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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scolding Bug Killing Child

102 replies

Suzy8920 · 21/09/2020 22:18

So I was at the park with my youngest and we were walking along the path when we came across a snail. My daughter, who'll be 4 in a few weeks, saw it and deliberately stomped on the snail.

I found myself scolding the child for squashing it but then I started thinking that I deliberately squash bugs myself quite often - usually spiders and moths in my home though, not outside.

I think I reprimanded her more so for how she brutally stomped on it outside but now I'm not sure if I'm being a hypocrite sending mixed signals cause I've squished a lot of spiders to death in front of her.

Was I unreasonable or would you have a similar reaction to your child deliberately squishing a bug like this?

OP posts:
TheArtOfStoryTelling · 21/09/2020 23:32

Are all the people who would never ever kill a spider or a moth also vegetarians/vegans?

LimitIsUp · 21/09/2020 23:40

Glad it wasn't just me!

LouisBalfour · 21/09/2020 23:42

I would be furious if anyone killed a snail or a spider. It’s just cruel and unnecessary. At 4, your daughter should know better. Y

BlackSwan · 21/09/2020 23:42

Two totally different things - a kid stoping on a snail and an adult getting rid of pests. Perhaps it’s moral relativism... but I would take the opportunity to teach a lesson about the sanctity of life. I also wouldn’t hesitate to then smack a moth on the wall — because they offend the sanctity of my wardrobe

SweetPetrichor · 21/09/2020 23:45

I'd have given any child who wilfully kills a creature the bollocking of their life! And be thoroughly ashamed to have raised them to do that. It doesn't matter whether you're scared of them. Nothing else deserves to die just because you don't like them. A poor little spider has a short enough life without being squished for doing nothing wrong. I keep pet tarantulas and true spiders and the thought that someone squishes these beautiful things makes me want to weep.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 21/09/2020 23:45

@Ranunculi

Most serial killers start by murdering small animals. You’ve set an example of killing other living creatures, why are you surprised that your child has followed your example?
Oh ffs 🤣
user1481840227 · 21/09/2020 23:53

@Ranunculi

Most serial killers start by murdering small animals. You’ve set an example of killing other living creatures, why are you surprised that your child has followed your example?
Most serial killers have something seriously wrong going on in their head...that causes them to want to murder....and they start out by doing it to small animals because they want to see what it's like to kill and they can't start off with people Confused.

Someone doesn't start down the path to serial-killerdom because a they kill something small because they saw their parent doing it..and then fall into the habit of killing things and suddenly start wanting to kill people Confused.

TheArtOfStoryTelling · 22/09/2020 00:02

I'm just imagining the people in this thread bollocking their kids for squashing a bug and and giving them a lecture about the sanctity of all life before sitting down for a nice roast chicken or a bacon sandwich.

MilkOfThePuppy · 22/09/2020 00:04

I'd explain that killing a bug that isn't harming anyone, outside, is not good. Bugs are part of nature, and they belong there. If she asks you why you kill bugs in the house, explain that it's different when they're in the house... because it is.

Where I live, there are spiders that can do serious damage. I don't feel a twinge of guilt over killing them. Nor do I feel sad when a fly, wasp, or mosquito meets an untimely end. But if a (non-sweater-eating) moth comes in the house, I wouldn't kill that. We're allowed to make judgement calls about when/if to kill insects, and at some point children have to learn that there's a grey area.

TitsOutForHarambe · 22/09/2020 00:16

The world can be a confusing place at that age: Pigs, cows, chickens and sheep are all killed so that we can eat them - or perhaps you don't eat them in your house, because it's wrong, but your friend does eat them and that's ok when she does it because we're all different and we shouldn't judge - if you judge them for doing this then you are sanctimonious and pushing your views onto others. Cockroaches, wasps, ants, flies, mice, rats etc are killed if found in or near the house. Cats and dogs and rabbits are part of our family (except the rabbits that get eaten, but that doesn't happen very often anymore). Some people in South East Asia eat their dogs, but that is because they are bad people, and we should stop them. People squashing spiders and moths are nasty and unkind. Stamping on snails is wrong. Salting slugs is fine though, so long as you are doing it to stop them from ruining your flowers. It's fine to spray poison on ants and aphids to kill them, again because you're protecting flowers. It is very important not to hurt flowers. Bees sting but you must not ever harm them because they're great. People who hunt foxes are evil, but not because they are killing the foxes - just because of the WAY they are killing the foxes.

How the hell are they supposed to know what's going on? There's a great South Park episode that deals with this. I can't remember the season but it's the one where Kyle's Uncle and his Vietnam Vet friend take the boys hunting, and the boys end up shooting ManBearPig after he's just saved a load of people from a volcano.

I think you need to have a think about it all and decide where you stand on all of this stuff, so that you can model what you think is good behaviour. Your line will be in a different place to other people's line. It's a choice we all have to make in life.

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 22/09/2020 00:31

I've told off my dc for very similar.

I don't kill spiders though. Not sure why you'd expect different behavior from dd vs what you've modeled for her?

TableFlowerss · 22/09/2020 00:35

I thunk don’t worry about it but I personally wouldn’t kill a spider. I pop a glass over it then pop paper underneath flip it up and take it outside. If you can get close enough to kill it then surely putting a glass over it is just as easy and kinder?!

TableFlowerss · 22/09/2020 00:36

I would also tell my dc off if they said can I kill this bug. There’s just no need to intentionally kill it when it’s not causing harm.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2020 00:39

Are all the people who would never ever kill a spider or a moth also vegetarians/vegans?

Well I am (vegetarian).

I would have scolded too. Why hurt/kill something for no reason? And in the case of (harmless) spiders actually do good.

Leaannb · 22/09/2020 00:39

So how many of you live with cockroacjes and rats?

Leaannb · 22/09/2020 00:40

@Mothership4two

Are all the people who would never ever kill a spider or a moth also vegetarians/vegans?

Well I am (vegetarian).

I would have scolded too. Why hurt/kill something for no reason? And in the case of (harmless) spiders actually do good.

Never been bit by a brown recluse or black widow, have you?
emptyshelvesagain · 22/09/2020 00:43

Well I mean she is 4. It's your job to teach her not to do these things, not wait until she dies and righten tell her off. That method of parenting, favoured by so many, absolutely baffles me.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2020 01:41

@Leaannb

That's why I said harmless spiders as opposed to venomous ones.

TitsOutForHarambe · 22/09/2020 02:04

Never been bit by a brown recluse or black widow, have you?

This is an interesting point. I live in a tropical climate that is absolutely rampant with venomous things that can get into your house, including a few deadly varieties of spiders. There is a divide here between those who kill spiders and those who do not. Personally I kill because I can do that in a second, and I am petrified that if I try to catch it and it gets away from me that it will end up biting my very young children, who due to their small size would possibly not make it to the hospital in time before they died from a bite. However there are loads of people here who never kill them because they think it's wrong. They catch and release (presumably the spider then runs straight back into your house, right?!). Snakes seem to be a bit different - most people just call the snake catcher. It's technically illegal to kill the snakes, despite the fact that they are extremely dangerous and do kill people with their bite. I don't know anyone who catches the snakes themselves, whether to kill them or release them, but I suspect that could be because it's a heck of a lot harder to rumble with a snake than it is a spider.

CloudyVanilla · 22/09/2020 02:14

I think it's awful tbh. Especially a little snail just out and about, poor guy had no chance :(

Not relating to your dd at all, just and anecdote, but I know someone who actively encouraged their DC to stomp in creepy crawlies. He is a right brute in other ways. It's just not fostering kindness.

My DD also instinctively stepped on a bug over the summer (she was also 4) and I didn't tell her off but I did express surprise and I explained to her why we don't harm creatures. It just doesn't set a good outlook on life IMO.

Suzi888 · 22/09/2020 02:28

Catch and release...

Strokethefurrywall · 22/09/2020 02:34

I'm just imagining the people in this thread bollocking their kids for squashing a bug and and giving them a lecture about the sanctity of all life before sitting down for a nice roast chicken or a bacon sandwich.

Hahah this!

OP, I live in the tropics and quite frequently have scorpions, roaches or centipedes in the house. Centipedes are the worst cos they're aggressive fuckers so they are swiftly captured and if not easy to capture, killed. Cockroaches die immediately. Scorpions are, for the most part, relocated safely.

Mosquitos are killed with zero remorse as are flies generally.

We, funnily enough, are not serial killers. Both my kids have a general fondness for all creatures great and small, including snails, hermit crabs, millipedes and snakes.

Just teach her not to do it again, I'm sure she'll learn. 4 year olds aren't know for their empathy!

NameXForThis · 22/09/2020 03:14

I would never kill an insect outdoors/in their natural environment.

Inside my home, however, anything poisonous or dangerous will be removed by the safest means (including killing if need be).

I am highly allergic to most insect bites, including mosquitoes, and have had severe reactions to spider and bull-ant bites. I'm also highly allergic to most antibiotics and pain killers - so if I'm bitten and react and it gets infected, it could be fatal.

In no way am I a serial killer nor have any psychopathic tendencies, but I do want to live..... I have also taught my DC that there is a difference between indiscriminate killing of any living thing, and the unfortunate need to protect those who are at risk like myself.

Discobomb7 · 22/09/2020 03:19

@Suzy8920 did you ask her why she did it?

I am not round of this but when I was about 10 I stomped on a ladybird. I don't know why I did it. I was feeling angry that day but I loved animals and was a sensitive child. Neurodiverse but not lacking in empathy really just impulsive.

My.dad was furious, rightly so. He stamped on my bare foot and when I went o uch, he replied "well that is what you did to the ladybird"

It worked. I learned my lesson haven't stomped on a creature deliberately since. I have rescue animals these days and look.after them better than I do myself and have campaigned against animal cruelty.

Discobomb7 · 22/09/2020 03:20

Proud, not round!