To eat ham even though I'm on a medically prescribed diet?

[ValidUser]

So the woman was making a ham salad. I'm supposed to be on a strict diet of Royal Canin Satiety. It's delicious. Plus, it does leave me very shiny and keep my eyes glowing in the dark. I usually wouldn't eat anything else. Except for chicken. Or Sheba. Or maybe some steak.

Things have been stressful lately. She's growing a small bald kitten. I was doing her a favour. She's getting thick around the middle. And I think the salt is going to her head. I saw her talking to her belly the other day.

So I heroically stepped in. I lunged at the counter and took two thick slices away in my glorious mouth. The woman seems unappreciative. WIBU?

StCharlotte That's just rude, who puts a sausage in the bin when someone's taken the trouble to catch it for you?

It could well have been the same sausage, it did look like a herby one.

Your mum doesn't know what she's missing. The little bite I managed to get, before it was so rudely and cruelly taken from me, tasted heavenly.

Good evening/morning/morrow/whatever it is after nap #52 of the day.

I'm feeling quite let down today, so I've taken over Her Laptop whilst she's on her way back from the place that smells of young humans that she incomprehensibly leaves me to visit most days at the moment.

I think I liked it better when she was here all the time, as she'd get bored tapping on her laptop and forget that she'd fed me an hour ago. Except for that bit where He kept on making me get off her chest when she was sleeping as she made these weird sounds like my sibling does when she has a furball.

There are NO mice under the shed this year. NONE, I tell you, Every year since I was a strapping young lad, I've camped out beside it and since I reached my prime, I've been delivering 12-18 baby mice and a single parent mouse chaser every September - October.

How can I provide for my useless human family if there are no mice? She's told me that it's my own fault for murdering the 'poor little verminous bastards' last Autumn, but can I really help it? I even made sure that their insides were suitably tenderised without bursting them because I've knocked most of my teeth out by faceplanting into the window or falling off things by chewing them first and doing a bit of amateur circus skills in juggling them on the patio before bringing them in at 6am on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Well, I decided that I couldn't let Her down, so only 3 nights ago, I brought in a lovely, big spider for her. And I took off half the legs so it was too wonky to run away from me. You know what she did? She got Him to sweep it away and put it back outside. Faddy eaters really annoy me sometimes, but I really tried to not let it bother me and I worked upon bringing her another lovely snack last night.

I expected praise and fanfares. What I got was 'WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU GOT THERE DROP IT COME HERE DROP IT YOU LITTLE BASTARD DON'T YOU FUCKING RUN AWAY FUCKING DROP IT'. And then She picked it up, checked its wings were just a little damp and put it out the front door.

I didn't talk to her for a whole minute afterwards and sat on the kitchen table adoration point until she remembered her manners and rubbed behind my ears, telling me that I was a 'Wee furry shite, that moth was the size of a mouse' and to leave the things alone in future.

Anyway - YAWN - that's me done. Time for my next nap.

@MitziK your life is so hard. 😔