Threw DH out of the house this morning

[BouncyBaby2]

I threw my husband out of the house this morning (not as in, we split up but told him to go work from one of his local offices.) During the pandemic he's been working from the dining room table - every day. He has two monitors on, leads everywhere and phones/boxes/testing kit all over the shop. Our DS2 is just turning 22 months old and climbs up onto the chairs in the dining room, then onto the table. He also crawls under the table and turns DH's power-lead off and on, and off and on. He grabs DH's laptop and presses keys, bashes his toys all over the monitor, spills drinks and food everywhere over all the equipment. I literally spend ALL my time trying to either contain him in other rooms when we're in the house, or freaking out trying to stop him wrecking DH's workspace.

This morning DH had logged on as normal, took DS1 to school and then came back and tried to get on with some work. Started a zoom call with one of his supervisees; DS1 gave up playing in the other room as soon as he heard dad's voice and came running in. Climbed on the chair, tried to grab his headset. I removed him from the arena of conflict..........cue meltdown. DH had to end the call due to the screaming. He tried to then get on with some emails. I calmed DS1 down, went to the toilet. Next thing I hear is "Oh FFS!!!". Returned pretty quickly to see DS1 sat on the table right next to DH's laptop. They were engaged in some kind of mild combat, with DH swearing and trying to remove the machine out of the way whilst DS1 grabbed at it and then the headset and leads.

I picked DS1 up and he had another tantrum. DH shouted "I can't work in this circus!" I felt really stressed and lost my temper. I told DH to just fuck off to one of his offices, that he had no idea how bloody stressful it was trying to manage a rampant toddler whilst he worked. He shouted back "that's well out of order, now I've got to find an office to work in," and gathered up his equipment in a rage and stormed off.

I feel a bit guilty now but honestly, I've had enough of him working from home. I can't manage the day without it turning into a conflict at some point. He's on calls/zoom meetings all the time, he refuses to move his workspace upstairs because he needs two monitors to work and a good cable connection. I just don't want him all day every day whilst I'm also trying to provide a comfortable, free environment for the boys. I also arrange playdates with friends and their little ones, and tomorrow I've got two other little boys coming over....and a baby. They'll be everywhere. I want him to work in his offices on the days I've got kids here (I work myself 3 days a week) so don't mind him being here on those days.

Was IBU to throw him out of the house and to expect him to go into an office???

[MeridaTheBold]

Who watches the toddler when you both work from home?
All this drama is nonsense. Lots of people work from home with DCs and have done for years. There's no excuse for your DS to be playing with electrical cables ffs whilst you watch from the sidelines. Put a lock/latch on the dining room door - your DS won't be able to open it. Pop him in a travel cot /play pen if you can't watch him for 5 mins.

[Tangledtresses]

I would've kicked him out too! Ridiculous to expect a 2 yr old to behave like an office worker! Your husband could be anywhere else in the house, your son doesn't have that choice! Man child

[Abitofalark]

That is like a script for a sitcom of domestic mayhem. It sounds as if you should have thrown out the child rather than the husband. You said he needs to work there because he needs two of this and two of that. Sounds perfectly reasonable. And you work three days a week. Is that working from home, just to add to the melee? What happens with the rampant destroyer while both working? It's obviously a stressful setup but try to see the funny side of your and his dramatic meltdown, make up and have a laugh and a hug with your husband when you both look back at the scene, when, yes, you WERE being unreasonable but are now being the soul of calm agreeableness and compromise.

[goose1964]

That's nearly as bad as my grandson, when my son was on a works call, going into the room saying very loudly I've done a poo can you wipe my bottom. Small children and WFH just don't work. Unless like my friends DH who has his office in the attic and pulls up the ladder to keep the kids out.

[ivfbeenbusy]

OP doesn't sound like she wants to compromise nor follow the covid rules since there will be more than 6 in her house tomorrow 🤷‍♀️

Since she's contributing to the rule breaking and part of the problem of while we'll be heading for more shutdowns in the future she'll need to get used to her DH office closing again and him back WFH 5 days a week with no choice

[Tangledtresses]

Some of the comments on here.... on the husbands side??? I mean I get the two sides of the story etc

Im sure these comments are written by men??? Surely women in this day and age seriously don't think like this?

[Thisismytimetoshine]

Our DS2 is just turning 22 months old and climbs up onto the chairs in the dining room, then onto the table. He also crawls under the table and turns DH's power-lead off and on, and off and on. He grabs DH's laptop and presses keys, bashes his toys all over the monitor, spills drinks and food everywhere over all the equipment. I literally spend ALL my time trying to either contain him in other rooms when we're in the house, or freaking out trying to stop him wrecking DH's workspace.
This is ridiculous; just close the door!!
He'll scream to get in because you've allowed him to behave like this, not because it's actually detrimental to him to be denied access to the dining room.
I'd be furious in your dh's place, being made to leave the house so your child can have the run of the house unimpeded.

[Deux]

If he has to remain working at home it might make more sense to convert your front room to the dining room so the DCs can have easy access to all the communal areas.

You can buy long Ethernet cables easily.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Sounds like ds is let away with murder. He should know by now not to touch dh stuff.
Put a snib on the dinning room door and both of you need to start disciplining your child. Stop acting as though your 2 year old child is in charge and there's nothing you can do about it.

[NoGinNotComingIn]

I'm sorry but I think you are in the wrong here. Why can't you shut the door and get a baby gate, if it's open plan as our house is we got a gate to stretch the width of the room to keep the toddler away from the workspace. We aren't currently locked down and the weather is nice, if the kids are being a pain take them out. We managed to juggle both working from home with 2 small children and only 1 office, you are making life difficult not watching the kids and keeping them occupied in another room. Have your play dates in the park or at someone else's house if their husband isn't home working. I'd be annoyed too if I was your husband.

[Magenta83]

I think your husband should at least move to the upstairs workstation for calls. Internet can be boosted upstairs. If he can't fit the screens upstairs then maybe he comes down when he's working on something that needs both screens. Maybe one day a week in the office if he can safely get there would be good for both of you. Overall YANBU. It must be exhausting trying to keep DS away and quiet during calls.

[Minimumstandard]

If DH doesn't have enough room for his monitors upstairs, buy him a sturdy folding desk to add alongside his workstation. Then relocate him upstairs. Problem solved. Not healthy to have work literally spilling into home life.

[Havaiana]

@unmarkedbythat

Yanbu
If you're a sahm, then the house is your workspace. He cannot take it over just because he doesn't want to work upstairs. Tough shit! If he wants quiet then his options are to relocate to the workstation at the top of the house or go to the office.

It sounds perfectly clear that he cannot relocate to the room upstairs, because he cannot there use the equipment necessary for him to do his job, so that isn't an option. And I wonder why he may be wfh at all, whether there is some reason sometimes mentioned in the news for people not going to workplaces unnecessarily…

If OP were a SAHM (she isn't. She's said she works three days a week) she would still need to have a bit of sense and recognise that her and the children's lives will change and be affected just as everyone else's are.

Where has OP said there is no room for 2 monitors upstairs?

[1FootInTheRave]

Yabu

[MeridaTheBold]

Surely women in this day and age seriously don't think like this?
Yy because women have a hive mind and you can easily spot us by our overuse of punctuation marks. This may be news to you but women WFH too. An unsupportive partner letting a DC run riot is a nightmare. Thankfully most grownups find a system to manage their DCs when their DP is working.

[GabsAlot]

yes he needs to move upstairs but why are you arranging playdates in your house

[TempestHayes]

@Tangledtresses

Some of the comments on here.... on the husbands side??? I mean I get the two sides of the story etc

Im sure these comments are written by men??? Surely women in this day and age seriously don't think like this?

I work from home and, er, yeah, no kids in the workspace. "Juice" near a laptop, nope. No pulling cables. However I also managed to keep my children out of the workspace via closing doors and having Their Other Parent look after them.

One looks after them, one works. If you're both working then that sucks but you still have to come up with a solution. And it can't be one that is just ignoring the kid to go pulling on cables.

[oakleaffy]

I think you ABU.
Our dad worked from home, in part, and he had an Office which was sacrosanct.. Any form of noise in working hours was forbidden if he was on a call to a client.

A strong, tall baby gate is the best option.
It sounds like utter chaos, to be honest, and very unprofessional.
Clients don't want to hear or see kids..
I'm surprised your DH didn't retreat to the sanctuary of an external office if there was one!

[Bluesheep8]

Have you got room/money for a garden building that could be used as an office?

The obvious solution! Savings AND space

[yellowmaoampinball]

Well I'm certainly not a bloke tangledtresses but me and dh have been working from home with 3 kids since March. It's not possible for any of us to have a perfect set up so we've all had to compromise somewhere. I've had to accept I'm not going to be as comfy as I am in the office with a big chair and desk and 2 monitors. The kids have had to accept they can't have free run of the house at certain times.

[MyChemicalMummy]

I'm sorry but I'm on your husbands side, your child playing with cable is not it on is he told off when he does this? Also arranging a play date while he is working at home is not a great idea, for this yabu.

[weaselish]

YANBU. He needs to work upstairs in a room where he can shut the door and no one else needs to go in. WFH with kids is hard but you need to be able to go in the living room and garden whenever you need to when you're at home with the kids.
We all decided during peak lockdown to work in our bedrooms (even the kids!) as didn't want it taking over the downstairs - could just walk away after work and enjoy a calm evening - it provided some separation.

[Nikori]

It is not easy working from home with young kids. I think he should try and find a better workspace. Can he find somewhere to rent? He could maybe claim the cost back from work. Maybe a friend or neighbor has a spare room they could let out? He's not being fair on anyone, not even himself.

[jeremypaxo]

I can't believe anyone is defending the DH on this thread. He has a choice of external offices AND a workspace upstairs! Of course he should fuck off elsewhere! Jesus. "Why weren't you watching your DS?" Give me a break. This isn't the 1950s. Your DH needs to grow up and take his precious second monitor somewhere else.

[oakleaffy]

@MeridaTheBold

Surely women in this day and age seriously don't think like this?
Yy because women have a hive mind and you can easily spot us by our overuse of punctuation marks. This may be news to you but women WFH too. An unsupportive partner letting a DC run riot is a nightmare. Thankfully most grownups find a system to manage their DCs when their DP is working.

Spot on.

Kids need to be kept away from workspace, plus bashing monitors and unplugging wires sounds crazy..Who lets a child of nearly two do that?
Electricity and drinks don't mix, just common sense.