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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scolding Bug Killing Child

102 replies

Suzy8920 · 21/09/2020 22:18

So I was at the park with my youngest and we were walking along the path when we came across a snail. My daughter, who'll be 4 in a few weeks, saw it and deliberately stomped on the snail.

I found myself scolding the child for squashing it but then I started thinking that I deliberately squash bugs myself quite often - usually spiders and moths in my home though, not outside.

I think I reprimanded her more so for how she brutally stomped on it outside but now I'm not sure if I'm being a hypocrite sending mixed signals cause I've squished a lot of spiders to death in front of her.

Was I unreasonable or would you have a similar reaction to your child deliberately squishing a bug like this?

OP posts:
DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda · 21/09/2020 22:23

I would, but then I wouldn't squash a spider deliberately myself. Then again, I've used a fly swat before, so I guess it's all a question of degree!
I think it's maybe different if the bug is in its own domain minding its own business than if it's gone into your house, but although that logic might satisfy a 4 year old I guess it doesn't really make sense from the bug's perspective...
Sorry, no wisdom here, but you're not alone.

pinkstripeycat · 21/09/2020 22:23

You are not being unreasonable but you also need to stop killing spiders and other bugs otherwise your DD will not learn to be kind to even the smallest creatures. Out for walks in the rain I used to encourage my 2 DCs to save the snails and we’d pick them up and put them on the grass or over a wall. I have never killed any bug or creature - not even wasps or flies and I loath them. I’ll always try and encourage them outside or catch in a glass to free them. Interesting fact: indoor spiders eat all the dust mites that live on your floor and behind the skirting so are good for the home

BillywilliamV · 21/09/2020 22:26

Just stop killing things, no excuse for killing anything. Mankind is wiping out our fellow creatures at a terrifying rate, without you joining in, stop it!!

Oneborneverydecade · 21/09/2020 22:28

Yes you're unreasonable for killing spiders and yes I would have had a similar reaction to my child squishing a snail.

SionnachRua · 21/09/2020 22:29

I think yanbu on balance and would also say to stop killing spiders.

However it feels a bit redundant if you also eat meat (also a meat eater, I'm not being smug). By all means save the spiders - your kid is only 3 so doubtful they're reading into it like this - but it's not a particularly cohesive message, you know?

midlifecrash · 21/09/2020 22:33

I've seen kids this age do this or squish ladybirds etc, I do think it's important to let them know that it's not a good thing or something "funny" like a cartoon. They do grow out of it

MarthasGinYard · 21/09/2020 22:37

YABU

She probably gets it from you

Awful

Namechangearoo · 21/09/2020 22:42

Why do you kill moths and spiders in your house? Even if you’re terrified of them, if you’re getting close enough to squash them then you’re capable of putting them in a glass to release or using one of those bug hoover things to pick them up and deposit outside. Obviously she has picked up this horrible habit from you so you need to stop it. Now.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 21/09/2020 22:44

Spiders and snails outside - you are in their "house" so pass on by.
Spiders, ants, flies, etc. in your house. Kill! KILL! STOMP, SWAT, AND SPRAY.

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/09/2020 22:45

Have we not had a thread like this before????

NP or NC

WunWun · 21/09/2020 22:45

Is be livid if my child did this, but then she wouldn't because I've brought her up with my values.

Time2change2 · 21/09/2020 22:46

Yes you should tell your child off for killing an innocent creature. Even more so if it wasn’t even in the house! There would be some extremely stern talks to any of mine if they had done that and actually I would be concerned as to why they think it’s ok at nearly 4 to willing kill a creature.
Do not kill bugs in front of your children- teach them that each live is precious and we value all things even flies and spiders! Just shoo them out or capture in a glass and out them outside!
My kids now are a few years older but would be mortified if they saw any bugs or creatures being hurt. You can never instill too much empathy in your children!

MsStillwell · 21/09/2020 22:48

A hyphen would have made all the difference.

MamaGothel · 21/09/2020 22:48

I probably would have (mildly) told her off as well. I'm not above killing a bug in my house but it feels mean to do it outside where they belong.

ChocolateCoffeeCake · 21/09/2020 22:49

I read this completely wrong!! I thought you meant "a scolding bug (insect or infection) is killing my child" Shock

DimplesToadfoot · 21/09/2020 22:50

If you kill little critters yourself you can't scold your children for doing the same.

We give all our little visitors a name, ask them for rent and evict them when they don't pay, no need to kill them.

swashbucklecheer · 21/09/2020 22:51

I read the title and thought this was some insect borne disease that some poor child had died from. Blush I need to go to bed. Monday has been a long day.

EarringsandLipstick · 21/09/2020 22:51

@MsStillwell

A hyphen would have made all the difference.
😂😂 yes!
Mylittlepony374 · 21/09/2020 22:53

@MsStillwell
😂😂 Very very true

RIPworkingmums · 21/09/2020 22:54

I would’ve been cross too but then I wouldn’t kill anything myself. My partner does squish spiders but the children know I don’t approve and they always come to me first if they are being bothered by a bug (they’re both scared of spiders for some reason).

purpleme12 · 21/09/2020 22:55

I would tell my child off. But whereas before I had my child I probably would have stood on a spider or an ant, I've consciously stopped that. As I need to teach her the right way to behave

MsF1t · 21/09/2020 22:56

Is it not okay to kill clothes moths? I don't kill anything else, but I'm sick of finding holes in clothes, and beasties in my flour. 😬

Ranunculi · 21/09/2020 22:56

Most serial killers start by murdering small animals. You’ve set an example of killing other living creatures, why are you surprised that your child has followed your example?

FourPlasticRings · 21/09/2020 22:57

I make a distinction for where the mini East is. If it's in my house and I need it gone then I can do what I will. If I'm in its house I need to respect that and leave it alone.

Saying that, we generally do catch and release with spiders when DD is around.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 21/09/2020 22:57

I've been teaching mine to be excited about insects since she was teeny (now nearly 3). She knows to be gentle with them and we always stop and look at snails and beetles. I also don't kill spiders at home even though I am terrified of giant ones. I picked that up from my mum and I am buggered if she's going to learn that from me.