Partner ignored my birthday

[Mimi222]

So Friday was my birthday and partner was working half day as usual for a Friday,we didn’t have any plans for my birthday just takeaway instead of me cooking and maybe a film.. anyway he comes home and doesn’t say a word beyond “alright” when he first got in, DD woke up about an hour later from her nap and I I said to him have you forgot it’s my bday? He gave me a dirty look and said obviously not, and silenced ensued the rest of the night til I was really wound up- i wasn’t upset about not getting cards or gifts or a party I was genuinely upset that he couldn’t just cheer himself up say happy birthday give me a hug or something,and make a bit of effort so the 3 of us could have a nice night.
I said to him I feel horrible and unloved right now etc he went mad, saying it’s pathetic of me to be upset cause someone never said happy birthday,I tried to explain why that actually isn’t pathetic and how would he feel if he was completely ignored on a special occasion,but he said I was looking for an argument and I should F off and stop tying his and his daughters evening.
I spent the rest of the night upset and trying not to show it. It’s now day 4 of awkward silence and snappy answers and I need to know what others think here.
Am I in the wrong to be upset and to want to talk about it? I’ve spoken to him just now and his answer to all this is if I think he’s so bad he will just leave!

• want to point out that I haven’t been carrying a grudge for 4 days he literally isn’t responding to me and earlier he even took DD out without inviting me or telling me they were going and I just feel like I’m being ignored and left out by him,please help!

He sounds awful, I would be really upset as it sounds like he doesn't give a shit about you and is gaslighting you.

The only help I can give is to suggest you kick him out/leave yourself, I couldn't be with someone who treated and spoke to me like that

I'd dump this bloke. If he can't even give you a hug and a "Happy Birthday", then I don't think he actually cares about you.

Given the behaviour since Friday, then I would guess he's not a very nice person.

Have a good look at your relationship, taking any rose tinted specs off. I would bet this isn't the only poor behaviour from him that could be classed as abusive.

Thanks for replying quickly!
I guess being the one to stand up and decide that enough is enough and it’s over is scary, I actually love him he can be lovely but I’m starting to see a pattern where things are ok for a bit then shit for a bit,and gaslighting probably is what this is.

Firstly, a huge happy birthday for yesterday! I'm sorry it was so rubbish - you should grant yourself an honoury second birthday and do something you really love to celebrate. He can look after your DC while you treat yourself.

Secondly, it is not normal or OK that your partner ignored your birthday. This is the person who is supposed to love you and value you most in the world. Even in a bad mood, he should have been able to pull himself together and do something nice for your birthday.

If it were my partner I'd be sitting down to have a serious chat about how this has made me feel and what I need to feel loved and valued in a relationship. If they weren't at the very least willing to listen and try to improve, I'd be out of there.

I know that's easy to say and hard to do, especially when you have DC, but you deserve someone who makes you feel special and loved, especially on your birthday!

It's classic passive/aggressive behaviour.
Somehow you always end up having to defend yourself.

I bet he wouldn't accept this shit on his birthday?

Sorry op but it sounds like he has checked out already. He really went out of his way to make a point of hurting you, he even said to you he will leave. Sounds like he is just pushing you to leave or tell him to.

Please be fully aware that this will be the way it is for the rest of your life should you choose to stay with him.

No consideration, stonewalling, gaslighting, no respect, no appreciation.

Is this really what you want?

Sounds like he did forget your birthday, didn't like being pulled up on it and instead of owning it an apologising he makes it your fault instead. Wanker. A gaslighting sulky wanker.

OP, this is a controlling relationship, you are being abused into accepting bad behaviour and being punished when you do not comply.

Please leave - you do not deserve this abuse and you will see from reading the relationships board on here that this will only go one way - you will be ground down.

Do you have parents, siblings, friends, who you can call and who will help you leave and support you? What is your financial situation? It is much easier to leave with one child so please do not waste any more time on this man.

Kick him out. He’s being awful. Despicable behaviour towards you.

Why would anybody stand for this shit? It is not normal and he is treating you appallingly. You can't possibly be considering bringing up a child in this relationship. You know what you have to do.

Oh - and this is not what love looks like, and nor is this what a lovely man looks like.

Agree with pp, sounds like he is behaving in a way which will push you to finish the relationship.

Horrid! LTB

You still love him? Exactly what is there to love about him?

Anyone spoke to me like that it would be the last day (let alone birthday) I would be spending in their company. You deserve better

Thanks everyone,and not just for agreeing that he’s in the wrong but just pointing out that this is abusive I hadn’t thought of it as gaslighting or passive aggressive behaviour but really just reading a couple messages on here I have to agree,there’s been so many things I’ve just put up with and just got on with it for DD sake.
In terms of leaving I’d be pretty screwed for money,probably would need to stay at my mums for a bit. I also doubt he’d let me have DD and call the shots there, I can see it being a battle to separate. But I don’t want to battle for a wee bit of respect all my life.

If he says “if He’s that bad he’ll just leave” again, say yes ...

OP Happy Birthday for yesterday!

I agree with all the others, what do you mean he wouldn't let you have your DD? Are you the main carer? Is the house his? You really need to make plans for you and your DD to leave soon.

How incredibly low are your standards OP?!

What do you mean you doubt he’d ‘let’ you have your daughter?

Well! You should want to battle for a bit of respect. Are you going to teach your DD that respect is not worth the effort? Poor kid. Women are not worth respect. That will help her in life as a woman.

He sounds like a knob
He is sulking because he didn't buy you a present! Wow

Go stay with your Mum

@Nowstrong

Well! You should want to battle for a bit of respect. Are you going to teach your DD that respect is not worth the effort? Poor kid. Women are not worth respect. That will help her in life as a woman.

I said this as in I don’t want my daughter to watch me have to put up with such disrespect and have to deal with days of this treatment because I feel disrespected. Not that I’m not worthy of respect or no woman is..missed my point there I think.

I have been in a relationship like this and it does not improve. For a few days, then usually worse than before. I know it is hard, but I would honestly consider finishing with him.

What an absolute knob!