another mum in the area helping her, basically she wud drop off her kids 4 days per week and this mum wud walk them to school with her kids.then again after school, the mum wud take them back to hers until she arrived home from work. i feel selfish saying it but i just don't want to commit myself and be relied upon,this other woman who was helping her has since moved house..and im the next nearest up the street. the last 2 years of my life have been extremely hectic,sometimes i have thought i was'nt coping very well attall and have felt extremely stressed.things are just coming right now, my youngest is 21 months and my others are 3,8 and 10yrs.i can just about see light at the end of the tunnel iyswim. i don't relish the thought of helping her out

OP posts:

Lazarou · 09/10/2007 21:49

At least you're honest. Don't say anything for now, just take them and see how you cope. If you find it too much and she asks you to do it again then you have to tell her. Surely though a puncture can be fixed pretty quickly and it's only for one day?

Hellcat · 09/10/2007 21:58

Well, is she off out to work to keep a roof over their heads when she'd really rather be walking them to school herself?

Mind you, I have heard that only posh people cycle.

SSSandy2 · 09/10/2007 22:04

too late to do much about it now bubblepop. If you have to do it, resign yourself to doing it with a good grace maybe.

Perhaps now you know to expect this kind of thing, you can have a good answer ready for next time if you don't want to feel taken advantage of

PatsyCline · 09/10/2007 22:20

I initially thought that you were being unreasonable, but reading more about the way you are feeling I can see that this could be really stressful for you. You've agreed to do it tomorrow and I think that you have to be prepared to be firm if she starts trying to make it a regular thing.

My DD1's best friend (they have now moved away) had a dad who completely took the pee sometimes in an attempt to avoid paying for any childcare (they are very well off). I was going through an extremely stressful period. I helped him out when I could, but learned to put my foot down and say, "Sorry, I'd like to, but I really can't."

Do her this favour, but don't let her be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Patsy x

nappyaddict · 10/10/2007 01:27

i think in such a situation i would say yes too but then ask her a huge favour in return and then if she said no i'd be pissed off.

saadia · 10/10/2007 05:25

Similar thing happened to me, started giving lifts to school and back to friend and her ds and ended up feeling that they were relying on me when I had never wanted to be in that position. What time do you usually leave? Could you perhaps leave a little bit earlier so they don't catch you? Or maybe start driving and say "sorry I'm taking the car today as I have to go straight to an appointment."

goldenoldie · 10/10/2007 07:33

lots of good advice here. I would say go with your gut instinct.

If you act like a doormat you get walked on.

niceglasses · 10/10/2007 07:47

OOPs I have done this to my neighbour BUT all her 5 (!!) are much older and walk themselves to school. And I pay her!!! Not a lot, but I chuck her a tenner or so, she only does it once or at most twice a week and I know money is a problem for her.

I think its okay, I hope its okay. I don't think she says yes and begrudes it. But if you feel put upon, I think asking a return favour is only fair.

Would she look after some of yours to give you a break? Thats not unreasonable at all......

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