Am I controlling

[Happymummy8888]

My marriage ended when my exh had an affair and told me it was because I was controlling.

I have met someone else and we have three kids. He is saying that I am controlling too and I am honestly at a loss of what I am doing wrong.

This is today's example DD hockey match has been changed from sat morning to tonight...I found out last night and I have a nail appt (that if I cancel then I have to pay 50% for less than 24hr notice). DP starts work for a night shift at the exact time the match is starting. He is 'off' today so has keep our youngest two (under one). I spoke to my mum and she agreed to take the babies at 2pm so DP could get some rest before work. I told him this this was fine. But because of the match changing I need someone to watch them from 6-7 so my niece will call to watch them in our house (I will pick up after nails as drop her and kids to my house) I just asked him if he could throw in a pasta bake for me and the kids coming back from the match which will be after 7 and he has flipped. I'm too controlling how dare I change the plans even though when I said I wouldn't bring DD to match as too late notice he said that wasn't fair.

It's things like this he says is controlling but I wouldn't care if he was juggling this and asked me to throw on a pre made dinner to heat

Don't ask his mum for help, she will side with him, they always do.

Contact Women's Aid for advice. You can get him to leave the house, if there is evidence (calling the police, etc) of his abuse, but you might have to leave in the meantime. There might be space in a refuge somewhere, but WA can help you.

Now he's been violent, he'll do it again, and again, so you're in danger.

There is help out there for women going through domestic violence, but you have to seek it out. Do you have any family or friends you can talk too?

Successive partners have identified you are controlling. Even your own biased account of things contains red flags.

Sounds like your are controlling and awful to live with.

@FullTimeYummy

Successive partners have identified you are controlling. Even your own biased account of things contains red flags.

Sounds like your are controlling and awful to live with.

Might be worth reading the thread... 🙄

Yeah. In this case, controlling = expects me to pull my weight and asks me to lower myself to do domestic tasks when everyone knows that's the woman's job.

Reminds me of teenage tantrums of you're soooooo mean. Nobody else's mum makes them do X, y, z...

Hi @FullTimeYummy could you tell me what the red flags are please

I am in work today he left yesterday afternoon to go to his mums and I've heard nothing from him

I'm relieved in a way but still sad. Yesterday was tough to smile for the kids but I got them out to enjoy the sun

Red flags: the ex was blocked. Whose idea was that. Yours maybe?
You monitor whether the ex is still blocked by snooping on his phone.

Sorry, but that is the behaviour of a controlling partner. You could argue all men are terrible gas lighters, or you could look at the common denominator in the failed relationships

The ex was blocked as he contacted her a few months ago on social media and promised he wouldn't again.

Why can't he contact his ex?
Did you decide he can't?