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Original poster

Husband missing ds birthday

74 replies

fedupathome · 16/09/2020 22:13

I've name changed because I'm ashamed to be posting this.

Its ds birthday tomorrow he will be 15.
I booked a table at a restaurant think pizza type place for us at 7pm as I will be at work in the day.

Dh says he won't attending as he has football he has booked to play with his 'mates'.

I told him I'll still be going with the kids and he might regret it down the line if he chooses playing football over his sons birthday meal.

He shouted at me that its just a birthday whats the big deal I've already booked and paid for football I cant cancel .

This is also relevant he works nights and has booked to play football before his shift and says to me earlier in the week its a bad idea as he has work so needs his sleep and he won't be able to relax and enjoy it .

Yet he can book football and that's OK ?

I'm genuinely upset on behalf of our son.

We've got a lot of problems in our marriage but I feel like he's getting worse .

Sorry for the rant I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Lollypop4 · 16/09/2020 22:16

I would be furious.
Piss poor excuse!
He chose his friends over his son.
I don't think I could tolerate the relationship tbh.

GoldfishParade · 16/09/2020 22:17

What a mean old twat. You sound lovely. Get rid of him.

Glendaruel · 16/09/2020 22:18

I would be livid!!!!!

Sanpro · 16/09/2020 22:18

Yeah, he sounds a prick. Sorry, OP. I hope your son has a nice birthday. It’s a difficult time to be young and to still try to enjoy things. It really sucks kid dad doesn’t seem to place any importance on his son’s birthday.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/09/2020 22:18

I’d be really sad for my child- what a horrible father

Sanpro · 16/09/2020 22:18

His* dad

Fishfingersandwichplease · 16/09/2020 22:19

Wanker. That is all.

ShinyGreenElephant · 16/09/2020 22:20

Twat. Your son is very lucky to have you because that is one pathetic excuse of a dad. I would be furious

FlorenceNightshade · 16/09/2020 22:22

How does your son feel? My dh missed a birthday once because a pre-arranged thing had the date changed and it then clashed. He asked our dc who was turning 10 if they would be ok with him missing it but then going out for burgers another night. Dc was ok with this but dh felt so bad he bought an extra present just from him to say sorry!

I’d be led by your sons reaction. If he’s feeling upset or sidelined then you need to tell your DH.

Original poster
fedupathome · 16/09/2020 22:23

I dont know what to say to ds about why his dad won't be there, or where he is instead.

I'm really angry .

Our marriage has issues I don't know if it will survive because lately he seems not to be bothered about us.

I just have no words for this latest stunt.

OP posts:
Parky04 · 16/09/2020 22:24

I play football every Thursday unless there is something more important to do like family birthdays. He just doesn't care about his DS.

Terrace58 · 16/09/2020 22:28

Keep prioritizing your son. My mother would
go along with my father’s plans to miss my birthday. Happened multiple times over the years and always for recreation activities, never for work.

I may go a bit overboard as an adult to compensate.

brushandmop · 17/09/2020 05:49

Make sure you make your husband tell his son he can't make his birthday meal. Don't let him off doing this.

badg3r · 17/09/2020 05:59

Yes I agree with PP, make your husband explain why he can't go.

seayork2020 · 17/09/2020 06:12

If my son Is upset I would be too but if they have worked it out amongst themselves and DS is fine then no I would not be bothered.

CloudSingsAloud · 17/09/2020 06:16

I dont know what to say to ds about why his dad won't be there, or where he is instead.

If you have to, tell the truth but leave any emotion out of it. Tell your "D"H he needs to tell DS before the meal.

Phillipa12 · 17/09/2020 06:27

Well he's clearly showing you where his priorities lie and its certainly not with his family. My exh did this on our dc3's 1st birthday, we separated 6 months later.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 17/09/2020 06:29

Birthdays are one of the most important days to children :S what does he mean it's just a birthday... Its a day to celebrate the day your child was born :/ sounds like he doesn't care about your son. I would never chose anything over my kids birthday, even my husband with severe social anxiety steps up and joins the family party and suffers and our kids are only 1 & 2 so they wouldn't even notice if he wasn't there

KitKatastrophe · 17/09/2020 06:30

@FlorenceNightshade

How does your son feel? My dh missed a birthday once because a pre-arranged thing had the date changed and it then clashed. He asked our dc who was turning 10 if they would be ok with him missing it but then going out for burgers another night. Dc was ok with this but dh felt so bad he bought an extra present just from him to say sorry!

I’d be led by your sons reaction. If he’s feeling upset or sidelined then you need to tell your DH.

I think there is a big difference between asking them if they mind and feeling guilty, compared to saying "its just a birthday, what's the big deal".
rwalker · 17/09/2020 06:46

Non issue in our house birthdays have never been a massive deal . If we go out tends to be on weekend rather than birthday itself

with your DH on this one

Bookriddle · 17/09/2020 06:46

What a dickhead, i wouldnt miss my childs birthday for anything!
My old man was in the army, he missed about 4 of my birthdays growing up, because he was away with the army, but he always made sure to phone on my birthday and then spoil me when he got home!

Lipz · 17/09/2020 06:46

That's shit of your dh. I'd be so mad. Your ds is at an age where he will see his dad is putting his friends before him. At 15years of age it's an important time for a dad and son to bond, your son is becoming more mature, these actions of your dh could possibly destroy his relationship with your son. Tell your dh to tell your ds he's not going. I'd go so ott celebrating the birthday, I'd make sure your ds has a brilliant time.

liveitwell · 17/09/2020 06:53

You both should have sat down and discussed a day/time that suits you all, say lunch at the weekend. A weeknight dinner out won't be all that relaxing for anyone especially with work straight after.

To me it sounds like you need to communicate better with each other. It's strange you went ahead and booked it despite it not being good for your son's dad.

MummaGiles · 17/09/2020 06:55

Please make sure you make your DH tell your DS that he won’t be there. It shouldn’t be your job to have to deliver that message. That’s really crap, OH. I’m sorry.

Henrysmycat · 17/09/2020 06:57

@rwalker there’s a huge HUGE difference with not making a big deal and go out on a weekend because, I assume, you’re all in agreement and what this father does by ignoring the birthday.
I’m sure, if his comment was “very sorry, let’s do something on Saturday/move meal to Sunday”, then OP would not be writing this. And especially, if you behave the way her DH does. Come on.