So fed up tonight Dh. Bragging about his holiday with his mates.

[whatisforteamum]

I have posted on here the last few.weeks.I suffer with SAD and I am becoming increasingly bored of my job and marriage.
I'm lockdown I realised how much I work and how many meals I miss.up at 730 home by 1030 which I have loved when I got job satisfaction.A new boss who clearly prefers the younger team members and the sheer monotony of 12/hr days at the exclusion of any life outside work.
Then I have dh who increasingly is dismissive of me.Last week he dropped a decorative paving slab on my sandaled foot in a temper then didn't apologise.
This week he had a pre arranged golf trip to a high class hotel with his friends.About 7 years of this hobby ruling his life so now we can't do anything as he has used his allowance up and has been bragging on social media what a great time he had with the lads.
I don't know many people outside of work now dcsare grown up and df who was unwell.has now passed away.
Normally I would change things up.with a new job...New people new responsibility but I feel trapped by the possibility of another lockdown and the thought of being stuck in here with my distant boring rude dh.
I've had so many crap winters I am dreading it.😢

I don't know.I just woke up thinking I can't go on which isn't like me at all.I normally find pleasure in housework or work.It is a dreadful feeling of foreboding so I am trying to figure out what is causing it as I really don't know.I do struggle in the winter though.

Did you post about the paving slab a few days ago? I seem to recall another abusive DP/DH doing this and being an arse.

Do you use a light box? I was skeptical at first, but I think they can help. I enjoy them. They're not massively expensive. www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=light+box+SAD&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

If he dropped a slab on your foot and didn't apologize, that's kind of abusive.

Your problem isn't your husband; your problem is that you're happier moaning on Mumsnet than sorting out a new life for yourself.Your children are grown up - there's nothing stopping you. Why aren't you booking a nice hotel break for yourself? You don't need his permission. You don't need his company - you don't even like him. Do you want to be posting in the same vein when you're in your 60s? Your 70s? Nobody's going to do it for you - you have to get moving.

I'm in my 50's and started a new job this month. And yes there were other applicants interviewed!

Your 'slab on foot' thread was full of advice telling you that he is a shit and that you should leave. You'll get more of the same here.

Your life sucks because of HIM. He's not going to change. Starting a new thread isn't going to yield any new 'miracle cure'.

It's like Einstein's statement regarding insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. In your case you either need to leave (I would) or establish your own life completely separate from him including friends, outings, holidays, etc and get counseling to emotionally divorce yourself from him so that what he says and does means less than nothing to you. But that second option would be a helluva lot harder than just divorcing him. What peace and freedom you will have!!!

Yes I do have a lighting and I may get antidepressants.

OP you’ve been posting for years about your husband and situation and you’ve done nothing about it. These threads are pointless

Lightbox**

Get your savings out of your account.

File for divorce and make you life better.

If my dp had dropped a paving slab on my foot, He'd by fucking under it.

Do you own your house?

Get rid of this abusing dickhead and make your life happy for you.

OP he deliberately crushed a DVD into your hand to hurt you and 'accidentally' threw a paving stone at you and then refused to apologise. And I imagine there's more. You're saying you're not sure why you feel listless and without motivation - it may very well be SAD, but your abusive marriage is definitely, definitely not helping.

Again - your marriage is abusive. I know that's hard to accept. But it's the truth. And your mental health will be destroyed by it. Please please seek help.

Your not bored of your marriage your opening your eyes at what a twat he is.

Your job? Suck it up for now. Get away from this prick then find a new one.
Job that is.

OP mumsnetters can help you leave. I know it’s probably daunting and just seems impossible but many women here have done it before, so they can suggest what steps to take.

You’re only 50s, you might have another 30-40 years on this planet so do something for you rather than slogging for an abusive man.

You’re focusing on the wrong issues, your abusers little hobbies and words are irrelevant, discard the scummy fucker and enjoy life, you only get one life, no reason to tolerate scum.

He does sound like a shit husband and definitely not worth sticking around for.

However, you being out of the house for 14-15 hours a day has probably left him resenting you too. I'm guessing he's had to look after everything at home whilst you have been building your career. It's not good for any relationship that one person is never there. In his shoes I would have just got on with it and planned my spare time with my friends.

In fact, I am in your husbands shoes in that respect, minus the paving slab, DVD and the rest of the abusive behaviour. Now that my husband has been forced to spend more time working from home he complains that he has no place in the family and that the kids don't need him for anything. Not surprising when he's never made it a priority to spend time with us.

In your op you said ‘ Normally I would change things up.with a new job...New people new responsibility but I feel trapped by the possibility of another lockdown and the thought of being stuck in here with my distant boring rude dh.’
Why not make the change yourself and speak to a solicitor in the morning?
Out with the old, in with the new!

Not sure why you don’t leave him?

@SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance

He dropped a patio slab on your foot in temper. Get out and away from him.

This.

Golf is his one true love.

if you can, leave him...Live alone if you can...less lonely than living with a selfish partner.

Amazed your toe wasn't shattered.

A lovely flat, decorated to your taste, sounds fabulous right now, to me anyway...

Get copies of all your important data, and see a solicitor.
Make sure your savings are moved and safe first.

Maybe you could do with a bit of talking therapy, OP.

Thank you all.I am only out of the house 12 hours a day.When the dcs were young I worked 9/3.or eves in the summer holidays.I partly started to do more as I wanted to further my career and finally earn some money as dh was often absorbed in sport on tv or quite an angry person.
Yes I may get some therapy which I have had before .
Try to untangle what is loneliness,depression or working too hard as I felt great in lockdown or if my relationship or lack of social life is making me resentful.Good idea thank you coyoacan.

"so I am trying to figure out what is causing it as I really don't know"

You're in a loveless, abusive relationship. That's causing it. Normally you mamage to ignore how shit your life is by working long hours.

Why are you staying? That's what you should be working out. Venting is for situations that you can't change, you can change yours.

I saw your thread the other day about the paving slab
I think you need to change your job and your dh
Not that easy ,in reality
Can you reduce your work hours slightly,and join a gym ,have some time to yourself ,give yourself space to think

Your life really could be so much better than that.

One step at a time

You need to leave your husband. So you need to work out a plan how to do that.

Then in the future sort work