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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fed up tonight Dh. Bragging about his holiday with his mates.

62 replies

whatisforteamum · 18/09/2020 19:35

I have posted on here the last few.weeks.I suffer with SAD and I am becoming increasingly bored of my job and marriage.
I'm lockdown I realised how much I work and how many meals I miss.up at 730 home by 1030 which I have loved when I got job satisfaction.A new boss who clearly prefers the younger team members and the sheer monotony of 12/hr days at the exclusion of any life outside work.
Then I have dh who increasingly is dismissive of me.Last week he dropped a decorative paving slab on my sandaled foot in a temper then didn't apologise.
This week he had a pre arranged golf trip to a high class hotel with his friends.About 7 years of this hobby ruling his life so now we can't do anything as he has used his allowance up and has been bragging on social media what a great time he had with the lads.
I don't know many people outside of work now dcsare grown up and df who was unwell.has now passed away.
Normally I would change things up.with a new job...New people new responsibility but I feel trapped by the possibility of another lockdown and the thought of being stuck in here with my distant boring rude dh.
I've had so many crap winters I am dreading it.😢

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 18/09/2020 19:36

I don't know why I am posting but venting on here helps.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 18/09/2020 19:40

It sounds as though your marriage has maybe run its course. It's worth some relationship counselling to try and get you back on course though.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your husband going away with his friends, it's not his fault that you have lost touch with yours.

You can still apply to new jobs even with COVID, employers are still recruiting.

SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance · 18/09/2020 19:43

He dropped a patio slab on your foot in temper. Get out and away from him.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 18/09/2020 19:44

I have applied to something with better hours on my doorstep.I also have savings if it doesn't work out.I can't help thinking it is foolhardy in the industry I am in if we close again.

OP posts:
022828MAN · 18/09/2020 19:44

Nothing will change if nothing changes OP. So what would you like to do?

daisypond · 18/09/2020 19:47

He dropped a patio slab on your foot?

Otherwise, are those 15-hour work days every day, or do you get extra days off?

TheNewSchmoo · 18/09/2020 19:48

Another post in the same vein. Get a hobby of your own, leave, but do something. Nothing will change if you just moan about your husband on here while making no attempt at change.

I'm sure people new to your posts will think I'm being harsh, but we've been here before and he didn't actually drop a paving slab on your foot in anger did he, it transpired.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 18/09/2020 19:57

He did drop a patio slab on my foot as he was in a temper so threw it then realised my foot was there.The point is he doesn't seem the need to apologise accident or not.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 18/09/2020 20:01

Why would you stay with a man who thinks it's OK to hurt you but not OK to apologise?

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 18/09/2020 20:01

Also thenewschmoo in case you hadn't realised it is a difficult time to start new sociable hobbies with the current restrictions.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 18/09/2020 20:03

But he didn't throw it at your foot it was an accident, it all came out on your last thread. Just leave him though.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 18/09/2020 20:05

Get an apartment of your own.
Get a cat to come home to (can't have a dog with 12 hour workdays.)
Get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Dh may not golf as mch if you get half the savings etc.
Then decide if you want to get a new job. You might like the job better once you like yourself better.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 18/09/2020 20:06

Bloodywhitecat I have no idea.My self esteem is at an all time low tbh.I am in my mid 50s.

OP posts:
yelyah22 · 18/09/2020 20:08

I remember your other thread - lots of people gently told you after you shared some details that your husband is abusive. Please leave him, if you can - your job is a separate issue (and should also be sorted!) but I think the priority is getting away from this man, so that you can start to heal.

bloodywhitecat · 18/09/2020 20:09

being in your mid 50s is even more reason to leave if you are unhappy. You've lived enough years unhappy, don't see out the rest of your life in the same state. You might find your self esteem if you can pluck up the courage to leave him.

MajesticWhine · 18/09/2020 20:18

He is entitled to enjoy his holiday and post online about it. But I don't know about the other stuff as I haven't seen your other threads.
Something obviously needs to change for you. Your working hours sound horrific. Start prioritising yourself more. Many hobbies are possible despite the pandemic. Golf seems to be. I know people doing tennis, swimming, cycling, yoga, painting. You could do distance learning.
I am a couple therapist - so true to form I would also say have some counselling/therapy together. But if he won't, the only thing you can change is you.

SunshineCake · 18/09/2020 20:20

I had to check the date but no, you're posting again about this useless man and non relationship. Get out just get out. It is over and you need to start valuing yourself.

BloggersBlog · 18/09/2020 20:22

Why do you call him darling husband?

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 18/09/2020 20:27

This man is a cunt.

category12 · 18/09/2020 20:47

It doesn't really sound like your job is the main problem.

Your problem is you have an arsehole for a husband.

Staffy1 · 18/09/2020 20:54

Did he really drop the paving slab on your foot on purpose? I thought you said in the previous thread that he said he threw it behind him and said he didn't realise you were standing there.

Thenneverendingstorohree · 18/09/2020 21:22

Maybe you need a job, but definitely you need out of your marriage.

Oldraver · 18/09/2020 21:35

What has happened since you last posted ?

Kazakaren · 18/09/2020 21:39

Time to make a plan to change things. Do you still want to be with dh or do you think it's time to leave him? Give yourself a chance of a better life?

MadameMeursault · 18/09/2020 21:41

@whatisforteamum

Also thenewschmoo in case you hadn't realised it is a difficult time to start new sociable hobbies with the current restrictions.
No need to be rude. They were just trying to help. Don’t think I’ll bother now.