Colleague is pregnant

[afternoonitsraining]

My colleague and friend has just announced her pregnancy to the office. I am genuinely pleased for her.

But the problem for me is, it will mean I will be expected to pick up her work (small company and they have done this before when women on maternity. Again, not a huge issue except for my husband and I were thinking about TTC. I know it can takes a while but if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her, plus be pissed at the timing!

We could wait a bit but i am nearly 30 and we both have possible fertility issues (dr said we won't know if the issues will affect fertility until we try basically.) any advice, AIBU to worry about work and what they would think?

@awsomer

if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her

I really don’t think they’re going to think that you’re copying her! It’s not a new pair of shoes.

This happened to my friend. We both worked together at the time, I fell pregnant by accident and announced it to work only to find out that my friend was actually TTC around the same time as me telling our boss. She fell pregnant 12 weeks later and our boss was such a b word!

I felt horrible for my friend. Everyone was happy when they found out, but I noticed my friend didn't get quite the same reaction from our boss.

She practically said to me when I left for maternity that she believed my friend got pregnant because I was. Thankfully neither of us returned to work there after both our maternity ended.

So trust me, employers are really petty and I can understand why the OP would worry about this.

if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her

Is your boss 10 years old?
Crack on with TTC if that's what you want don't live your lives waiting on other people to be ok with it!

It might be awkward, but it doesn't matter. Don't put your plans on hold because of it, and don't be apologetic, as some might be.

Honestly, it wouldn't even occur to me that this should occur to me!! I would crack on. Hope it goes well.

Yep, my workplace were lovely but when I announced my pregnancy 2 months after her, there was a little bit of 'what not you too!'

You say women in their 30s getting pregnant shouldn't be a surprise. My old boss was furious two women of a small and one man were all due babies at the same time so all on leave at the same time. He hasn't even considered it could happen!

If you won the lotto euro millions ect would you decide to stay at work as they are going to be one down while your colleague on maternity leave?!??
Don't make decisions like this based on what suits others. If consider everything will never find the best time

In a few years time you will never know any of the people you work with. They or you will have moved on and you will look back at this time in your life and wonder why you were planning your future around their frowny faces.
If covid has taught us anything, it's to grab life with both hands because tomorrow you might not be able to browse that shop next week, or have a job next month, or have a roof over... etc.

Yabu. Just get on with it 😂 the bosses won't think "you've copied her" 😂 😂 😂

Everyone knows that the way colleagues become pregnant at the same time is by sitting on the Office Chair of Doom.

😂

I sat on the Office Chair of Doom for a full six months in my old job, it having claimed the three previous incumbents. I’m glad to say I broke the curse.

In all seriousness, OP, don’t put your significant life plans on hold - especially considering your potential fertility issues - because you’re worried about what your bosses might think. You and your husband make these decisions and bugger everyone else.

Don’t worry what they think! So what’s right for you!

This year I've had a team member go on mat leave so I hired a fixed term member of staff to cover her, a month later I find myself recruiting for mat cover for the mat cover! No issue with me, it is what it is

It has nothing to do with your employer when you decide to have a baby. Not anyone else. Stop thinking like that

Who cares what people think, if you're ready to try and may have fertility problems crack on and get at it! You'll feel silly for worrying about this if you wait then can't conceive x

Sooooo... What you are saying is that you are working in a sexually discriminative workplace..?

Have a word with HR about your concerns. Keep a record of who makes what comment. Learn to say no to extra work that doesn't fit in your schedule.

@MsStillwell

if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her

I'm not convinced by this.

Well I got pregnant my colleague got pregnant four months later then our friend decided to adopt a child so we kind of started a trend

If you work for a company that seriously thinks you would only bring another human to the planet to copy a colleague then you need another job.

slipperywhensparticus

MsStillwell
if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her

I'm not convinced by this.
Well I got pregnant my colleague got pregnant four months later then our friend decided to adopt a child so we kind of started a trend

No, you didn’t. You really didn’t. Thousands of women get pregnant every year. They are not copying you. And the person that decided to adopt - that’s usually after years of careful thinking about it. I doubt anyone decided to adopt a child because you got pregnant.

1. You can't put your life on hold, there are 3 people in my team and all 3 of us are at that stage of life.
2. Please don't fret about fertility. I was told I would have problems at 21 and that I shouldn't wait until 30+. Guess what? I'm 30+. I paid to have a fertility MOT and all looking good, it put my mind at rest.

Don’t put your life on hold for work.

They wouldn’t give you the same consideration.

Only ever make sacrifices for work that you will not regret. If you encounter problems when you are otherwise ready to TTC, you may regret it.

I don’t regret delaying TTC by a couple of months because it worked well for a big project I was on. I don’t regret not having a honeymoon.

I do bitterly regret delaying medical treatment to appease a *** client (who shouldn’t have been pissed off about it in the first place). Only you know your boundaries but often only after the fact.

Just crack on :)

I doubt anyone decided to adopt a child because you got pregnant.

True. /\ it isn't like nipping down the local animal centre and choosing a new pet you like the look of on whim.

It is after much work, meetings and then being matched with a child who probably has attachment issues ..But good for the adopters..Some foster carers were able to adopt a young teenage lad who had been with them for a few years... It was a mutual decision...over a long time.

@vdbfamily

I will go slightly against the grain here ( support the manager!!!) and say that waiting a few months is unlikely to make a huge difference to your fertility but may mean she is a bit closer to coming back to work when you go off on maternity leave. Small teams of people carrying more than one maternity leave at a time can be an absolute nightmare to manage and unavoidably puts lots of extra pressure on remaining staff.

Are you suggesting a ttc rota?? What if somebody doesn't get pregnant on their turn?

I was just pointing out that it all happened at once as far as my boss was concerned thankfully he was a brilliant boss sent his wife on a course so they knew all the latest legislation let me work in a different area when the painting fumes turned me green he was brilliant but it did look suspicious as we were all friends our kids ended up at the same school too

That's the companies problem. They should be arranging cover for her and you should conceive as and when you want.