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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uni ... sad face

73 replies

MadameBee · 18/09/2020 19:39

DC3 is 18.

He left for uni today (couldn’t take him as have had to isolate for 2 weeks).

I just went into his bedroom - ooff that was like a knife to the heart.

You think people are twats when they bang on about how it “flies by” thing is it really fucking does 😭😭😭

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 18/09/2020 19:40

He’s my last one to leave Sad

OP posts:
grafittiartist · 18/09/2020 19:43

Sorry- it sounds awful.
I am a few years off- but dreading this. A friend described it as a type of grief.

BlueSuffragette · 18/09/2020 19:43

Flowers Empty nest OP. It's a tough one. You just have to feel proud that they are on their way to independence. Memories last a lifetime. They'll be home soon. xx

Original poster
MadameBee · 18/09/2020 19:46

Yeah I do feel proud (esp as I did most of it alone).

It’s horrid at the same time though and that bloody poem “the last time” keeps popping into my head 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Mrsfrumble · 18/09/2020 19:46

Oh bless you OP Flowers

Has he gone far? You must be very proud.

My youngest is only 7 so I’m a long way off, but I was my parents third and last child, and was so excited to be finally going off to university I didn’t spare a single thought for how they must have been feeling. My dad had to drive me down on his birthday too! I hope your DS is more thoughtful.

Original poster
MadameBee · 18/09/2020 19:50

He has been super excited, I am esp proud to be honest as he has Aspergers and it’s massive for him, he’s struggled with his MH.

But he’s had a Saturday job for a few years and got a GF (who is going to same Uni) and has managed to transfer his Saturday job and has really pushed himself to be independent.

He’s only about an hour away.

He messaged me all the way then sent me a video of his room and leeks asking how I am doing 🤣🤣❤️

OP posts:
Mrsfrumble · 18/09/2020 19:55

Oh wow, well done him! My 9 yo boy has Aspergers (or would have, if the separate diagnosis still existed) and wants to be an engineer, so I really hope he can make it to university too. It’s great to hear such a positive story.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 18/09/2020 19:59

I’m 15 years off and dreading it

tinytemper66 · 18/09/2020 20:00

My son is in the forces (been in nearly 3 yrs) and I still stand in his room and reminisce and try not to shed a tear. Still my baby!

Original poster
MadameBee · 18/09/2020 20:02

We were on the cusp of diagnosis and he chose not to actually be diagnosed (he was 11). He said he didn’t want to be diagnosed and I respected his desicion.

His father and brother (with his dads wife not me) are both diagnosed.

I alway admired that a bit in him, to dance his own tune.

He opted for the quiet block at uni I found out yesterday.

OP posts:
JellyNo15 · 18/09/2020 20:04

I rember feeling like that, still do to a lesser extent. Ten years ago DC1 left for uni and five since DC2 went to uni. One came back to live local and one stayed in uni city. I enjoy the time DH and I have together but I miss having a full house.

BuntyBonus · 18/09/2020 20:06

He sounds lovely OP, you’ve obviously done a grand job. I’ve got many years until that day but I could make myself cry just thinking about it! I hope you’ve got a nice weekend planned.

Coolcatsandkittens · 18/09/2020 20:07

Your boy sounds wonderful OP, as do you. Sending you both good wishes Smile

felineflutter · 18/09/2020 20:08

FlowersYes I didn't think I would feel too upset really, I was proud of DS and excited for him. When I got home I felt bereft and I cried like a baby. Sad It was totally unexpected. The feelings of nostalgia and loss were incredibly powerful and still are to a degree.

Bluetrews25 · 18/09/2020 20:17

Have this. Cake Brew
He's still your lovely boy and will make you so proud.
It's just you need to get used to the new way things are.
Cake helps.

HeartZone · 18/09/2020 20:19

He left for uni today (couldn’t take him as have had to isolate for 2 weeks).

Errrm
He didn’t live with you I take it?

Original poster
MadameBee · 18/09/2020 20:25

@HeartZone

I am 10 days in with no symptoms and he phoned the Uni and the post poned it until today 👍🏻 But thanks for the concern.

OP posts:
NoPointInWednesdays · 18/09/2020 20:26

You must be so proud op well done to you as his mum I’m raising such a lovely boy and congratulations to him for showing everyone that he can do whatever he puts his mind too Flowers

To the pp that asked if he lived with his mum and that’s why she couldn’t take him, I know all the unis in Scotland, students have to move into the premises on their own no help allowed from parents, family or friends maybe this is why and the op has just finished isolating?

NoPointInWednesdays · 18/09/2020 20:27

Sorry @MadameBee cross posted x

Titterofwit · 18/09/2020 20:28

When DD left it was the silence that was hard to bear.
Lord knows we didnt see that much of her face to face in the Summer before she left but when she was in her room I loved to hear her chatting with her friends online . The sound of her running downstairs for a drink and popping her head round the door "fancy a cuppa Mum?". How she laughed loud and long to her favourite comedy programmes.
Sigh . I should be over it by now .

topcat2014 · 18/09/2020 20:28

I want dd (currently 14) to go to Oxford.

Academically good blah blah,

But mainly because it is 45 minutes to Oxford from us and the terms are only 8 weeks :)

BloggersBlog · 18/09/2020 20:30

Still a few years ahead for me, but my heart drops when think about my youngest leaving.

Sympathetic Internet hug x

Original poster
MadameBee · 18/09/2020 20:31

He’s got my suitcase so I must collect it next weekend (no holiday plans whatsoever) 🤣🤣

OP posts:
speakout · 18/09/2020 20:33

I understand OP- but I enjoy it in parts.
My youngest has just moved into a flat for her last year at uni after 6 months at home in lockdown.
It is good to have some breathing space.
I do understand the feelings of nostalgia and loss, but I have so many plans of my own that have been put on hold for so many years.
I have put my all into raising kids, and I am enjoying having parts of me come home.

Somethingkindaoooo · 18/09/2020 20:34

Mine left today too...

I hear you sister!