to be convinced this early that he's 'the one'

[pineopard]

When I say 'the one' I simply mean that I think he's the one I've been looking for, that I could settle down with, and probably fall in love with in time. I've had a small number relationships and have a son. My son's dad was abusive and I haven't dated for quite a long time. Got back in to the dating game. Went on dates with 4 people before meeting current guy. We've been on 7/8 dates over 2 or so months. We both have our 'baggage' but have been very honest with each other from the start, which has been a relief, and refreshing for the both of us. I can feel myself already developing quite strong feelings for him, and I'm finding it quite unnerving (also exciting) that I feel this way so early on. I understand it is still very much the honeymoon period, however it just feels so... right. I don't think any relationship I've had has felt like it clicked so well before.

Am I getting ahead of myself here? Is it normal to just 'know' when something is right?

I've done a huge amount of work on myself and know exactly what I do and don't want/need.

Did you feel like this at the start of your relationship?

I think that you should try to calm down and get to know him. Yes the beginning is exciting but you can’t be deciding someone you’ve met a few times is the one, he’s a virtual stranger. I’m sorry.

Just calm yourself and spend time getting to know him, in a year or two then decide if he’s the one. When you actually know him. And not what he presents on a date

I knew I was going to marry my husband the day after I met him. Called my sister to tell her so

But; before we got married we were in a relationship for five years and lived together for 4 years, so we didn’t rush into anything! I think sometimes you can know when you’ve met the right person, but you should give yourself plenty of time to be proven right.

@VeraPink

I knew I was going to marry my husband the day after I met him. Called my sister to tell her so

But; before we got married we were in a relationship for five years and lived together for 4 years, so we didn’t rush into anything! I think sometimes you can know when you’ve met the right person, but you should give yourself plenty of time to be proven right.

Absolutely agree.

Feeling giddy at the beginning of a relationship is lovely. Take it slowly and learn about each other before jumping in too quickly, especially if you have already been hurt by someone else

@Anordinarymum

Feeling giddy at the beginning of a relationship is lovely. Take it slowly and learn about each other before jumping in too quickly, especially if you have already been hurt by someone else

We are taking things very slowly. We haven't had sex (there are reasons for this), I've stayed at his twice and it's felt very comfortable. I would never mention anything like this to him, they're just my innermost thoughts coming out on mn!

@pineopard - I moved in with my now husband after 3 weeks, engaged a week after that. 25 years later we are still going strong.

[quote Elephantday82]@pineopard - I moved in with my now husband after 3 weeks, engaged a week after that. 25 years later we are still going strong.[/quote]
Blimey! That's awesome!

Won't be moving that quickly as I have a child, so need to be 1000% sure of him before things move in that direction!

My friend moved her husband in after their first date, although they vaguely knew each other before then. Happily married 20 years. I also know a 45 year marriage where he proposed on the first date and she accepted on the third, he went off to do national service and they got married in his return. So yes, I think it’s possible. However, when you have a son I think you have a responsibility to take particular care.

I think you sound sensible but excited. So enjoy 😊

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

My friend moved her husband in after their first date, although they vaguely knew each other before then. Happily married 20 years. I also know a 45 year marriage where he proposed on the first date and she accepted on the third, he went off to do national service and they got married in his return. So yes, I think it’s possible. However, when you have a son I think you have a responsibility to take particular care.

Definitely. I haven't introduced them yet and whilst I sound like I'm getting ahead of myself, if he was useless with my son or it didn't feel right, I would be 100% confident in calling it off. It does just feel very right. Very comfortable. Very honest etc.

I've done a huge amount of work on myself and know exactly what I do and don't want/need.

Great. But you don’t know this guy.

I felt like this about my now husband from the minute I met him.

I waited for quite a while to let him know this.

You have nothing to lose by playing your cards close to your chest.

Oh it's such a lovely feeling isn't it! Enjoy the endorphins, it sounds like you deserve to feel good. Congratulations

The danger with thinking like this is you can ignore many red flags or undesirable behaviours as you have talked yourself into him being 'the one'

When you mention 'baggage' what are you referring to? (on both sides?)

@theworldhasfallenoutmybottom

The danger with thinking like this is you can ignore many red flags or undesirable behaviours as you have talked yourself into him being 'the one'

Definitely not ignoring red flags. I know myself well enough now to not ignore them. I guess you'll just have to trust me on that one. My son already has an abusive dad, who thankfully doesn't see him, as awful as that sounds. I like this guy a lot but I absolutely wouldn't allow an abusive or unkind man to remain in our lives.

I knew I loved dh within 1 month,went on holiday abroad together at 2 months and pregnant at 3 months.Been together 7.5 years now,married for 4.

Lots of people who have long and happy relationships will have experienced the same feelings as you as early on as you. At the same time, lots of people whose relationships don't last will have felt like this. No one can tell you how it will work out but try to remain rational to protect yourself.

I met my DH on the Friday night, and the next morning I told my Mum that I had met the man I was going to marry! Went home with him on the Saturday night and never really left! Been together 19 years and married 11 years!
Enjoy this special time OP.

I knew my husband was " the one" on our first date.
We married just over a year later and have been married 29 years.

Good luck OP!

@Hopingtobeamum

When you mention 'baggage' what are you referring to? (on both sides?)

I have an abusive ex partner and issues with intimacy (haven't talked to him much about this, but have told him vaguely that I've had bad experiences). He has a medical condition which he acquired some years ago, I won't mention what it is. He's not dated for a while because of it. I also have a child (not baggage at all, but changes the dynamic a bit!).

From the first few minutes of my 1st date with DH I knew he was the one - it just felt so different to any other date I'd been on. 6 years on and we are happily married

@Hufflypuf

From the first few minutes of my 1st date with DH I knew he was the one - it just felt so different to any other date I'd been on. 6 years on and we are happily married

Yep, exactly how I felt. It was just different.

How can you say he's the one, and then add 'you'll probably fall in love, given time'.

How can you think he's the one if you don't love him currently, and you're just figuring that you might at some point?

It's great you're having fun and enjoying his company. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the start of my relationship with my partner when he text me beautiful messages instead of just telling me he's done a massive poo - the start of a relationship is so lovely!

But don't run before you can walk. Take your time, and remember that even relationships that seem perfect can go wrong, and that's not just me being negative. By all means enjoy this time and I hope things go well and you're still together in 40 years - but just relax and don't place all your expectations on it :).

Be careful and look out for yourself! Don’t want to be coming here all grim and negative, but if you asked me a week ago I would have been posting something almost identical. Now for 4 days he’s been “ghosting” me—ignoring me while posting on social media, etc. Nothing happened, no fight—guess he just decided he didn’t feel the same, but doesn’t feel morally obliged to let me know. We even have a date in the diary, which I imagine he won’t be attending.

Be careful and look out for yourself—for every “we got married!” there are a dozen “it nosedived”.

Good luck, I hope it works out!

Responses on these threads are rife with confirmation bias, because the people who tend to reply are the ones who locked eyes across a crowded room, moved in together within a week, and are happily about to hit their 30th wedding anniversary. The people who felt they ‘knew’ immediately, and were equally excited and certain until (a) they got bored (b) he turned out to be married (c) they grew apart (d) he ditched her for her brother etc etc don’t tend to say ‘I just knew!’ Because they did ‘just know’, until...

It’s perfectly possible this will prove to be a good, happy, longlasting relationship for you, OP. But it’s also possible it won’t — I don’t think that anything you’re feeling after 7/8 dates is any kind of foolproof indicator.