Menopause and feeling anxious

[WinchesForFinches]

So yet another headline wrotttn by a journalist who is experiencing menopause has popped up on my timeline along the lines of “no one told me I’d go mad at 45” I didn’t read it because I’d have to pay for that privilege.

I’m nearly 42 and hurtling towards menopause myself. I’m anxious and dreading it. All I ever hear is how awful it is, how much of a forgetful, useless, unattractive, invisible psychopath who is of no requirement to society that I am likely to become.

AIBU to wish there was more information out there about this that wasn’t so anxiety inducing? I already have no self esteem no self confidence and absolutely hate my appearance which is something that’s been with me my entire life but increasingly worse as I get older and I’m being told left right and centre that this is only going to get worse and I’m going to be scrapped like a run down old car.

I am a victim to my hormones already, I’ve never been able to safely use hormonal contraceptives because they mess my body and mind up so badly.

I just hate this. Can anyone put a positive spin on this thread?

I found it tough but not very tough. The fatigue and anxiety were the worst symptoms - these went with HRT, which I’m guessing is not an option for you
My tip would be to start getting in shape now as weight harder to shift! And excercide!

I’m menopausal and didn’t have any significant symptoms, apart from periods stopping. I did get hot occasionally and did get a few night sweats for a few months, but that was it. I couldn’t take HRT either.

@TheNavigator

Nope. Menopause is not discussed enough and women are patted on the head and approved of for not having inconvenient symptoms. Fuck that.

I agree with this also.

Op, when your life has been dictated to you by your hormones and it impacts your life and those that you love, impending menopause can become frightening.
You may not have difficult symptoms but if you do their is help out there, please seek some. You deserve a more peaceful life.
Do you follow the menapause Doctor?

*there

Not too bad Im 47. My sleep is not great. Coil in so no bleeds. My anxiety wasnt great in work but a difficult boss which didnt help. Know friends that sailed through it! We all different.

Just spotted this in the Guardian (no paywall)
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/sep/22/weird-liberation-women-wild-truth-midlife-menopause

Just coming up to 49 now and no symptoms whatsoever......going forward with the hope that things will just stop and that will be that....probably wishful thinking lol! Never really had many problems hormonally my whole life though so you never know!

Nope. Menopause is not discussed enough and women are patted on the head and approved of for not having inconvenient symptoms. Fuck that.

agree. It is fucking awful for me, and many of my friends.

But OP wants positive stories: i don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me, what i look like, what i wear, what i do etc etc. I tell the youth to take their feet off the seats in trains and they do it. My steel grey hair gives me some leeway in a lot of things.
Catcalling has pretty much stopped which is lovely.

the downsides are several and various. But one that i didn't know about and it took me a while to work out what was going on is something I'm telling anyone who will listen. We all know about the hot flashes (and blimey, you can go from chilly and wearing a hoodie to boiling hot and needing to rip off all your clothes in literally 2 seconds) - but there is a feeling of high anxiety that i get from anything between one and 10 minutes before. Now I've learned to recognise the signs at least i can start taking off extra clothes in advance, which helps. But the anxiety and feeling of dread is devastating.

My anxiety was very much helped by going onto oestrogel (œstrogen gel). It stopped the insomnia and hot sweats plus a flatness of mood.

I tried to battle through using herbal stuff and Accupuncture but looking at the evidence it seemed that there was no logic in avoiding HRT.

I used Menopace to good effect (GP tried to warn me off though).

This channel is really good for menopause help and advice, Eileen I think her name is, is really lovely and has answered some questions via email from me too:

the symptoms are very overstated

I find this quite offensive. Some women do have a really easy menopause, others like me have a really rough ride and I accept that 6 years post meno I'm on HRT for the foreseeable future after a couple of failed attempts to come off. Denying the reality that is the menopause for many women does us no favours.

The menopause cost me my career but it has also given me the freedom to step off the career ladder, to reassess what is important to me and now that the symptoms are under control to enjoy my life again.

the symptoms are very overstated

Yes, this gave me the menopausal rage. Nice bit of patronising dismissiveness from a woman who hasn't even been through the menopause yet - way to go sister!

I wouldn't wish a crap meno on any woman, but I fear if that poster lucks out with a fairly straightforward one she may implode with her smugness towards the sweaty, anxious, less fortunate.

I hit an early meno after the first dose of chemo, I was on Arimidex/Tamoxifen for 5 years so not sure if it was the meno or those bastard drugs. Whatever, it turned me into a raving lunatic. Although I never had any problem with my periods, & I had no idea what other women were talking about when they mentioned PMT .... But looking on the bright side, you will win any argument hands down. You may want to kill everyone, but over a decade I managed to come through the other side by some miracle without killing anyone, hopefully you will too. You may do things that you would never dream of doing, quite outrageous things 😳 It's an emotional rollercoaster & an experience not to miss. Hold tight!

I said my friends who have been through menopause said that the symptoms are very overstated

It was not my statement, it’s what they have said to me and they have been through menopause. That was their reality. It doesn’t negate the reality that menopause can be difficult, that was not my intent. As I a, sure those of you posting about difficult menopause are not saying that an easy menopause doesn’t exist.

The OP is anxious and surely it is a good thing to tell her about how menopause is not a horrible ordeal for all women. It can be, but it also may not be.

It’s like some women have easy pregnancies and others have hard ones.

I’ve said to OP that my friends had easy menopause. Other posters have said theirs was easy as well. Why am I being targeted like this?

The OP is anxious and surely it is a good thing to tell her about how menopause is not a horrible ordeal for all women. It can be, but it also may not be.

we owe it to the OP (despite her plea for the good stories) to be honest. And the simple truth is that the menopause has left me almost suicidal at times.

I guess I was "lucky" I skipped perimenopause and radiotherapy put me straight into it.

Tbh it wasn't a big deal for me. I was 41 (42 now). I got a few hot flushes but I started HRT and they went away within a few days.

I was worried about HRT and gaining weight but that's not happened.

Now the side effects from chemo and radio have mostly gone, I don't feel any different to how I did before really. Just no periods anymore.

For those who can take it please investigate & think about HRT
I promise it will change your life

When do they normally suggest HRT? I had tests and the doctor said I’m in peri menopause. I saw someone privately. I actually have no idea when you are meant to start it? Post menopause?

I'm 57 and postmenopausal. I found perimenopause rough because my periods started being more frequent, close to a 3 week cycle and I had large fibroids and heavy bleeding. Mirena helped me with that. I had periods when I'd go through hot flushes daily, then they'd suddenly go again. They were a minor nuisance to me, that's all.I don't get them at all now. Obviously everyone is different in that regard.

You can start peri- and it does help with symptoms. Here's a useful booklet by a doctor who really knows her stuff.

d2931px9t312xa.cloudfront.net/menopausedoctor/files/information/483/Perimenopause%20and%20HRT%20with%20link.pdf

The more we know what we might have to deal with, the better as far as I am concerned. I knew about the possibility of changes in my cycle and hot flushes. I knew that I might have problems controlling my weight. I had no idea that hot flushes could include utterly drenching night sweats. I had no idea that I could end up with a ridiculously short fuse or burst into tears for no reason. I had no idea that I might feel really low. These things crept up on me and I didn't suspect peri menopause. Never had much in the way of PMT so had no reason to suspect fluctuating hormones for my moods. I finally did some research and realised all the crap I had been dealing with could be to do with menopause. Thankfully I am OK to take HRT and it has made an almost instant difference.

Abraid2 Thank you. My old doctor was horrible and he didn’t want to help at all- I also have endometriosis and hypothyroidism. Maybe that’s why it’s so bad. Thanks very much for your help.

If you have endo it might be a more complicated process for you to get HRT milly as they may want to treat it first? I'd try and see a menopause specialist if you possibly can. The practice in the leaflets is very good--I've had experience of several doctors there. Here's another one. :)

d2931px9t312xa.cloudfront.net/menopausedoctor/files/information/519/Endometriosis%20Fact%20Sheet%20A4%20.pdf

I'm finding that being peri menopausal + bad monthly pmt + global pandemic is sending my anxiety through the roof

I am still having regular but sometimes heavy periods which ended up having to have investigations for. No hot flushes.

Friend encouraging me to see GP to get hrt but I think I need more symptoms.