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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Angry with husband for sleeping

85 replies

DBML · 20/09/2020 17:13

I’ll start by saying that my husband is a really good guy and we rarely have cross words. So it’s really unusual for me to feel this level of anger with him and I don’t know whether I’m being completely unreasonable and perhaps taking work stresses out on him.

But I’m seething. Because Friday evening, he was having a bit of trouble with a neck ache, so he took some Tramadol and Methocarbamol. He never takes tablets and was prescribed these particular drugs months ago for a back spasm. He had a terrible reaction to them at the time (nausea and vomiting) so I was cross that he was taking them and told him not to. He didn’t listen and ended up having to go up to bed early.

Saturday morning comes and he’s queasy, so he firstly goes nuts at the gym 🙄 and then decides to go buy benedryl from Tesco, having read it stops nausea. By early afternoon he’s having to go to bed he’s so sleepy...and he doesn’t get up until 10am THIS MORNING!

So all the nice plans we had; a beach day today; seeing family; nice walks etc have not transpired because he’s slept all weekend and it’s back to work tomorrow for us both until next weekend.

I’m so freaking angry! That yes, I’ve managed to ruin today too as I’ve shouted at him and ignored him. But I work so hard during the week, I’ve been soooo stressed out at work and really resent that he’s wasted the weekend.

Ok. Holding my breathe for responses. AIBU yeas or no?
Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
namedchange112 · 20/09/2020 17:16

Yep, YABU but then we all are sometimes. Have a cuppa together and watch something on the telly, this isn't worth a big fight if he's an otherwise good bloke. ☺️

StillCoughingandLaughing · 20/09/2020 17:19

You make 10am sound outlandish. Sunday had barely begun; you could have been out of the house by 11. How long did you expect this nice walk to take?

Brefugee · 20/09/2020 17:19

you don't mention DCs - but if you really wanted to go out why didn't you? maybe not as much fun on your own but better than stewing at home?

put it behind you...

Notthetoothfairy · 20/09/2020 17:19

A bit annoying but it sounds like a one-off.

Mindymomo · 20/09/2020 17:20

Yes, it is annoying but we all make mistakes, especially getting men to take medication. After my husband had a heart attack and needed an urgent triple heart bypass during lockdown, I’m afraid I now don’t give a dam and let him watch as much football and sport as he wants, as we are virtually staying in all the time now and have only seen my brother, no other family since March. I hope he makes it up to you when he is feeling better.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 20/09/2020 17:22

You've not necessarily ruined to day - you can still talk to him, apologise for shouting and fix it. You can say you're upset he slept all weekend and tell him you were looking forward to x, y and z. Don't end the weekend on a shitty note - go out, run/walk off the rage in your belly then come home and fix it with him.

PeskyRooks · 20/09/2020 17:23

Tramadol make me feel sick so can't blame him for that although perhaps he shouldn't have taken them a paracetamol would've done.
I use benadryl to knock me out when I can't sleep there's no way he would've been able to keep his eyes open!
I get that it's frustrating when all your plans have gone to shit though but shouting and ignoring him was a bit shit too.

Mydogmylife · 20/09/2020 17:23

Ybvu, but understandable! You do sound a bit me me me ( I was stressed etc) how's he feeling now? You don't seem much bothered about how his neck pain is now

RightYesButNo · 20/09/2020 17:25

Yes, YABU.
A weekend has two days.
He “ruined” 50% of it by sleeping (no telling that if he hadn’t taken the tablets, you would have been able to do anything anyway, due to his neck ache).
And you have ruined 50% of it wasting today by shouting at him and ignoring him. Can’t imagine that accomplished much. I’d tell a woman not to put up with a man doing that to her, so I’m not sure what to say. It’s not a healthy way to fight, period.
So there’s your weekend.
But @namedchange112 is right. We all have things happen sometimes. Let it go, move on, and don’t let this fester.

Original poster
DBML · 20/09/2020 17:26

Thanks everyone.
No, I wasn’t concerned about his neck pain, just the fact my weekend was spoiled and I guess hearing myself think that in response to a question here, makes me feel worse. Oh dear.

OP posts:
Plussizejumpsuit · 20/09/2020 17:27

I feel like there are other pain killers he could have tried first such as paracetamol or cocodamol. Before having the tramadol which was obviously going to wipe him out. It's a bit selfish especially when he knew this would happen. Also why go to the gym and make it worse? Do you have DC?

Oxyiz · 20/09/2020 17:28

Assuming that as you say he's usually a decent sort, then yes you're being unreasonable - probably because you're so stressed. He's unwell but you could have still done some things without him?

Original poster
DBML · 20/09/2020 17:29

Yeah, one DC, but he’s in his teens. I wasn’t left to look after little ones alone.

Angers subsiding. I feel like a bitch now.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 20/09/2020 17:29

Yep, YABU. You don’t get to tell him what medication to take when he’s in pain.

And the weekend was only ruined because you unreasonably shouted at him this morning and spoilt the day today. You could have had a nice day if you hadn’t.

Original poster
DBML · 20/09/2020 17:30

Thanks all. I might not be back on again.

I think I have some apologising to do.

OP posts:
namedchange112 · 20/09/2020 17:32

@DBML Grin enjoy your evening and making up!

Dee1975 · 20/09/2020 17:33

He’s not feeling well with his neck pain. Give him a break. Even without taking the drugs that made him sleep, would he have been able to go to beach today anyway?
A bit silly to go to the gym yesterday. But either way, he’s clearly not 100% - let his body do what it needs to do.

Afibtomyboy · 20/09/2020 17:52

1 day he messes up
1 bloody day

Afibtomyboy · 20/09/2020 17:53

And really... most decent people wouldn’t think he’d messed up anyway

InFiveMins · 20/09/2020 17:54

YABU - he obviously hasn't been well. I would have been sympathetic.

Coldwinterahead1 · 20/09/2020 17:55

Go to the beach alone? Let the poor bloke sleep

BluebellsGreenbells · 20/09/2020 17:57

Why did you need him to tag along for walks and family visits? Even the beach is fine alone or with friends!

I’d have hot footed it out of there!

In fact DH has been similar today and I had a nice walk on the beach and have been to a food festival (gasp alone!) I’ve come home and made him food, and he’s sorted the socks and out the ironing away.

Perfectly normal.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/09/2020 17:57

@Afibtomyboy

1 day he messes up 1 bloody day
Yep and imagine some people manage to go for a walk by themselves EVERY weekend. Hardly the end of the world.
ancientgran · 20/09/2020 17:58

Don't beat yourself up, it is hard dealing with other people's pain sometimes. My husband is disabled, has been for nearly 30 years. He is often in terrible pain to the point he will call out or even scream. Sometimes it really gets on my nerves and I have to remind myself he has lived with that pain for so long and it must be awful. None of us are perect.

WiserOlder · 20/09/2020 17:58

Is he not allowed to be sick?

That sounds like an issue to unpick here.