Menopause and feeling anxious

[WinchesForFinches]

So yet another headline wrotttn by a journalist who is experiencing menopause has popped up on my timeline along the lines of “no one told me I’d go mad at 45” I didn’t read it because I’d have to pay for that privilege.

I’m nearly 42 and hurtling towards menopause myself. I’m anxious and dreading it. All I ever hear is how awful it is, how much of a forgetful, useless, unattractive, invisible psychopath who is of no requirement to society that I am likely to become.

AIBU to wish there was more information out there about this that wasn’t so anxiety inducing? I already have no self esteem no self confidence and absolutely hate my appearance which is something that’s been with me my entire life but increasingly worse as I get older and I’m being told left right and centre that this is only going to get worse and I’m going to be scrapped like a run down old car.

I am a victim to my hormones already, I’ve never been able to safely use hormonal contraceptives because they mess my body and mind up so badly.

I just hate this. Can anyone put a positive spin on this thread?

I can’t help but I feel the same. I’ve always had terrible pmt and it’s getting worse (I’m 42 too) and my stepmum said I’d probably have a terrible menopause because of this. It’s really scary.

I thought this was a thread about feeling anxious in the menopause! Which is exactly what is happening to me. Sorry, I’m peri menopausal and haven’t got a good thing to say about it. 😔

I haven’t been through menopause yet. However several of my friends have been through it and they all said it was not that bad. That the symptoms are very overstated and now they are done they love the fact of no more messy periods and their sex lives have improved.

My anxiety has heightened in menopause, never had it before

I am 50, I have not had a period for a couple of years at least so slightly early menopause.

I think I had hot flushes, but I was always a little prone to over heating anyway so I am not sure if I was just more aware of it because I was looking for symptoms.

Otherwise, nothing changed at all other than periods stopped which is fantastic. My periods used to be really heavy so the last few years when they got much lighter and shorter, that was brilliant too.

Menopause has been great for me. I know it isn’t for everyone but I am surely not alone.

I went into early menopause after chemo. I've had ten years on Tamoxifen. Last period was 3 years ago. I've had hot flushes, night sweats feeling cold, memory has definitely got worse. Mood swings which I manage by yoga and meditation.

Good news is I haven't put on weight though I do a lot of exercise and eat healthy.

Everyone's experience is different.

Why so grumpy about having to pay to read an article? Did you not used to pay for newspapers in the days before free internet news? I mention this because it’s an illustration of what seems like you being very negative about things in life which really should not make you feel that way.

Menopause is written about very widely these days and is much less of a taboo. I think that Meg Matthews has done some quite interesting work on the subject. Look up Mariella Frostrup too. As a positive spin, please be thankful that you are here and the menopause is your only health issue. I got very sad about turning 45 and my husband said “think about it this way- it’s better than not turning 45 isn’t it?” Do you have any friends or family you could spend time with to stop the cycle of anxiety and fretting?

I've been through it and it wasn't that bad. My GP wouldn't treat me - he said I should "put up with it, like his wife" - but it's really nothing to dread.

I have had problems with my hormones all my life, had terrible pmt with awful mood swings.
I was early with the menopause and started on hrt (due to being 43) and I've felt the best I have ever done in a long while. I'm much calmer, have loads of energy and sex is good.
My sister breezed through without any help and has been totally unaffected.

Is this in today's Guardian? If so it's an interesting read.

At my age, I assume I have had most of the menopause and, yes, there have been some changes mainly around my sleep and being very hot which is odd for me. I really wouldn't worry about it but do start losing weight if you need to as that gets harder and eat and drink good healthy stuff as I am definitely worse if I gave had sugary food, alcohol etc.

I’m very happy that some people know people who’ve had some easier experiences but please don’t minimise the feelings of thousands of women by stating that symptoms very overstated.
They are not.

Op - my periods have been awful all my life and like you I couldn’t even take contraception due to the hormonal impact it had on me.
I’m perimeni now at 44 and have been taking medication for 5 months because I was just not prepared to live my life for the next 10 years barely coping.
The medication has helped and I’m getting a handle on it all.
You will need to advocate for yourself and seek help and that can be difficult when you feel overwhelmed just getting out of bed in the morning some days.
Unfortunately as women, our struggle is real and we can’t opt out.

please don’t minimise the feelings of thousands of women by stating that symptoms very overstated. They are not.

That’s what my four friends told me who have been through menopause. It’s not intending to minimise anything, that was their lived experience. The whole point of this thread is to share different experiences.

Thank you for the responses. I think it was The Times but it sold me I’d have to pay £9.99 a month so I’ve got enough outgoings without that just now.

I have read things from people like Meg Matthews, Caitlin Moran, Jenny Eclaire and they haven’t always really helped.

I do need to shift some weight and will continue to do so (which is already work in very very slow hard progress!!)

But I’m scared of losing control, because I’ve always found hormones very difficult to manage. It’s a scary uncertain place and it feels as though someone has stolen the last 10 years and just suddenly flung me into middle age! I’ve 3 DC so I know time goes by in a flash but I just don’t know where they’ve gone. And of course this year has been exceptional so I just feel tha

Oops...

I just feel that time is spiralling at 1000mph and I’m not ready for the remainder of my 40s yet!

Of course I know the old chestnut of “it’s a gift to live this long” but I don’t really like having my feelings invalidated like that. It just makes me feel a bit more hopeless.

On the plus sides, the change in hormone levels often means we're less inclined to people-pleasing. I've quite enjoyed some of my increased grumpiness and not-giving-a-shit. Liberating. Feels a bit like a super power.

@PlanDeRaccordement

please don’t minimise the feelings of thousands of women by stating that symptoms very overstated. They are not.

That’s what my four friends told me who have been through menopause. It’s not intending to minimise anything, that was their lived experience. The whole point of this thread is to share different experiences.

Maybe wait til you get there yourself and see how that works out for you?

I assumed I'd breeze through the menopause with my good diet and regular exercise. Nope. Menopause is not discussed enough and women are patted on the head and approved of for not having inconvenient symptoms. Fuck that.

I’m in peri menopause and it’s pretty awful. I started early too so I hope it’s over soon. Can’t take many more years of this! I haven’t put on weight but they say if you go into it in a healthy weight range that helps. I have fatigue, anxiety, low moods etc etc I wish I had something positive to say!

I'm very confident, self assured, no history of MH, yet the menopause has floated me. I had dreadful anxiety attacks to the point of affecting my eye sight and making me faint. It didn't cross my mind that anxiety could cause such symptoms, so I became totally freaked out that something very bad was happening. I'm now 2 years into it and feel much better, anxiety almost gone just left with very bad sleep.

BUT, my very anxious friend, with history of MH went through it with no symptoms at all and actually saw her anxiety getting better.

The positive spin for me is that as I start to feel better I am really starting to enjoy life again, having made adjustments that are much better for me.

Why I've learned is also to accept it, the worse part of anxiety is the fear that comes from being anxious. Once I let it come knowing that it would go, it got better.

And of course, there is hrt that does wonder for the majority of women who take it.

Maybe wait til you get there yourself and see how that works out for you?

Of course. Now are you going to similarly chastise other posters who are approaching menopause and have mentioned how their friends got on? Including the OP herself?

I'm 48. I had a hysterectomy a few years ago so obviously don't have periods any more but i'm almost certainly menopausal, or peri-menopausal.

I have had two shortlived bouts of anxiety/depression since my hysterectomy, having never really been an anxious person before. A few things which have helped me - getting out in the fresh air for a walk, or even just sitting on a bench in the park whenever you can. The Headspace app for mindfulness. And just being aware that it's probably your hormones and that you're not going mad. HRT is an option, depending on your individual situation.

@IheartJKR

Please don’t minimise the feelings of thousands of women by stating that symptoms are overstated

Nobody has done that. Some people, like myself, have stated that they did not have a bad experience and highlighted what they found positive. OP asked for some individual experiences.

I didn't have any peri menopausal symptoms, but when I hit the actual menopause, I hit it at 100mph.
I'm not having flushes, but the tiredness, oh lord, the tiredness and lethargy 😭
My daughter actually marched me to the doctor because my family thought I'd got dementia, thankfully oestrogen sorted that out.
My doctor (female ) specialises in the menopause and told me that my mirena coil was actually helping me through the menopause, so didn't need HRT, just the oestrogen.
At least now I can remember the basics, such as what my kids are called 😳
Everyone is different op. Some women have a terrible time of it, others seem to sail through it.

@thedevilinablackdress

On the plus sides, the change in hormone levels often means we're less inclined to people-pleasing. I've quite enjoyed some of my increased grumpiness and not-giving-a-shit. Liberating. Feels a bit like a super power.

^^This - with bells on 👿

@PlanDeRaccordement

I haven’t been through menopause yet. However several of my friends have been through it and they all said it was not that bad. That the symptoms are very overstated and now they are done they love the fact of no more messy periods and their sex lives have improved.

the symptoms are very overstated

This^^

They are not. This is minimising the very real

struggle thousands of women go through...from someone whose ‘friends’ told them...so not even her own lived experience.

@Florencex