to be convinced this early that he's 'the one'

[pineopard]

When I say 'the one' I simply mean that I think he's the one I've been looking for, that I could settle down with, and probably fall in love with in time. I've had a small number relationships and have a son. My son's dad was abusive and I haven't dated for quite a long time. Got back in to the dating game. Went on dates with 4 people before meeting current guy. We've been on 7/8 dates over 2 or so months. We both have our 'baggage' but have been very honest with each other from the start, which has been a relief, and refreshing for the both of us. I can feel myself already developing quite strong feelings for him, and I'm finding it quite unnerving (also exciting) that I feel this way so early on. I understand it is still very much the honeymoon period, however it just feels so... right. I don't think any relationship I've had has felt like it clicked so well before.

Am I getting ahead of myself here? Is it normal to just 'know' when something is right?

I've done a huge amount of work on myself and know exactly what I do and don't want/need.

Did you feel like this at the start of your relationship?

@LindaEllen

How can you say he's the one, and then add 'you'll probably fall in love, given time'.

How can you think he's the one if you don't love him currently, and you're just figuring that you might at some point?

It's great you're having fun and enjoying his company. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the start of my relationship with my partner when he text me beautiful messages instead of just telling me he's done a massive poo - the start of a relationship is so lovely!

But don't run before you can walk. Take your time, and remember that even relationships that seem perfect can go wrong, and that's not just me being negative. By all means enjoy this time and I hope things go well and you're still together in 40 years - but just relax and don't place all your expectations on it :).

You've definitely misquoted me there!

@Plesky

Responses on these threads are rife with confirmation bias, because the people who tend to reply are the ones who locked eyes across a crowded room, moved in together within a week, and are happily about to hit their 30th wedding anniversary. The people who felt they ‘knew’ immediately, and were equally excited and certain until (a) they got bored (b) he turned out to be married (c) they grew apart (d) he ditched her for her brother etc etc don’t tend to say ‘I just knew!’ Because they did ‘just know’, until...

It’s perfectly possible this will prove to be a good, happy, longlasting relationship for you, OP. But it’s also possible it won’t — I don’t think that anything you’re feeling after 7/8 dates is any kind of foolproof indicator.

Totally agree. Still very much open to the fact that he may not be the one I end up with. I'm just daydreaming out loud, I guess.

I think you feel what you feel and I don't think anyone else needs to tell you otherwise. You know how you feel.
I don't trust easy so I envy people who can feel this way so easily!
Enjoy it

@PivotPivott

I think you feel what you feel and I don't think anyone else needs to tell you otherwise. You know how you feel. I don't trust easy so I envy people who can feel this way so easily! Enjoy it

Definitely don't trust him yet. Not because I think he's untrustworthy, but because I don't put my trust in anyone I don't know very very well.

i met my late husband when he was helping out a community group i was involved with, we had only said a few words to each other, i heard that he usually did not have any food left on a friday night before he got his benefit money, i took up a few things and we sat and chatted all through the night and went for a walk in the morning and he kissed me, i moved in that day and we stayed together, got married and had 1 son, he was 18 years older than me and we had 20 years together before he died at the age of 57, he was my soul mate, if it feels right then go for it, i am glad i did.

@nexus63

i met my late husband when he was helping out a community group i was involved with, we had only said a few words to each other, i heard that he usually did not have any food left on a friday night before he got his benefit money, i took up a few things and we sat and chatted all through the night and went for a walk in the morning and he kissed me, i moved in that day and we stayed together, got married and had 1 son, he was 18 years older than me and we had 20 years together before he died at the age of 57, he was my soul mate, if it feels right then go for it, i am glad i did.

I'm so sorry you lost your lovely husband

After our 2nd date I told my mum this is the man I am going to marry. He told me later that he felt the same way. I have no idea why I don't really know what it was about him that made me so sure, we had no deep and meaningful conversations, just 2 ordinary dates chatting. But I knew he was 'the one' no doubts at all, I just knew that he was the person I had been waiting for. We dated for 2 1/2 years before we married and have celebrated our 38th anniversary. I still feel exactly the same about him.

My XH was The One. I fell madly in love very early on, as did he, and we had a perfect relationship, of the kind that others envy. Everyone used to say we lit up in one another's presence. We were besotted.

Until he wasn't and left me. It is much much harder when they are your One, but you aren't theirs.

I think sometimes you just know. I knew on our first date, although I had met him briefly a couple of times before then. We've just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.

My grandparents, who had the most gloriously happy 60-year marriage, knew instantly too. They met at a dance, Grandpa dashing in his army uniform - he walked in, saw Grannie looking radiant and decided then and there she was his future wife. She filled her dance card with his name and they married as the war was ending. I love that story!

Wishing you every happiness OP

Yes after first date told sister he was the one I’d marry. Had dated many times before and had several long term relationships before this, been in love etc. But with him I just ‘knew’. I was right and here we are 15 years on. But I agree don’t rush. I didn’t tell him I felt like that and played it cool for quite some time

Knew the first night. Been together a decade😂

But! I still tell people to be careful and to be safe in case trouble arise. So no quick pregnancy or job leaving etc. Have bit of savings. You know. Common sense? Being careful doesn't mean not enjoying the feeling so enjoy it😁

I knew my ex was 'the one' very soon as well. He said the same about me. Many many times. Everyone told us how happy we looked, how you could see how much we adored each other just by looking at us. Until, 2.5 years in, he ghosted me for 5 days then told me he hated my kids and it was over.

Now for 4 days he’s been “ghosting” me—ignoring me while posting on social media, etc

What a spineless twit! It's got to be the worst feeling ever. Take care of yourself. And do the 'no contact' on him.

Until, 2.5 years in, he ghosted me for 5 days then told me he hated my kids and it was over.

And other one..

Awful behaviour.

You have not had sex, not confided about your intamcy issues, he has a medical condition that you imply will causes challenges around intamcy, you don't trust him at this stage, you don't know how he will react around your child. Just a few things you have said. And you have met him 7 times.

If you know he's the one without those elements in your relationship then good luck. But why do you have to even wonder if he is the one. Why not just enjoy and let it develop. Good luck. We're only cynical because we are trying to remember what it felt like

I knew my husband was 'the one' the first time I saw him and I told everybody I knew 😂 7 years later, we have our own house, we're married and have a baby on the way.

When you know, you know. ❤️

For every person who knew they were the one, there is a hundred others who thought the same and found out they weren’t.

@Bluntness100

For every person who knew they were the one, there is a hundred others who thought the same and found out they weren’t.

Exactly this.

OP - it's great that you are getting on so well and feel very compatible. But please don't let this blind you to the real person he is. He may be "the one" - he may just be "the one for now".

Have a quick skim through MN. Plenty of threads that start "My DP/DH is my soulmate and I want to be with him for ever - he is so perfect in every way except ".

@Bluntness100

For every person who knew they were the one, there is a hundred others who thought the same and found out they weren’t.

That's exactly why i say that safety should never be compromised. If it turns out shit, you tell him/her to fuck off. If it turns out great no harm done.

Our old neighbour knew a first sight. They died recently and they’d been together 60 years. He proposed on their second date and she said no as she thought she was too young at 17. They waited 8 months till she was 18 then got engaged and married in the same month. I’ve never met anyone who completed each other in the way they did.

After my first date with dh I told me friend "I've met the man I'm going to marry" 2 years later we did in February that will be 25 years ago.

We still took the time to get to know each other but i knew he was the one i would end up with.

Never told him (his head would swell to unmeasurable proportions)

I knew by about 3 weeks in. There was no dramatic eyes locking and falling deeply in love instantly or anything I just felt instantly very comfortable with him. Knew we worked well together and could imagine being able to compromise well with him when inevitably we would come across things we'd handle differently.

Our early relationship moved quickly as we met through me moving into a shared house he already lived in so we were living together before we even were together! Still took it pretty slow, moved into our own flat sharing with a friend after about 7 months, took over the rent after a year or 2. Married after 5 years, baby born just after 6 and now we have been together almost 10 years and married for nearly 5.

But I have very little other dating experience, I was never able to feel comfortable with anyone unless I could honestly see a future with them and couldn't just stay in a relationship because I liked them and it was fun, I needed the promise of a possible future. He was the first person I felt that with.

Positive after a fortnight, didnt do anything for a year though

I knew my husband was the one after a couple of dates - and as it turned out I was right.
BUt
I'd had several relationships where I knew pretty quickly that they wouldn't be long term relationships. Then I met someone I really thought was the one. 3 months in, I realised how possessive and jealous he was and that made my life a misery and I got out.

So in my experience, I think you can know very quickly that someone could be the one, but you need a decent amount of time to see how the relationship plays out a few months down the line.

I knew I was going to marry him as soon as he walked through the door, before we even spoke, poor lad didn't stand a chance. We've been married 55 years.