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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To block her on social media?

69 replies

BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 12:55

I used to be very good friends with a girl while I was with my ex. Just before we split I found out they had messaged each other, it was nothing too bad just chat ''nice to see you last night in town'' etc but was a bit suspicious as they only knew each other through me.
Anyway long story short they got together and are now married and expecting a baby. I was hurt and she kept begging me to be friends with her and said she couldn't understand why we couldn't.
She added me again on Facebook (It is a long time ago it all happened) so I accepted as I don't want to come across as bitter. She only seemed to message when something negative happened as though she just wanted to know what was going on.
Her and my ex had the big fancy abroad wedding, won their honeymoon worth about £5,000 and have a baby.
I'm not married and I'm struggling to conceive. I just don't think its healthy to have her on social media and be able to compare all the time. I'd say hello to her IRL I just don't need her perfect life rubbing in my face.
AIBU to block her?

OP posts:
CitizenFame · 24/09/2020 12:59

I’m not familiar with Facebook as I don’t use it but isn’t there a mute option so she can’t tell that you have blocked her but her posts won’t show up on your feed?

HilaryBriss · 24/09/2020 13:00

No need to block, just unfollow her so you don't see her posts.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 24/09/2020 13:00

Can you hide her from your news feed?

lioncitygirl · 24/09/2020 13:01

Hide her from your newsfeed. Control what she sees on your page.

Anordinarymum · 24/09/2020 13:02

It's never going to end well is it OP ? Block her I think.

Original poster
BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 13:03

I thought about doing that but then I don't really want her seeing my posts. I post quite a lot good and bad, but I sometimes feel she almost enjoys seeing the negative posts and gloats that my life isn't as happy as hers. I thought if I block her then she might just think I've got rid of my facebook altogether? I don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 13:05

@lioncitygirl I didn't realise you could control what people see on your page!

OP posts:
Littleposh · 24/09/2020 13:05

Just delete her. She can't see you, you can't see her, there's no temptation to go for a nosy as you can't see anything. It's really nothing to stress about

oreshina · 24/09/2020 13:05

What a twat she is...she was your friend, messaging your bf before you split. You owe her nothing. She is toxic, keep her out of your life.

tectonicplates · 24/09/2020 13:06

Actually I do think you should block her, as the current situation clearly isn't good for your mental health. If her reading your stuff is making you unhappy, then block away.

Are you also friends with your ex on Facebook?

Legallybleachblonde · 24/09/2020 13:06

I dont think I would have accepted her friend request in the first place - doesn't make you bitter; you've just moved on. But, as you have, I would block her, yes. Unless you want to rake up the past and be friends with her once more, I don't see much point. I hate these people who crawl out of the woodwork so they can nose at your stuff! Think of yourself, not how it may or may not come across to her. If you feel really uncomfortable about blocking, you could just unfollow her then adjust your settings so she doesn't see any of your posts? Don't compare your life to theirs either - people only post the best bits on social media for all to see. Focus on you and I hope you conceive soon (I have been on that journey too) x

KeepSmiling89 · 24/09/2020 13:06

@CotizenFamd is right OP. You can hide a person's posts on Facebook so you can't see anything they post but without actually ubfriending or blocking them. I've done that with a couple of friends...nothing bitter between us but they post about literally every single thing they do. Also, when my friend posts something about her DC with a photo, her mum posts the exact same thing with the exact same photo. It drives me up the wall! DH still sees their posts so updates me with stuff we'd like to know! You can go onto her page if you want to see an update without it showing on your feed. I'm a bit of a FB addict and doing Scroll Free September just now - www.rsph.org.uk/our-work/campaigns/scroll-free-september.html

However, if you really don't want to be friends with her anymore, just unfriend. No point in keeping her on Facebook if it just gets you down.

Original poster
BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 13:07

@Littleposh That was my thinking. She just makes me feel guilty for not wanting to be 'friends' and never seemed to see my point that I found it hard to see them together as they both hurt me. It's not that I'm not over it or I've got any ill feeling anymore, I just don't need to see what she posts and I don't want to have to pretend that everything in my life is rosy just so she doesn't message me feigning sympathy.

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 24/09/2020 13:07

I'd block her and not care what she or anyone else thought of that. Why should you have her in your life? Whether she or anyone else did anything wrong or not is beside the point (although I would suspect she made a play for your ex before the split)- you are under no obligation to be friends with someone, especially not if it causes you hurt.

Anordinarymum · 24/09/2020 13:08

@BirthdayWishesToHeaven

I thought about doing that but then I don't really want her seeing my posts. I post quite a lot good and bad, but I sometimes feel she almost enjoys seeing the negative posts and gloats that my life isn't as happy as hers. I thought if I block her then she might just think I've got rid of my facebook altogether? I don't know.
You don't know if her life is happy, you think it is, but you don't know. Move on and ignore or block or whatever. I am not on social media so do not know how it works but it all sounds so 'look at me' 'look at my trout face' and those folks who post pics of their children.. well is there no privacy left ?
SantaClaritaDiet · 24/09/2020 13:08

so I accepted as I don't want to come across as bitter.

who cares what she thinks?
Remove her, block her and forget all about her. Life is too short to drag irritant weights behind you.

Social media, especially FB, are an amazing tool to stay in touch with friends and families. Anything else, ditch.

lifesalongsong · 24/09/2020 13:09

Mark her as an aquaintance and then use the everyone but aquaintances setting for the posts you don't want her to see and on a general point there is no need to ask anyone else who you should be friends with on any social media, it's entirely up to you

SantaClaritaDiet · 24/09/2020 13:10

She just makes me feel guilty for not wanting to be 'friends'

be the bigger person, you are not interested in that teen drama anymore. She is not interesting enough to have her on your FB.

She will be miffed that you delete her, she's after drama. Why do you bother?

Original poster
BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 13:11

Thank you all. I should just not have bothered accepting but she made me feel so bad with the 'why can't you just move on and be friends' kind of thing. I don't have any of my ex's on Facebook (including him) simply because I don't need to see their stuff and I don't even know their wives!
I just find since adding her, its not done my mental health any good.
And she announced she was pregnant on there on my sister (who passed earlier this year's) birthday.. and I know it won't have been on purpose but it just felt like a kick while I was down.

OP posts:
WillowKnicks · 24/09/2020 13:12

When you create a post, there's a friend's option under your name & that lets you control each individual post.

SantaClaritaDiet · 24/09/2020 13:13

Be flattered you are so important to her she feels the need to try to bring you down, she is clearly insecure and struggling.

delete, delete, delete.

ispepsiokay · 24/09/2020 13:14

Delete her, she adds nothing positive to your life. Block her in any way you can do you don't have to make any explanations as to why you're not interested in being friends

Original poster
BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 13:14

I don't know why I bother to be honest. She just made me feel like I should be completely moved on.. and almost as though the fact that I don't want to be friends with her or at least see her posts means that I'm not? She's never once said lets meet for a coffee or please can we talk.. its just she seems desperate that we're friends on social media and if we're not it means to her I'm not over him (I am, I've been with current DP almost 5 years)

OP posts:
daisyjgrey · 24/09/2020 13:16

Urgh fuck her off immediately and don't entertain any "I don't know why we can't be friends" twattery.

Original poster
BirthdayWishesToHeaven · 24/09/2020 13:18

Thank you everyone by the way. I was a bit nervous posting this as I expected to get a lot of ''You're clearly not moved on'' insinuating I'm a bunny boiler type comments.
I think it just hurt as its not something I would do personally. I know we're all grown up's but I just would not get with a friends ex, and if I did I would fully understand why they were hurt.

OP posts:
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