Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague is pregnant

99 replies

afternoonitsraining · 17/09/2020 19:13

My colleague and friend has just announced her pregnancy to the office. I am genuinely pleased for her.

But the problem for me is, it will mean I will be expected to pick up her work (small company and they have done this before when women on maternity. Again, not a huge issue except for my husband and I were thinking about TTC. I know it can takes a while but if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her, plus be pissed at the timing!

We could wait a bit but i am nearly 30 and we both have possible fertility issues (dr said we won't know if the issues will affect fertility until we try basically.) any advice, AIBU to worry about work and what they would think?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 17/09/2020 19:46

Your boss won't think you've copied her! Don't be silly.

vanillandhoney · 17/09/2020 19:46

Please don't plan your pregnancy around your colleague!

You have no idea how long it will take you to fall pregnant - just do what you want. Your work will deal with it - they have to.

Fantabulous1 · 17/09/2020 19:47

Why would anyone think you've copied her? My sister got pregnant shortly after I did and I never once thought that and no one ever said anything like that. It is a very immature way of thinking and the likelihood is your boss will take it for what it is - you progressing with your personal plans with your husband. Not a big deal.

TheTrollFairy · 17/09/2020 19:49

I wouldn’t hold off TTC. People commenting saying so and so’s pregnancy must have made so and so broody are all living in dream world.. most people know it can take a while to conceive (up to a year is standard I think as drs won’t see you until you have TTC for a year)

OfaFrenchmind2 · 17/09/2020 19:53

if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her

You actually may not be old enough to have children yet...

Greencauliflowers · 17/09/2020 19:54

Please don’t wait. We have been TTC for 2 years and still no joy. It happens when it happens and work can suck it up!

ancientgran · 17/09/2020 19:55

I worked somewhere where two women got pregnant quite close together, small office with 6 women. The big issue was no one wanted to sit on the chair they had been using as the joke was a 3rd pregnancy would follow. No one suggested anyone was copying. I thought they were all mad so I had the chair, 9 months later my son was born. I think they threw the chair away when I left.

Polkapoo · 17/09/2020 19:55

I know it can takes a while but if I do become pregnant the bosses will think I've copied her, plus be pissed at the timing!

I don't know anyone who would think someone who happened to get pregnant around the same time as someone else had 'copied them'. That would be a really odd way to think about it.

You're just as similar life stages to your colleague. It happens. Don't put off TTC if you want to because you're worried your boss won't like the timing!

Sparklesocks · 17/09/2020 19:56

If you end up on maternity leave at the same time then that is for the bosses to handle, don’t put your life on hold for your job.

TableFlowerss · 17/09/2020 19:58

Well it could have taken you 2 years to conceive for all your boss knows, so it’s unlikely they’ll think you’ve ‘copied’ her.

It’s not your problem, they’ll have to make other arrangements. You just worry about yourself and your TTC journey.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/09/2020 19:58

They can't do anything about you becoming pregnant at the same time. I would also be refusing to take on someone else's work load while they are on maternity leave. They will need to arrange cover.

Kaiserin · 17/09/2020 19:59

there have been comments when 2 women have been pregnant a few months apart

So you're working with stupid people.
So what? You won't be the first or the last.

The only real question here is:

  • are you going to let the opinions of stupid people rule your life? In which case you're certainly not ready to become a parent
  • or are you going to be a proper grown up and make your own decisions?
Brighterthansunflowers · 17/09/2020 19:59

Don’t even consider making huge decisions like when to have a child because of your colleagues! I’m sure they didn’t consider you when they decided to have a child, and nor should they (you picking up their work is down to the boss)

If you and DH want to TTC then go for it.

Your boss may well grumble about 2 pregnant women but they can’t legally do anything about it. They won’t think you’re copying because no one would have a baby just to copy their colleague! As PP said, it’s not really surprising when married women around 30 have babies.

Chchchchangesarecoming · 17/09/2020 20:01

Meh, comments.

I have 4 people going off simultaneously. It’s a logistical pain for me but that’s neither here nor there for them and nor should it be. I’m pleased for them.

LurkerFinallyPosts · 17/09/2020 20:02

@OverTheRainbow88

Copied her? What are you guys 8?
Exactly what I was thinking! Grin
Keeva2017 · 17/09/2020 20:02

Not sure you sound mature enough to have a baby to be honest.

bluebeck · 17/09/2020 20:06

@OverTheRainbow88

Copied her? What are you guys 8?
Absolutely!
Thinkingg · 17/09/2020 20:08

You don't owe it to work to arrange your future for their convenience. What if someone else gets pregnant? Or goes on sick leave? There might never be a good time!

OpenlyGayExOlympicFencer · 17/09/2020 20:09

@afternoonitsraining

Well not 'copy' as such, but in the past, there have been comments when 2 women have been pregnant a few months apart - along the lines of 'Barbara's pregnancy must have made Kate feel broody'
This is a genuinely terrible reason to not TTC.

If you don't want to because of your colleague, like if you know you'll get lumbered with more work and you don't fancy dealing with that alongside morning sickness maybe, fine. But to not do it because you don't want daft comments? No way! Plus, I'm afraid to inform you that the mere act of getting pregnant and having a child means all kinds of people feel entitled to come out with all kinds of silly shit. That will just be the start.

DressingGownofDoom · 17/09/2020 20:09

You'd have to be completely off your head to put off TTC when you're 30+ with fertility issues.

Flirtydove · 17/09/2020 20:09

Just go for it. You don't know what can happen 🤷‍♀️🙂

IndiaMay · 17/09/2020 20:13

Even if your colleagues pregnancy did make you broody and your bosses thought that, I really dont see the problem. That's literally how the human race continues.

hulahooper2 · 17/09/2020 20:13

Go ahead , hopefully your colleague has a successful pregnancy but that isn’t always the case , speaking from personal experience , don’t waste any time , if you have fertility problems you want to get them sorted asap

Funkypolar · 17/09/2020 20:15

I wouldn’t put a baby on hold for a job. They could make you redundant at any time, it’s just a job!

Funkypolar · 17/09/2020 20:15

I got pregnant two months into a new job. I’m sure they aren’t thrilled but seeing as I have another 30 plus years of working I’m not that bothered!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.