To eat ham even though I'm on a medically prescribed diet?

[ValidUser]

So the woman was making a ham salad. I'm supposed to be on a strict diet of Royal Canin Satiety. It's delicious. Plus, it does leave me very shiny and keep my eyes glowing in the dark. I usually wouldn't eat anything else. Except for chicken. Or Sheba. Or maybe some steak.

Things have been stressful lately. She's growing a small bald kitten. I was doing her a favour. She's getting thick around the middle. And I think the salt is going to her head. I saw her talking to her belly the other day.

So I heroically stepped in. I lunged at the counter and took two thick slices away in my glorious mouth. The woman seems unappreciative. WIBU?

YANBU.

YANBU. The woman exists only to please you. She should have been serving the ham on a gold platter for you.

YANBU, it's clear you were only trying to help. I hope you enjoyed the ham at least

I usually wouldn't eat anything else. Except for chicken. Or Sheba.

Hey!

The woman needs to be taught a lesson. Piss in her shoe.

It's my birthday. I 'm diabetic. I'm getting broccoli for my cake.

Enjoy the ham!

The woman was weak from her salads. She had it coming. She needed to be taught a lesson.

I'm on a special diet too, a dog one in my case, because of my sensitive tummy. It keeps my tummy healthy and, admittedly I do like the taste.

Occasionally I get a tiny bit of chicken and sometimes I'm given certain fruits. Other than that nothing.

Yesterday, in the park, I found a beautiful, round greasy sausage. I clamped my teeth on it, started to bite and the human went mad, just kept yelling 'drop it, drop it' in a mad panicky voice. Unfortunately, she managed to get most of it out of my mouth.

I'll never forgive her.

Then she went on and on about how she was going to spend the evening worrying I'd get ill.

Just to freak her out I asked to go out to the garden a couple of times just to chew some grass.

Stupid po faced nit. I was fine.

Great work with the ham.

If she’s showing major annoyance to you, the best thing you can now do is sick it up.
In several preferably hard to reach places.

That’ll teach her 😌

I like your thinking

I'm so glad you all understand. Humans are a mystery.

Yanbu. This earth is yours and revolves around you, and your human should know better.

I’m confused are you a cat or a dog? The Canin and Sheba have me perplexed!

Honestly, some humans just don't get that we are trying to help them! And it never ends!

Constant boundary intrusions to deal with, and they flap around hissing "I'm on a call" and apologising APOLOGISING to no one in the room!

I mean come on!

Just make sure you're checking those greasy boxes with the flat bits in them they like to eat, they're throwing them out anyway.

Royal Canin make cat food as well as dog food.

I feel your pain, sometimes it seems you can't do right for doing wrong. My person complains about the mess left by the bin man after the composting bins have been emptied but when I try to help and clean it up she starts shouting, "no, leave it, not for dogs". It's pretty to obvious the neighbours think she's batshit but I haven't the heart to tell her.

On a positive note she does now leave me to clean up after I've been sick (recycling) although she can't resist telling me I'm a disgusting hound

Maybe bring her a gift to please her? Birds or mice are nice. She'll be very grateful for you then and feed you some more of the glorious ham.

@Timeforabiscuit

Honestly, some humans just don't get that we are trying to help them! And it never ends!

Constant boundary intrusions to deal with, and they flap around hissing "I'm on a call" and apologising APOLOGISING to no one in the room!

I mean come on!

Just make sure you're checking those greasy boxes with the flat bits in them they like to eat, they're throwing them out anyway.

I know. I just keep trying to say hello to all the people I can see her talking to on the call when she should be talking to and stroking meee.

I tried to show them my nice clean bottom the other day and she pushed me away and said 'no one wants to see that' quite sternly.

She's growing a small bald kitten

Oh, she's being very unreasonable. Soon, when she gets even more round, there will be no room on her lap for you, and even worse, when the small bald kitten comes out, she will want to be holding it and feeding it all the time and won't have any time for you .

@ZarasHouse I would, but I'm afraid to go outside. Usually if they open the door, I just yowl behind the couch for a bit.

I could bring her one of her own bras? That might keep her sweet.

They especially like pants from the washing basket, judging by the fuss they make when you run round the house with them in their mouths, especially if there are other humans who don't live in the house there too.

your mouth that is, the humans seem to be too stupid to put their mouths to full use by carrying things in them.

The woman is weak. The woman needs teaching. You need to be the teacher.

Your lesson must be tonight; at 3am. Fling yourself upon her sleeping room and jump upon her. Activate cloud mode and lecture her on all of her misgivings through a series of vibrations as she attempts to sleep. She will be most responsive in giving you what you want at this time, perhaps even more ham.

You can surprise her with a new hobby. Mine is producing more piles of crap than I eat, it's a special trick. I also perform best when there's an audience, preferably in full view of day trippers. My best so far was performing in front of the kiddies train at Blenheim Palace.. there were lots of cries of "eww" from the appreciative crowd as the train turned the corner.

YANBU I am very fussy to keep mine on her toes so I might eat something one day and refuse it the next. However anything found on walks is fair game, I particularly like chippy chips and dried horse muck if I spot it before she gets the lead on to drag me away. Of course if the horse muck is wet I roll in it which doesn't please her either.

Punish her by sharpening your claws on the furniture for an extended period of time.
That'll show her