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Original poster

Partner ignored my birthday

73 replies

Mimi222 · 21/09/2020 17:03

So Friday was my birthday and partner was working half day as usual for a Friday,we didn’t have any plans for my birthday just takeaway instead of me cooking and maybe a film.. anyway he comes home and doesn’t say a word beyond “alright” when he first got in, DD woke up about an hour later from her nap and I I said to him have you forgot it’s my bday? He gave me a dirty look and said obviously not, and silenced ensued the rest of the night til I was really wound up- i wasn’t upset about not getting cards or gifts or a party I was genuinely upset that he couldn’t just cheer himself up say happy birthday give me a hug or something,and make a bit of effort so the 3 of us could have a nice night.
I said to him I feel horrible and unloved right now etc he went mad, saying it’s pathetic of me to be upset cause someone never said happy birthday,I tried to explain why that actually isn’t pathetic and how would he feel if he was completely ignored on a special occasion,but he said I was looking for an argument and I should F off and stop tying his and his daughters evening.
I spent the rest of the night upset and trying not to show it. It’s now day 4 of awkward silence and snappy answers and I need to know what others think here.
Am I in the wrong to be upset and to want to talk about it? I’ve spoken to him just now and his answer to all this is if I think he’s so bad he will just leave!

  • want to point out that I haven’t been carrying a grudge for 4 days he literally isn’t responding to me and earlier he even took DD out without inviting me or telling me they were going and I just feel like I’m being ignored and left out by him,please help!
OP posts:
Original poster
Mimi222 · 21/09/2020 17:42

@Dillydallyingthrough

OP Happy Birthday for yesterday!

I agree with all the others, what do you mean he wouldn't let you have your DD? Are you the main carer? Is the house his? You really need to make plans for you and your DD to leave soon.

Thank you, I’m a stay at home mum just now not earning a penny,house in both our names but he’s the bill payer really. I think he’s make a huge fuss about taking DD to my mums as it’s miles away from our home, it’s the potential “fighting” over her that I can’t bear to think about,and if he turns her against me etc my head spins to think of it all. I never wanted to have “incredibly low standards” or teach my daughter to put up with stuff like this but I also never aimed for her having a broken home. It’s just hard to realise and come to terms with all this and I thank most of you for being compassionate x
OP posts:
Essex16 · 21/09/2020 17:42

Oh OP, I’m sorry that’s happened. I know how shit it can be. You hope it’ll get better and it probably does for a bit then bang, back to feeling shit. If I were you I’d pack a few things and go with DD and stay with your parents/mum for a bit and see what happens. If you’re still holding out hope for a relationship, what happens during that time will show you the answer hopefully. Good luck!

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2020 17:44

He's willing to go?

Let him. In fact, I'd help him pack, just to be sure.

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2020 17:46

Are you her main carer? There will be no 'letting' you have her. She goes with you.

And look and see what benefits you are entitled to. Can you go back to work?

Original poster
Mimi222 · 21/09/2020 17:47

@Nanny0gg

He's willing to go?

Let him. In fact, I'd help him pack, just to be sure.

I really think he says this in a ‘boo-hop’ to me type of way,probably hoping I beg he stays!

It probably doesn’t make sense but I feel like if I’m the one who throws him out or if I leave then I’m the one whose broken our family up and it’s my fault I’ll be a single mum etc and I’m just sitting wondering what I did wrong to even be in this position

OP posts:
diggadoo · 21/09/2020 17:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

MissMudskipper · 21/09/2020 17:50

OP you deserve so much better than that! What an absolute knob! Take your daughter and get yourself off to your mums. You don't deserve to live like that. He sounds like he has zero respect for you. How would he feel if someone treated your daughter like that?!

Happy birthday my lovely!! Flowers

madcatladyforever · 21/09/2020 17:50

What shocking behaviour, it sounds to me as if he really doesn't want to be in this relationship.
You may not have to leave, it looks like he looking for the slightest excuse.
Don't have sex with him anymore and tell him yes you'd love him to leave thank you because you don't love him anymore.
He doesn't get to decided who gets DD that's up to a court to decide so he can get stuffed with his bullying shit.

MissMudskipper · 21/09/2020 17:52

"I’m just sitting wondering what I did wrong to even be in this position"

You have done NOTHING wrong except falling in love with someone who doesn't value you as much as you do him. A relationship takes two.

Original poster
Mimi222 · 21/09/2020 17:54

@Nanny0gg

Are you her main carer? There will be no 'letting' you have her. She goes with you.

And look and see what benefits you are entitled to. Can you go back to work?

I would have to sort childcare and things I think with “all that’s going on just now” getting back in work would be hard,not impossible though. Would be a lot of change for DD living in a new place,less money for nice things but my own mum struggled after my dad left and although a lot of my childhood was a right-off, I have grew up into a respectful person and as long as DD as morals and self respect and confidence then that’s all that matters(that and her safety) so I’m going to have to make moves I can’t ignore it all this time x
OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 21/09/2020 17:58

It won't be your fault you're a single mum, it'll be thanks to your own strength you're freeeeee! Not suggesting it'll be a walk in the park, but imagine not having to spend your time placating this loser.

You ended up like this because like many men he's very skilled at appearing charming and normal human being-y until he has you exactly where he wants you.

cakewench · 21/09/2020 17:59

If you're her main carer, he isn't going to be calling the shots there.

This is awful. I'm so sorry. I know it's tough to leave but it will be a relief when it's done.

Also, happy birthday!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 21/09/2020 18:30

It is not your fault you are a single parent. It is his fault for being such a pathetic excuse for a human being.
His next step will be to turn your DD against you. He has already started by taking her out without telling you or inviting you. He is showing her that you are not important and not a part of their "circle".
There are things worse than a broken home. A broken mother is worse that a broken home. Please gather your courage and do it for her.

popcornlover · 21/09/2020 18:32

Why didn’t you take control and organize a celebration? Get everyone in the party spirit? You must have noticed he was a miserable so and so before this, surely?

daytripper28 · 21/09/2020 18:33

I'd say to him 'Make sure you shut the door on your way out!'

What a horrible man.

1FootInTheRave · 21/09/2020 18:39

Make no mistake, this man does not love you. He doesn't particularly like you by the sound of it.

Get rid asap.

tenlittlecygnets · 21/09/2020 18:41

I was genuinely upset that he couldn’t just cheer himself up say happy birthday give me a hug or something,and make a bit of effort so the 3 of us could have a nice night

OP, reading this made me want to cry. This is your partner: he's supposed to love you above everyone else and always have your back! Yet he could not be bothered to say happy birthday or get you a card or tiny gift, or even - most important - be nice to you on your birthday? What a giant pile of steaming shit he is.

What do you normally do for his birthday? I bet you treat him a lot better.

He's showing you what he thinks of you. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, remember that. Will this be how he deals with DD when she's older and she does something he doesn't like? Is this the model of a relationship you want DD to see?

I feel like if I’m the one who throws him out or if I leave then I’m the one whose broken our family up and it’s my fault I’ll be a single mum etc and I’m just sitting wondering what I did wrong to even be in this position

Nope, not your fault at all. You did nothing wrong!

You did not break up your marriage. He did, by treating you with a shocking last of respect.

And being single is surely a million times better than living with a dickhead like that. You deserve SO much better. And so does your dd. Flowers

glassshoes · 21/09/2020 18:43

This happened me once, some years ago. I am now with a much, much nicer man. You deserve better than this, and your DD deserves better than to see this as the way to be treated. Flowers

willowmelangell · 21/09/2020 18:49

Tell him, "I've been thinking about how you treat me and I have decided to take you up on your offer to leave."
He will either back track or come out with something that shows he has put some thought and planning into into what he said.
He has clearly made the point to you that he would/could go to his mums. Would his mum put him up for long or send him back after a night or two?

Original poster
Mimi222 · 21/09/2020 18:51

@GeorgiaGirl52

It is not your fault you are a single parent. It is his fault for being such a pathetic excuse for a human being. His next step will be to turn your DD against you. He has already started by taking her out without telling you or inviting you. He is showing her that you are not important and not a part of their "circle". There are things worse than a broken home. A broken mother is worse that a broken home. Please gather your courage and do it for her.
Thanks for this. I was imagining her spending time with him away from me and him filling her head with crap but you’ve made me realise he’s doing this right in front of me. I don’t know where to start here at all
OP posts:
Original poster
Mimi222 · 21/09/2020 18:56

@popcornlover

Why didn’t you take control and organize a celebration? Get everyone in the party spirit? You must have noticed he was a miserable so and so before this, surely?
We were going to celebrate quietly at home,I couldn’t have known he’d walk in from work in that mood. And After you’ve had a death stare for reminding of your birthday you kinda lose the party spirit yourself.
OP posts:
2020nymph · 21/09/2020 19:01

Happy birthday for Friday @Mimi222 Thanks

2020nymph · 21/09/2020 19:04

Posted too soon. Happy birthday for Friday @Mimi222 Thanks

You deserve respect and to be loved. Not to be treated like these. Well done for acknowledging the affect it could have on your daughter, shows what a great mum you are. Yes leaving him could be tough but it sounds like staying would be much harder. You do not want to waste your life being treated this way. Good luck.

cricketmum84 · 21/09/2020 19:06

"If I'm that bad then I'll leave"

"Off you pop dickhead"

Seriously he sounds horrendous. The relationship isn't working and he sounds like a controlling nasty nobhead. Get out while you can!

Diva66 · 21/09/2020 19:09

It took me 3 years to get away from an abusive dickhead. Tell him to go, offer to pack for him. Get some legal advice, you have rights, and good luck x

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