DH at pub without telling me

[Wingingthis]

Background - DH works away all week. Monday morning - Friday night. We have two daughters, 3 years old and 5 months old. I’m really REALLY struggling mentally and just in general coping atm and he most definitely knows this. To make things worth both the girls & myself are unwell this week, again he knows this.

He finishes at 6:30 and it’s a good hour at least home. I called him at 7:45 about something and he said hes “leaving soon” I asked if he’d worked late and he said no he was having a drink and “debrief” at the pub about the week. He works with his best mate so I’m not buying this. He’s left about 30 mins ago.
AIBU to be annoyed he didn’t even let me know???? I would and have always said of course see your friends, but I’m alone all week and the nights I get help/adult company are very important to me.

Do you get any 'you time'? He could have let you know especially as he knew you were juggling everything at home.
Think you both need to sit down and talk this through this weekend.

Don’t worry OP, all the pubs will be closed for good soon!

@PrincessFlorretta

am I the only one sick of women complaining their OH doesn’t “do enough” when they’re at work most of the week in order to PROVIDE for you and your kids honestly get a grip

🙄

@PrincessFlorretta I’ve not once said he doesn’t do enough?

When do you get to "debrief" in or out of the pub? Yes he works, but so do you. Sounds like a turning point has been reached, time to sit him down and have a chat

I am now with someone who works mostly from home (pre Covid). I was once with someone who worked away Monday to Friday because it was a 5 hour drive away. He took that time to cheat because he was lonely. (Whole other story).

I don't think your set up could work for me and I just wouldn't even try. You are a single parent basically but feel more lonely because in theory you have a team mate. An hour away!

YANBU.

Ultimately he didn't feel excited to come home to see you, or want to look after you all or even obligated to support you!

[quote Wingingthis]@PrincessFlorretta I’ve not once said he doesn’t do enough?[/quote]
Maybe my choice of wording was off. But you haven’t said this is something he does regularly. If it was a regular occurrence, then I would agree that it’s a piss take and yes I would be fuming. But having a quick breather at the pub after a long week working - providing for you and your kids may I add - is hardly an issue.

Pub for a lemonade isn’t much of a pull is it? Assuming he’s driving, I don’t get why the pub isn’t for the other days when he’s away. Yanbu.

@Wingingthis

He says he’d have to leave at 4:30/5am otherwise the traffic is awful and he’d risk being late (I haven’t looked into this myself) he’d be back at 8 most nights unless bad traffic. I agree it’s doable!!

The other side I suppose is of he walks in at 8 and gets up at 4, he's gonna come in, eat and sleep which actually might make even more work for you

@PrincessFlorretta

am I the only one sick of women complaining their OH doesn’t “do enough” when they’re at work most of the week in order to PROVIDE for you and your kids honestly get a grip

He's providing for THEIR kids and she's looking after th full time whilst he gets to act like a single guy all week then being his washing home for his Mom sorry wife to wash!

am I the only one sick of women complaining their OH doesn’t “do enough” when they’re at work most of the week in order to PROVIDE for you and your kids honestly get a grip

And of course the kids are looking after themselves, the house auto cleans, food miraculously appears in the cupboard and cooks itself. The washing troops itself out of the machine - probably to a Snow White soundtrack (complete with singing birds & shit). OP merrily sits in her arse all day watching Real Housewives Of Buttfuck Arizona while poor hubby works his fingers to the bone, utterly unappreciated in his time, begrudged half a lager and a packet of scampi fries. Wimmins Lib gorn mad, I tells you.

@PrincessFlorretta he didn't even bother to tell his ill partner who has been home with his ill jugs all well that he wasn't coming back until late.
At 7.45 when he should have been home to see the kids who are likely to have missed him SHE had to call to check he wasn't dead in a motorway pile up. And he's like yeah love, sipping lemonade cos my life is so hard. She's then got to tell the kids they can't see Daddy tonight cos keys face it, me isn't now gonna be back before 9. How is that ok?

@SBTLove

Despite it being right there in the first line of the OP I somehow didn't take in that detail. You're right. There's no particular reason to think he might need a bit of a break before he heads home.

@PrincessFlorretta did you miss the bit where he stays away 4 nights of the week? He has plenty of other opportunities for a de-stress.

That said - obviously current setup doesn't work. If he left at 4.30 to avoid traffic then presumably he would arrive at 5.30 (hour trip, no traffic) so.shohld be able to leave early too.
Or if this job is unavoidably awful, you both need to look at alternatives like him taking a less well paid job closer to home and maybe you working also.

He works 10 hours a day. I think he's allowed a pint down the pub one night a week...

He works 10 hours a day. I think he's allowed a pint down the pub one night a week...

He's got Monday to Thursday to have a pint after work. And if he's driving home he shouldn't be having a pint anyway.

@GoldfishParade

He works 10 hours a day. I think he's allowed a pint down the pub one night a week...

And it's ok it's the night his poorly wife is waiting for him to come home, when his kids are waiting to see him whilst Mommy says he'll be here soon, he'll be here soon and he's not even left?? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday he could actually go to the pub and have a DRINK as he's not driving over an hour home

My df dis an hour commute 7 days a week.
He worked monday to friday 7 to 5. And saturday 6.30 to 1.30 and sunday 6.30 to 12.30
He also had and hour commute each way and did it because he didn't want to be away from his family.
( dont get me wrong he done nothing else in the house as he was pretty shattered but he was here)
Your dp could if he wanted to.

[quote Cloudtraffic]@PrincessFlorretta

am I the only one sick of women complaining their OH doesn’t “do enough” when they’re at work most of the week in order to PROVIDE for you and your kids confused honestly get a grip

Oh do fuck off and then fuck off some more - you absolute shower of misogynistic wank[/quote]
I second this😂😂😂

@PrincessFlorretta
Fuck off to the far side of fuck off.

Bit of an excessive pile on to @PrincessFlorretta there

@Funkypolar

Don’t worry OP, all the pubs will be closed for good soon!

This! But above and beyond that fact he is taking the piss

[quote Cloudtraffic]@PrincessFlorretta

am I the only one sick of women complaining their OH doesn’t “do enough” when they’re at work most of the week in order to PROVIDE for you and your kids confused honestly get a grip

Oh do fuck off and then fuck off some more - you absolute shower of misogynistic wank[/quote]
I third it @iamtinkabella